Horror

It was in the walls. Sometimes she could hear rounds of short abrupt movements; scuffling and scurrying, dragging and scraping. Sounds that made her skin pimple with goosebumps and her scalp crawl as if phantom fingers stroked her hair. She knew that it wasn’t just the old house groaning and creaking from shifting foundations, as these normal house sounds were punctuated by the rasping of a hoarse incomprehensible voice. Recently the thing in the wall had become less inconspicuous. It tended to follow her around the house as if it could see her move from room to room as she emptied large cardboard moving boxes. She fancied that the soft slurping noises that penetrated the silence of the night was the thing eating. Eating what, she didn’t know.

It was a sprawling old mansion out in the back woods of the country, isolated from the general populace. Surrounding the house was five hundred acres of unfenced land before the nearest neighbour, dotted with knots of thick forest, rolling hills and grassy meadows. An ideal place for a best selling author to sneak away to for a few years.
Rose McIntosh found the property after digging around for almost half a year, looking for large homesteads in the countryside where she imagined herself lazing around in the blistering heat, drinking a glass of rain water with ice cubes and a slice of lemon, notepad in hand, madly scribbling down fantastic story ideas that would guarantee her continued fame and swatting away the odd fly or two.
She loved the manor at first sight; peeling wallpaper, water damaged cupboards and shelving, rusting hinges, rotted carpeting, low water pressure and loose floorboards. Every bedroom had a fireplace, and each bathroom had a clawfoot bath tub, over half a metre deep. Brass chandeliers hung from the dinning and entertainment room roofs and a dusty baby grand piano sat in cobwebs in the corner of the extensive library. Right after the tour, Rose signed the contract containing the deeds of the house with the real estate agent on the aged wooden front porch, looking out at the overgrown front lawn, and gravel drive way, dreaming of future renovations.
The first night of her stay was spent tossing and turning on a blow up mattress, sneezing and coughing due to the dust floating in the air caused by the removalists as they emptied two trucks full of furniture and boxes into the main foyer. That night she was too preoccupied by her own body-racking sneezes that she didn’t notice the light scratching against the walls, or the dull sounds of shuffling footsteps.

Rose woke to the ringing of her alarm tone from her mobile phone, which was all it was useful for as the reception bars were nonexistent this far from a tower. She drowsily padded to the downstairs bathroom, lugging her toiletry kit behind her. The mirror was stained and had a spiderweb crack in the lower left corner, distorting the image behind her. She ran the bath, realizing that the process of filling the tub would be painfully slow. She brushed her teeth as she used the commode, her eyes idly wandering around the bathroom, noting split and missing tiles. Rose turned her eyes to the tub, and she let out a groan of disgust. Murky discoloured water gushed out of the bronze spout in irregular bursts. Peering over the rim revealed a quarter of the bath filled with brown liquid, hazy towards the depths. The pipes must not have been used in a while, though recently enough to run clear for the first few minutes before expelling the rusted filth. Cringing, Rose gingerly reached into the tepid water and groped around for the plug chain. Her fingers circled around something slimy and mattered. She jerked her hand away, and let out a strangled yelp. Shuddering in revulsion, she used the toilet brush to jolt the plug out of place. A little whirlpool formed as the water was sucked down the drain.
As the water level lowered, it became increasingly clear what her hand had brushed against. Rose stared at the decomposing corpse of the rat, and felt bile rise to her throat.
“Fucking disgusting rat. . .” Rose told the empty space around her.


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A/N: Should I continue?
Cheers, Jadyn

Ah, hello. I'm addicted to writing horror stories, by the way.

Sometimes she could hear...

Sometimes? In my humble opinion, stories should tell what happens as it happens. Readers like me want to know what is happening now, not sometimes. In other words, avoid using words like 'sometimes.'

as these normal house sounds were punctuated by the rasping of a hoarse incomprehensible voice.

What? I am not sure what you are trying to say here.

It tended to follow her around the house as if it could see her move from room to room

If 'it' is in the walls, how can 'it' see her?

It was a sprawling old mansion out in...

'It' was... 'It' was...
First of all, avoid using linking verbs (am, is, are, was, were) by themselves to describe something. By themselves, linking verbs tell the reader that nothing is happening in the sentence. (Example: The grass is green). This slows down the story.
Second of all, avoid using the same pronoun to describe several different things. In this case, you're using 'it' too much.

Rose McIntosh found the property after digging around for almost half a year

Avoid summarizing. It bores me.

The first night of her stay...

Avoid giving too much background information. When does the story start?

which was all it was useful for as the reception bars were nonexistent this far from a tower.

Be careful of wordiness. Be careful of using the word 'which' to extend a sentence.

A/N: Should I continue?

You should continue this only if you want to.

Note: the scariest part of this was when she touched the dead rat. Even then, it wasn't that scary.

If you do continue this, you need to add a conflict. What exactly is in the walls? And why should we care?

To make the story creepier, you could describe what happens from the perspective of the creature in the walls. In other words, describe Rose as if you are spying on her.

This means you should stop giving us background information on Rose. In writing horror, background information should be used sparingly.

Another suggestion: don't plan your story out if you're writing horror. Just write what comes to your mind. The less you explain to the reader, the scarier it can get.

Alright, I hope my critique helped.

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, feel free to PM me.

I would continue this.

1. You've got the base for a good plot.
2. I'm pretty sure you've got the idea of how to write horror.

However, this wasn't scary by itself. You spent a lot of time telling Rose's back story and describing the scene when you could have been building tension. The first paragraph was best; I understand you don't want the whole story to be written in that same sadistic tone, but you can still keep that "creepy" edge by using certain types of description to use for your snippet of a story.

The description in this wasn't half-bad - in fact, I liked it very much. But if you're wanting to write a horror story, you need to use a different kind of description. Think of your five senses: sight, hear, taste, touch, smell. Use those to create the mood in your story, not just the description of your house.

It's like saying:
"This house is red. It's got busted windows and loose shingles in the roof."

All those sentences did was tell the reader what the house looks like.
But, with a different kind of description (and a specific mood in mind), you can make it seem a little scarier... full of life (or lack thereof, haha).

"It stands crookedly on the edge of the street like a blood red omen. No one can stand to drive past it anymore - shadows shift behind the remnants of windows, and rough shingles threaten to make the three story drop."

You can sort of get the idea. The above example used "creepier" imagery - it set the mood for a darker story. See?
So yes. Continue this. Figure out where you want the storyline to go, and then start building from there. Read it through a couple of times, and see if it gives you that chilling feeling.


Pop

Sounds that made her skin pimple with goosebumps and her scalp crawl as if phantom fingers stroked her hair.

This is okay. I personaly don't like the fact her skin pimples with goosebumbs it sounds odd.

the thing in the wall had become less inconspicuous.

Ttry not to use thing and it. Be more specific. I am having a hard time getting into the story.

She loved the manor at first sight; peeling wallpaper, water damaged cupboards and shelving, rusting hinges, rotted carpeting, low water pressure and loose floorboards.

I like this part. The sentence is very detailed.
All around it is a good piece it is a bit short and not all that scarry. Keep working and writting.

Hi..seemingly meaningless...

i will comment this work with my best...

It was in the walls. Sometimes she could hear rounds of short abrupt movements; scuffling and scurrying, dragging and scraping. Sounds that made her skin pimple with goosebumps and her scalp crawl as if phantom fingers stroked her hair.

i like the first part here...it gives the story a sense of haunting mood by describing the setting. as well the character of the story.

She knew that it wasn’t just the old house groaning and creaking from shifting foundations, as these normal house sounds were punctuated by the rasping of a hoarse incomprehensible voice.

in here, it is alright but it somewhat destroys the mood of the story. It would be better if the the woman did not know what is actaully happening around her. She could at least guess that it came from the old house. that would be more better than saying she knew rather than "Could have been from the old house? I do not know."

It was a sprawling old mansion out in the back woods of the country, isolated from the general populace.

this is good line but it would be better if she would describe it rather than giving descriiptions. And alwasy surprise the reader.

I would "maybe' suggest, "AT the back of the woods, i saw a sprawling old mansion. I looked around the house and it the house was an isolation from the populace."

try making the character describe what is happening...

well i guess that is all...

it is a good story and i would recommend you continuing it...