What a beautiful girl

Perfect hair, perfect skin
Beautiful girl.
Perfect body, perfect face
Beautiful girl.
Low cut shirts, tight shorts
Beautiful girl.
Brand name clothes, expensive shoes
Beautiful girl.
Money, friends
Beautiful girl.
Brains, the boy
Beautiful girl.
Every girl wants to be the beautiful girl
Yet only few succeed.

Hey! I've got quite a bit to say, so I hope I don't bore you with my prodding. So let's go!

It's a very simple poem. I feel like it is a little superficial. While you do point out all these things girls wish they had to become a 'beautiful girl', there's really nothing else to it. When saying 'yet only few succeed', what are you trying to say by that? That some girls are just lucky and are beautiful girls and everyone else is doomed? Do you want to say that this 'beautiful girl' doesn't exist? How do those few succeed, anyway? Through luck? Through hard work? And who defines this beautiful girl? Everyone? Just girls? The media? Why are low-cut shirts and tight shorts beautiful anyway?

I think the 'Beautiful Girl' bit is repetitive and adds little to your poem. It'd be better just to take those out and focus on showing more. Most of it is telling. This would be more effective if you described the hair and skin as more than just perfect, maybe lustrous hair, flawless skin. What if, instead of just 'friends', you said 'surrounded by laughter'?

You have a start with just this 'beautiful girl' concept, but there's nothing new to it. If it helps, pick a persona and rewrite this from their point of view. How would a spoiled,rich girl with everything write this compared to a normal girl with low self-esteem? What would a mother have to say about this idea of a beautiful girl? Or a boyfriend who watches as his girlfriend aims for this perfection?

In writing, I like to send messages. That's what I think writing is about. It's not about 'expressing my feelings' or just 'documenting what I see'. It's about what I want the reader to do after reading my work. That's why I made such a big deal about the lack of a message here. It's really only personal preference. If that's not what you're trying to do here, then I really don't have much to say.

Best of luck!

I was actually just thinking about the "yet only few succeed" line before i logged on and well, it's kinda stupid and out of place. I'm going to rewrite this poem and make an attempt to improve it.

Thanks for the advice

I like this ok I guess. As you said it needs work, and such and such. It does give the world view of things, but I really don't want to be that person. I might sound crazy but those people get into lots of trouble.

I think that this poem is great. You show the reality and the fact that it is hard to be the 'beatiful girl'. The lesson I took from this poem was that there aren't that many girls that sucseed at being ths girl so we should stop trying so hard and be ourself. So what if we don't make it to be that girl we are still pretty awsome. Keep on writting.

I think I get what you're trying to say here,T the girl with everything continues to get everything and some girls waste their lives trying to be that girl. I'm not sure how I feel about the last line don'tthink it really fits, and the repetition of "Beautiful girl" is tedious. How are low-cut shirts and tight shorts beautiful anyway? Maybe try to be more descriptive, I think a few metaphors would really had to it as well.