Love

The poem is close to my heart.

Hey there Marine Dancer! June here!

Two things first!

It's best to just copy and paste the text of the poem into the thread since many people who review may not have MS word or a program that can read the .doc files. It's easier to handle it when it's posted here.

Also! I would strongly, strongly suggest removing your name from that document. I know that it's your poem, but you should replace it with your username; it's best not to make personal information available on he internet, dear.


Now, for the poem. I'm going to quote the whole thing here, in case anyone else would like to review it, but can't open the file:

My Valentine’s Day Poem
My dear old sweetheart
Stole my heart.
I can’t feeling anything
Sometimes I wish he was my everything.

He ran away to be with his true love
She looks like a dove.
I have never seen anything more beautiful
Or anything more truthful.

On this Valentine’s Day
I need to go away.
I can’t go to my family because the are belated,
And I am so frustrated.

Just about to be wed
The rose covered bed,
We both sit untouched
My best friend can’t do much.

Everyone is laughing with glee,
O I wish that was me.
Yesterday was my best friend’s wedding
I gave them bedding.

On this Valentine’s Day
I want to go away.
Still sitting on the rose covered bed,
Still not wed.

My review for this is attached below.

Juniper

Nice little poem, m'dear. I see June beat me here X_X
Anyways, I'm Colt, and I'll review your piece now

Pros
+I like the fact you have a rhyme scheme, this tells us you planned and worked hard on it.
+Kind of repetitive, which is good and bad.
+Nice symbolism and metaphors.
+Strong use of stylistic devices (especially rhyming).
+Easily relatable

Cons
-Not an interesting rhyme scheme.
-A bit cloudy sometimes
-It could use another metaphor or two.

My Valentine’s Day Poem
My dear old sweetheart
Stole my heart.
I can’t feel[s]ing[/s] anything (Um, verb problem?)
Oh sometimes I wish that
he was my everything.

He ran away to be with his true love
She looks like a [s]dove[/s] a fat glove. (hehe)
I have never seen anything more [s]beautiful[/s] ugly
Or anything more [s]truthful[/s] terrifying.
(Confusion here ^^)

On this Valentine’s Day
I need to go away.
I can’t go to my family because they are belated,
And I am so frustrated.

Just about to be wed (who is about to wed?)
The rose covered bed,
We both sit untouched
My best friend can’t do much. (When did the friend come in?

Everyone is laughing with glee,
O, do I wish that was me.
Yesterday was my best friend’s wedding (Hmm?)
I gave them bedding. (bedding? As in, a home?)

On this Valentine’s Day
I want to go away.
Still sitting on the rose covered bed,
Still not wed.

marinedancer,


This is rather poor. The love/dove rhyme is one of the biggest tip-offs that a work hasn't really been given serious thought. Not to say you didn't think about this as a whole, but most of your effort seems to be concentrated in making rhymes rather than making sense or being effective.

I didn't find the two images compelling. A woman who looks like a dove is not my idea of a beautiful woman, in any sense, and "a rose covered bed" is awfully treacly.

I don't see much of a future for this. Unrequited love is so common that, while not difficult to make interesting, requires skillful innovation I don't think (based on this) you're yet ready for. My advice would be to search online for poetry practices to get a better feeling for different techniques and styles of the poetic craft and to practice with those as much as possible. It would also be tremendously helpful to read other poets and to get a sense for what does and doesn't work.


Best,
Brad