Breathe Taking Words

I awaken to hear coughing, sneezing, and a little girl calling out "mom!" She doesn't attend school for three days. Everyday I come home to see the girl sleeping on a bed, with a dampened cloth atop her forehead. Her face pale as can be with beads of sweat dripping down her face. A mother comes home. sitting with her and caring for her as I sit, alone, in my room all night. I help out when mom isn't around, but when she comes back I go to wash my hands, to cry without anyone knowing.

I hear voices as the music of my radio softens. It's the doctor. I sneek to the hall as I listen. A disease is around, cantious and deadly. I hear symptoms being informed. The call goes quick. I hear faint breaths and coughs. As soon as the line goes dead I walk away.

All I remember are the wordss "at the moment" and "still a chance." I sit upon a bed of wonders, questions, and a pale feeling in my thoughts. The music picks up again. As the words linger within me the hope fades. soon all I feel is cold around me. The music a num sound. I lay in the dark,l thinking of the words as the little girl lays in the next room...fighting for a life.

Okay, Abby, I’m not sure exactly why, but YWS or you really formatted your story funny.

Now I’m going to be honest, this needs a lot of work as far as grammar goes so I’m just going to go through and for each sentence, I’ll simply rewrite it without the grammar errors.

I awaken to hear coughing, sneezing, and a little girl calling out "mom!"

I awoke to hear coughing, sneezing, and a little girl calling out “Mom!”

She doesn't attend school for three days.

She didn’t attend school for the next three days.

Everyday I come home to see the girl sleeping on a bed, with a dampened cloth atop her forehead.

Every day I would come home the see the girl sleeping with a dampened cloth atop her forehead.

Her face pale as can be with beads of sweat dripping down her face.

He face is as pale as it can be with beads of sweat dripping down her face.

A mother comes home. sitting with her and caring for her as I sit, alone, in my room all night.

Mother would come home, sit with her, and care for her as I sat alone in my room all night.

I help out when mom isn't around, but when she comes back I go to wash my hands, to cry without anyone knowing.

I help when Mom isn’t around but once she comes back, I go to wash my hands. That way I can cry without anyone knowing.

All I remember are the wordss "at the moment" and "still a chance."

All I remember are the words “at the moment” and “still a chance.”

As the words linger within me the hope fades.

As the words linger within me, the hope fades.

soon all I feel is cold around me. The music a num sound.

Soon, all I feel is the cold around me. The music has become a numb sound.

I lay in the dark,l thinking of the words as the little girl lays in the next room...fighting for a life.

I lay in the dark, thinking of those words as the little girls lays in the next room…fighting for her life.


Okay, this probably looks like a lot, but I was wondering…do you have a word processing program with a Spelling and Grammar check? If so, did you use it when you typed this? Not to mention, did you maybe type this directly into YWS? If you did, that might explain why it formatted the way it did. Use a program like Microsoft Word to type it out, then copy and paste into YWS. That works best and it would have caught all the things I changed up above.