Villanelle

This is my first time trying to write a villanelle! Reviews will be appreciated, but see it from my newbie point And any advise on how to better execute a villanelle will be much welcomed!

Hold me on a summer breeze
by Kat

Hold me on the summer breeze,
play me the mellow melody line,
and be sorry for that broken tree.

Listen to the stars, ignore the rocks,
and believe in no other words than mine;
hold me on the summer breeze.

Unlace yourself from those locks,
try to reach only for the divine,
and be sorry for that broken tree.

Be free and bold, like the wild fox,
and be afraid of no warning sign;
Hold me on the summer breeze.

Stuff your heart in no small box,
turn your mind to no malign,
and be sorry for that broken tree.

Believe in nothing your life blocks,
and, please, do anything but decline.
Hold me on the summer breeze,
and be sorry for that broken tree.

Hey Kat! June here!

Awwww! This is such a pretty, pretty poem. Poems relating to Nature are my favorite and win me over easily.

So, let's see!

I enjoyed the repetition of "Hold me on to summer breeze" and "be sorry for that broken tree". It's very enjoyable to read over and over.


There's so many ways that this poem can be interpreted-- the broken tree can mean lots of things, but if you're reading it just to read it, it all makes sense and doesn't confuse the audience. Well done. ^_^


I really liked your wording as well. At first look, one could argue that you should clarify, but this provides the need to think, and as we think, we can understand the poem.


I think you have done an excellent job here, dear. Very impressive for a first try.

*hits gold star*


Sorry I have nothing constructive to say-- I'm short on time; I really, really did enjoy this.



Juniper

I do agree with the previous poster in the sense that both the repetition and symbolism of "be sorry for that broken tree was stimulating." I think if there is any issue here it isnt just that "be sorry for the broken tree" can be interepted differently. The issue is the fact that you provided no context for which that line of symbolism could be easily discerned.

I'm sure that, like most poems heavy in symbolism, there was a fabric of different symbols which made the others more exemplary but you need to make sure the reader can differniate each symbol from the other and that they don't rely on each other for their meaning. Otherwise, the lyrical scheme of the poem was very good and you did a very good job for your first attempt in this kind of poem.

(Breakdown of the above by her BF:

Each symbol should stand on its own, as much as they compliment eachother......)