Floodgates

Hi people! I hope you like this poem!

There are many things
Many words
Many actions
Many keys to my floodgates
"I hate you!"
"You're horrible!"
A death there after
Someone i would never know
But the best way
the perfect key
is when someone close
strikes a nerve
and makes my heart scream
They nurtured me so
or someone i have nurtured
They open my floodgates
as they cross
the "Rainbow Bridge"
and their voices and lives
leave an imprint on my heart
and leave my floodgates open

Crying makes me sad
It makes you sad
It makes them sad
Everyone is sad
and my floodgates refill
even why i think they cannot
and they pour out
because the someone who left them open
forgot to close the door

Talking to you now
may open my floodgates once more
because whenever someone dances
on that bridge
leaves a crack in my floodgates
and then i burst

Even as i write
these words down
someone is dancing
on the bridge
and they stop by just long enough
to leave a crack
they do come down some times
just long enough for me to see
the wondrous life they've lived
and just might keep living
And if I hope
maybe they will come off
that bridge for good

First Impressions

Punctuation, punctuation, punctuation! This piece is screaming for editing and begging you to add proper punctuation to it. Just because this is poetry, does not mean you get to ignore the rules of grammar all together. Always capitalize your "I's" and add commas, periods, and everything else. It's important to the flow of the poem.

Content

You have a good base foundation here, but you need to add more imaginary to the writing. Instead of saying "these are the things that make me cry" show us. Create an image with your words, rather than telling us, create a scenario where that actually happens.

The repetition of the word "floodgates" throughout feels odd to me as well. Like somehow calling them floodgates just feels off... it's a very impersonal description to something that is very personal to you. Perhaps that is just my opinion, but the comparison does not really work for me.

To me the words here felt very harsh for a poem that is about something very delicate. Crying, tears, it's a very vulnerable state to be in. The feel of this poem is more angry than vulnerable. I think trying to soften the language, and adding more images rather than telling us, is a great place to start.

Overall

I would love to see you strip this down and take the base idea of it and rework it using Poetic Devices, proper punctuation, and expanding on the images. I think that you have a great starting idea for a poem that could be wonderful.

Best of luck!

OverEasy

I really like the poem itself, when I was reading it I didn't even notice the lack of punctuatin haha.

I think you could cut it down some and check like they said above punctuation.

Besides that I love this!

Keep Writing

-Flower-