Whispers of what we lost

argg i don't think its spacing right





Stars above us,
Glisten effortlessly,
Enchant the impossible.
But stars fade,
To dots in shallow skies.





The waves pound us,
Higher than we'll ever be,
Restrict even rugged men.
But waves calm,
To ocean hills.





Forests bloom,
Green with anything but envy,
Weaved with light.
But forests decay,
To backyard embellishments.





Words blind,
And tell legends,
No choice but to believe.
But words are forgotten,
Turned to thoughts.





I still wish upon stars,
And I still the waves.
I still walk the forests,
and I still hear the words,
Like whispers of what we lost.

Hi there!
I'm Kamas and I'll be your reviewer!
Brace yourself I tend to get a little over detailed But this is a nice poem
I love the idea, and the way its done is good too!
My favourite line:

Words blind,
And tell legands,
No choice but to believe.
But words are forgotten,
Turned to thoughts.

It's just... well...Wow *have a flower*

Well now! Onto the review. (this might not make much sense, I just woke up *teehee*)

1. Typos and Grammar

Corrections are in Bold

Stars upon us, Upon should be above
Glisten effortlessly,
Enchant the impossible.
But stars fade,
To dots in shallow skies.

The waves pound us,
Higher than we'll ever be,
Hold down the strongest man.
But waves calm,
To ocean hills.

Forests bloom,
Green with anything but envy,
Weaved with light.
But forests decay,
To backyard embellishments.

Words blind, Words bind is what I think you were aiming for
And tell legands, Legands should be legends
No choice but to believe.
But words are forgotten,
Turned to thoughts.

I still wish apon the stars, Cut out the "the" and apon should be upon
I still ride the waves,
I still walk the forests,
I still hear the words,
Like whispers of what we lost.

*applauds* all done with this part


2. Flow

Okay! You have a good flow going here!
But it is lost at some parts.
*Note: Read it out loud to yourself and you'll spot were it gets messed up (I tell everyone this )

Let's uses the next verse as an example

The waves pound us,
Higher than we'll ever be,
Hold down the strongest man.
But waves calm,
To ocean hills.

In this verse:

The flow is slowed by the line

"Hold down the strongest man"

It's just so much longer than any other line in the verse.
You want lines to be more even to keep the flow. I see that it would be hard to shorten this line
But find a shorter word for strongest (Thanks god for Thesauruses) or find another way to write the line

If I have something like

Patty had a laffy taffy

Then I had:

Patty ate her sticky laffy taffy very quickly


The line below chops up the line above it.

Well then! I think I'm done!
This was a great little poem I just loved!

Gold star for you

Have fun and kepp writing!

PM if I made no sense to you!

K A M A S

I feel like this poem starts off really strong, but it sort of loses steam in the last stanza. With it starting off so powerfully, you should try to do the same with the ending. The imagery here is beautiful. Overall, this is a really good poem.