My book Chapter 1

Chapter 1
Through out your life you see, hear, and learn many things. Destined from they day you are born to the day you must die, you get curios. Through out my life I learned that everything happens for a reason. I told my children whom told there children the story that changed their view of the world. And now as I, Elizabeth Gunham, type with weary hands I will tell you that story.
I was born May 19 1955. I grew as a single child, my mother’s little angel. Never once while she was here did I get into trouble, always following rules.
Living on a ranch did have its advantages. I had wide open fields. The only part was is that no one was there to enjoy them with me. The town was miles away. I got car sick easily. That is why I was glad it was so far away, yet that the food we grew ourselves was close by. Once a week my mom would get me all dressed up and we would ride our truck into the dirt parking lot in front of the church. I loved dressing up. At church I gained friends.
Maybelle, Alice, and Ray were their names. We played in the sand for as long as we could before our mothers could scold us for the mess we’d become. At age six I became popular. It was a wonderful feeling, everyone waiting on me hand and foot. Sadly it only lasted a short while. A new girl came and I became invisible. Though it was only Maybelle who stayed by my side. She was with me when we sold our farm. I was with her as she screamed about her many crushes on boys.
I never looked at a boy the way Maybelle did. Growing up around Ray made me realize that we were all the same. I would ask my mom what it felt like to be in love, but she simply answered, “Hon’ when you are in love it is the only thing that keeps you from crying.” Never once did I get what she meant. Maybelle said that it was amazing. She said that she had been born with Cupid’s arrow already in her heart.
I fell in love despite my beliefs. I was 12, and hormones were taking over. I was busy at the county fair. I had my dog, Shelly, getting ready for the dog show when she ran off. Shelly ran into the forest. My mom said never to go in there but Shelly was my dog and I just had to get her back. I yelled, walking around the perimeter. Slowly I inched my way closer to an opening of both my heart and the future that lay beyond the dark forest.

Hey, welcome to the site!

Before I critique this I'll ask you to check out the rules. Please keep a 2:1 ratio of reviews done to works posted; that is, please review stories by other people before you post your own.

So, I noticed you have a couple of grammar mistakes, so I'm going to go through and bold my corrections for you, and then tell you what I thought of it overall, m'kay? Also, does this story have a title yet? It might be a good idea, even if it's not a final title, as anything is better than untitled.

aouther2b wrote: Throughout your life you see, hear, and learn many things. Destined from the day you are born to the day you must die, you get curious. Throughout my life I learned that everything happens for a reason. I told my children, who told their children the story that changed their view of the world. And now as I, Elizabeth Gunham, type with weary hands, I will tell you that story.

I was born May 19, 1955. I grew up [s]as[/s] a single child, my mother’s little angel. Never once while she was here did I get into trouble, always following rules.

Living on a ranch [s]did have[/s] had its advantages. I had wide open fields. The only bad part was [s]is[/s] that no one was there to enjoy them with me. The town was miles away. I got car sick easily. That is why I was glad it was so far away, yet that the food we grew ourselves was close by. Once a week my mom would get me all dressed up and we would ride our truck into the dirt parking lot in front of the church. I loved dressing up. At church I [s]gained[/s] made friends.

Maybelle, Alice, and Ray were their names. We played in the sand for as long as we could before our mothers could scold us for the mess we’d become. At age six I became popular. How and why? It was a wonderful feeling, everyone waiting on me hand and foot. Sadly, it only lasted a short while. A new girl [s]came[/s] arrived and I became invisible. Through it [s]was[/s] only Maybelle who stayed by my side. She was with me when we sold our farm. I was with her as she screamed about her many crushes on boys.

I never looked at a boy the way Maybelle did. Growing up around Ray made me realize that we were all the same. I would ask my mom what it felt like to be in love, but she simply answered, “Hon’, when you are in love it is the only thing that keeps you from crying.” Never once did I get what she meant. Maybelle said that it was amazing. She said that she had been born with Cupid’s arrow already in her heart. I really like that last sentence!

I fell in love despite my beliefs. I was 12, and hormones were taking over. I was busy at the county fair. I had my dog, Shelly, getting ready for the dog show when she ran off. Shelly ran into the forest. My mom said never to go in there but Shelly was my dog and I just had to get her back. I yelled, walking around the perimeter. Slowly I inched my way closer to an opening of both my heart and the future that lay beyond the dark forest. Suspenseful ending - I can't wait to see what happens next!

Okay, dear. This is a really good start to your story; you've obviously thought about Elizabeth a ton, and it shows. I feel like I know her. The thing I think you need to work on is showing instead of telling. Basically, this whole excerpt is telling the reader what happened: "I did this. I did that. Then this happened. Then that happened." And no matter how wonderful the plot is, that's going to get very boring very fast. That's where showing comes in.

You can 'show' readers what happened a few different ways; through dialogue, thoughts, and actions. I'm going to link you to an article on show and tell - viewarticlebody.php?t=41426 - which can probably explain it better than I can!

Don't get discouraged, and definitely keep writing dear. PM me if you need anything and, again, welcome to the site!


-Mars

I see the basics have been covered; 2:1 ratio, grammar, ect. However, you are not writing like an author who knows your character. What you are writing is much more complex and deep. You don't know your character, you ARE your character. In only a few paragraphs you get us attached. You obviously put the work into developing your character and your story is stronger because of it. I would also remind you to show not tell. Not only will this pick up the quality level but it will lengthen the piece as well (a good thing if you're working towards a book or novel.) I checked out the link above and indeed it was very helpful. I also enjoy the way you know how to give enough information so we get it but not so much that we are bored. Keep on writing!!!