Everything else

Just to let you know my friends are great, I have no boyfriend, and I have shown this to no one. Well, here goes nothing!




I'm sittin' with my back turned
waiting for the words like knives
my friends are gone
they have chosen sides
I watch the wind tease the grass
the grass plays along in the end

CHORUS
and like everything else
everything else
everything else, they have a friend


I'm talking on the phone with my boyfriend
He says it doesn't work out, this is the end
The phone clicks off as he says,
I know you're not the kind of girl who cries
I look out the window
tears running from my eyes
I watch the little neighbor boys
playing with the little neighbor girls


CHORUS

I'm lyin' on my back, looking at the sky
wathing all the clouds go by
I sit up, turn around, and suddenly
he's sittin' next to me on the ground
And then I see what was meant to be

And like everything else
everything else
everything else, I have a friend

Hello!

Ok, this will be kinda hard, because I don’t know the tune, but here it goes!

My friends are gone
they have chosen sides

“They have” doesn’t flow right for me. Maybe change it to “They’ve all”.

I watch the wind tease the grass
the grass plays along in the end

I like the first line! I would, however, change the second “the grass” to “it”.

The phone clicks off as he says,
I know you're not the kind of girl who cries
I look out the window
tears running from my eyes
I watch the little neighbor boys
playing with the little neighbor girls

I think you start of your sentences with “I” too much in this paragraph. Remember, we’ll still know it’s you, if you say “Watch the little neighbor boys”. Oh, and if the phone clicks, we know it’s off.

I sit up, turn around, and suddenly
he's sittin' next to me on the ground

This doesn’t really flow that well, I suggest you change it.

Ok, well that’s it. The only other thing I have to say is that your chorus it awfully short. I don’t think I’ve ever heard one like that. I would make it longer.

Oh, and I couldn’t really find a rhythm. (But that’s probably because I can’t hear it.) Rhythm is very important in a song.

Another thing; most songs rhyme. Not all of them do, and it doesn’t have to, but a lot of them do. I think the problem with this one is that every so often, some words will rhyme. So then the listener will be expecting more rhymes, and they might get confused when they don’t come.

Also, I don't really understand the story. Perhaps you can make it more clear?

So anyway, despite how mean I sound, this really isn’t a bad song. Just a few little things and it could be even better!

So long!
-Y