Icecreams

I wrote this at age of 11.




I like icecreams,
Icecreams like me.
It's a natural habit,
Like sugar with tea.

Like a hurl without a sliothar,
Would be stranded.
And me without an icecream,
I couldn't stand it!

This *actually* made me get up and go see if there was ice cream in the freezer. No lie. There wasn't, though. Anyway, this is incredibly cute! Awh.

First of all, I love the last two lines of the first stanza, because sugar with tea is not a natural habit with some people, it depends on your tastes, just like ice cream liking you might not be a natural habit, so it presents sort of a contradiction, but a good one. If that makes sense.

Not sure what the next two lines are saying, though. Partly because I don't know what a sliothar is. But mostly because of the structure; I think it would be better if the whole last stanza was one sentence, so without the breaks, it would be like: Like a hurl without a sliothar would be stranded, me without an icecream - I couldn't stand it! But of course, it's your poem, so do with it what you will.

-Mars

Hi Rodhead! June here!

(This, and Mars's comment make me want icecream!)

So, this is a cute piece. You're lucky you were writing poetry at eleven years.


It made me laugh to see sliothar used here. That's very cute . Were you craving icecream when you wrote this?

I love how the first stanza rhymes and the second stanza doesn't. It raised the image of a child having patience, waiting for ice cream and then losing that patience and writing a non-rhyming poem.

Nice job on this! It made me happy, thanks for posting.

June

Aw I love this! It made me smile. I really love;
"Icecreams like me."

and

"Like a hurl without a sliothar,

Would be stranded."

I think it's great as it is. I think the deviation from the rhyme scheme and the fact that
"And me without an icecream,

I couldn't stand it!"
is a sentence in its own right add to its charm.

Jas

Thanks for your comments.I appreciate them

This is a very funny and sweet poem. I wish i had your migical touch when it comes to writing poems. I'm not very good at it, you see. I prefer fiction, yet this is such a joyful poem I couldn't resist reading it. 5 Stars!

I thank you so much. I ahve just read another poem on young writers society called to Lily, and it's so sad, so reading a happy poem has lighntended my mood. Excuse my spelling .

So you wrote this when you were 11? and your 18 now! thats a few years back now! you must have kept it very safe! By the way, it is obviously not your best poem because you are 11. But I am going to judge it as if you were 11.

This poem is very very cute, and sweet. My sister doesn't even like ice cream and it made her go awww.It's quite a common way in writing skipping rhymes, so it was interesting to see you write this way as a poem. But it actually turned out quite well.

Well done!

Hiya there!!!!!!!!!


I love this poem! It's so adorable! At that age it was pretty good. Since, you were writing then, I can already see your master pieces being quoted by the future people. I want ice cream now! You really know how to makes someone want ice cream. I'm gonna go make some home-made Popsicles. Meanwhile, you should make some more poems. I want o see what you can do now. You sure do have a future ahead of you.