life

If my life Were to end
at this very moment,
I wonder what will become of me.
Will I be remembered
Or easily forgotten in
a blink of the beautiful eye.
I did realise
and it did occur
that shakespear is right.
The worlds a stage
our part is small
but we all will get somne spotlaight.
I wonder though
or should I say hope
that after we play another part.
thank you for reading

Ok, i am going to review this.

First of all before you post something check your spelling. I see alot of errors in this piece.

Second, it doesn't have the best flow in the world, but that is up to you.

Otherwise this is a good poem. Just a little work and it would be perfect.

Keep Writing

-Flower-

Hello there!

I'm Kamas and I shall review your little poem!
This poem is simple but there are some things that need to be looked over

1. Grammar

Flower is right. There are lots of typos and misspelt words.
The bold words are the grammar corrections

If my life Were (were) to end
at this very moment,
I wonder what will become of me.
Will I be remembered
Or easily forgotten in
a blink of the beautiful eye.
I did realise
and it did occur
that shakespear (Shakespeare) is right.
The worlds (world is) a stage
our part is small
but we all will get somne (some) spotlaight. (spotlight)
I wonder though
or should I say hope
that after we play another part.
thank you for reading

If you aren't sure about spelling press the "check Spelling" button in the top right corner of the box

2. Thanks or Author's Note

I notice that you worte a thanks at the end of your poem.
This is always nice but spearate it visibly from your poem or any other work.
For a while I thought it was part of your poem just as a random line.
Try adding something like:

***
or
~*~

etc. It tells the reader that this part is separate!

3. Flow

The poem sometimes flows, other times barely and other times it does't at all.
That is a way to write it but if its the case post it in the Dramatic Poetry forum.

Lyric poetry = Rhymed or like lyrics for music.
Dramatic= Rhmyed or not

If you aren't sure ask someone to check for you.
Instructors (users with purple names)
Junior Mods (users with light green names)
Mods (users with dark green names)
and lots of regular users (Grey names)
They can all help with what ever you need!

If you want to fix your flow up. Here's how:

~ Syllable count ~
Here is an example that I have used before cause I'm just not creative right now!

The dog had a log
the log had a cat
the cat had a mouse

This flows becasue of the syllable count.

The dog had a log (5 count)
The log had a cat (5 count)
The cat had a mouse (5 count)


But if I added a line like -- The mouse had a huge chunk of cheese --
That line would just throw the poem off completely because it has a 8 count when I had a 5 count pattern

Even up your line add often your poem flows more smoothly. Also read it out loud to your self
You'll notice the flow better when you do this

~ Rhyme ~

This also works like flow. Though you don't have to rhyme anything if you don't wish to!
If your rhyming pattern is

A rhymes with C
B rhymes with D
C rhymes with E
etc

If suddenly Line D rhmyes with line Z (I'm not gonna do the math for this)
Then the rhyme you had built up is totally destryed and it also throws the reader off


Phew well my fingers hurt! I won't bore you any longer.
I hope I didn't come across as harsh I'm just trying to help!
You had a good little poem withan original idea!
*applauds*
Keep up the good work and Pm if you have questions!

K A M A S

Hey, moonstar!

I really like your poem. It has so much depth, and it really makes you think about life and death and all that jazz. Other than a few grammar mistakes, I don't see anything wrong with it. When I read life, I got caught up thinking about what would happen if I were to die. It sucks you in and doesn't let you catch a breath until the end. I greatly enjoyed your poem!

Very good!

I thought this poem was very well thought out and portrayed the depth of death without being too sad.
But there are a lot of grammer issues with it.
I think if you look through it slowly youll be able to fix it so I won't waste more of your time .
Over all it was very good I enjoyed the simplicity of it. Keep writing!!