David

I found a photo of him yesterday, David. I think thats why I'm writing it, because all of these feelings have just been brought up. I have to say that this is true, and even though I am open to reviews I would like them to be respectful.

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He was always there, David was. In the background at the Christmas parties pulling a funny face, or at my first birthday party, whirling me up in the air an calling me a princess. I try to pretend that I blocked him out, that I have no recollection of the many holidays he visited, but I do remember, clearer than I would have liked to.

He had this white fluffy hair that heaped onto of his head and a thin grey stubble that was tickley to the touch. Two smile lines stretched upwards when he laughed, which he seemed to do a lot. David was a happy person, we were all happy people. He was always the one pulling the funny face at the little children, playing peek -a-boo for hours on end when others got bored. Whenever he visited he brought us small little parcels, saying they were Santa's present to us for being good little girls. I hate to write it now, but I loved David back then, sometimes he was more a father figure than my own. My sister always got the bigger presents though, the higher whirl in the air, the extra attention. I was jealous of her, I wanted David all to myself.

I found the photo yesterday, tucked between my mum's old papers. It's of my sister's eighth birthday party. She sitting on David's knee and he's kissing her on the cheek, smiling. Now I look back at it I can see the signs, the way she's turned deliberately away from him, her eyes far away and vacant.

I can remember coming down for breakfast the day after than photo was taken. My mum was sitting at the large breakfast table staring straight ahead, at David. Her eyes were fixed onto his, shining with tears than are obviously being held back. David is looking back at her blankly, his face reading no emotion. And then I'm scared; because David is always smiling, always laughing, always joking, Only know he's not now, no one is.

I don't know how long he went to prison for, or how many times it had happened. My mum won't talk about it, she thinks its her fault. She thinks she could have changed something. My sister talks about it though, to me. He had been doing it for five years, every holiday as far as my sister can remember. She still gets upset about it a lot, even though It happened nine years ago now. Its because every time someone asks her who was her first kiss, her first gentle touch or experience below the belt. She can't say anything, because it wasn't her first crush or that one special prom date. It was David.

Hello, Zaddie Caso! I'm Antigone, and I will be your reviewer for the moment.

Wow. First of all, let me tell you that this is a very powerful piece. The only critique I have is little issues that bothered me, and I am usually veeerry picky.

First of all (I always feel the need to mention this before Non Fiction memoirs) is David his real name? You did not include his last name, so you are probably fine, but I just wanted make sure. No matter how much of a monster "David" was, it is still important to protect his rights, as well as your sister's.

whirling me up in the air an calling me a princess

An should be and.

clearer than I would have liked to.

I feel like this should be in the present tense -- "clearer than I like to." "Have liked" seems to imply that you are writing this far in the future, as if this is the memoir of an old woman.
You are a teenager and, obviously, you still remember David. Putting it into the present tense helps the reader feel that this is an issue you still struggle with.

David was a happy person, we were all happy people.

That comma should actually be a semi-colon.

. I was jealous of her, I wanted David all to myself.

Again, I think this comma should be a semi-colon because these are technically two separate sentences.

I was jealous of her. I wanted David all to myself.

So when you combine them, the period needs to still be in there.
Check out the Knowledge Base here on YWS for more information.

She sitting on David's knee and he's kissing her on the cheek, smiling.

She is sitting on David's knee. You need the is.

. Now I look back

Now that I look back sounds much better.

I can remember coming down for breakfast the day after than photo was taken. My mum was sitting at the large breakfast table staring straight ahead, at David. Her eyes were fixed onto his, shining with tears than are obviously being held back. David is looking back at her blankly, his face reading no emotion. And then I'm scared; because David is always smiling, always laughing, always joking, Only know he's not now, no one is.

You switch from past to present tense several times in this paragraph. Always stay consistent with your tenses! ^_^ I would change this to past tense, since it takes place in the past. Present tense makes it seem like your meeting with David is happening right now.

Also, the wording in the last sentence is very odd. Re-read to make sure that's what you want. ^_^

she thinks its her fault.

It is. It's; not its.

Its because every time someone asks her who was her first kiss

Same thing here.

Its because every time someone asks her who was her first kiss, her first gentle touch or experience below the belt. She can't say anything, because it wasn't her first crush or that one special prom date

This should be one sentence.

Excellent ending. Writing is a great way to get your feelings out, huh? This is heartbreaking. I hope your sister is all right, or as well as she can be.

Hope this helped,
Antigone

OK, I think the person before me got all of the mistakes, but this wasn't written with spelling mistakes in mind. You got the feeling across, you told the story well, you gave it a lack of emotion that makes it more emotional. Well done.

Mads

Hey!!
I did not expect you to finish it so... directly/openly at the end. I thought that you would just give clues so that it is obvious. Because I know how difficult it is to say some things in words because that makes them so much more real then. Like you've just realized it.
Anyway, this is a very powerful piece. It shows a lot of feelings like guilt, shame, betrayal, disbelief without referring to them directly. It's so much more difficult to do this in fiction. I suggest that when you do write fiction you refer to your non fiction works and try to see what makes it so real and then adopt that.
PM me if you need to talk=)
wildfire