It started like this...

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When I opened my eyes, I was relieved to find myself in the comfort of my own room …and not in that scenario from ten years ago.

That dream-which is really just a flashback- has been haunting me after all these years and I can’t seem to erase that damned memory.

But anyway, my name is Summer Sparks and I can’t remember anything from my real identity except for the fact that my name was Summer Cohen and my family was killed by an unknown creature. And now, I’m sixteen and apparently, still alive and haunted.

I’m very much grateful for the couple who found and adopted me after the ‘incident’, they are Brianna and Harold Sparks-she is 31 and he is 33.

Five months after the near-death experience, I woke up inside a hospital room- heart aching and doomed. But then I saw two wonderful people looking at me and asking if I was okay already, I wanted to answer them but then I can’t find the voice to answer, so I just smiled.

I undergone therapies and recovered in month time yet recovering entirely, that I cannot do.
The image of a man burning my family, unfortunately, stayed but I’ve got current problems to be thinking about than that ten-year old catastrophe of mine.

“D*mn, I’m late” and yes, it’s not a good way to start the day.

Getting ready for less than half an hour before class is chaos, surprisingly though, I was done fixing myself after twenty minutes.

I ran downstairs.

“Mom, why didn’t you wake me up?” I told my mom, Brianna.

“Summer, dear, you don’t have----“And even before she completed her statement…

“Bye Mom, got to jet,” and then ran to school.

And it is a stupid thing to do by the way, especially when you have a car and your school is nowhere near your house. By the time I realized that running fast when I’m already late is stupid, I walked.

“I’m late anyway,’ I muttered to myself. The town was particularly quiet… which was weird.

“I wonder why,” then again, I thought.

I was peacefully walking when my phone suddenly rang. I then rummaged inside my purse for my phone but due to my clumsiness, my phone fell off the road.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid” I sighed but went to get my phone anyway. I knelt on the ground to retrieve it but I did not have any chance to stand up because while I was reaching for my phone, a car sped up towards me. It did not hit me though, but the proximity of the car to my face was enough for me to faint.

“When I look in your eyes, I could just drown,” he told me.

I smacked him in the head.

“Quit playing with me” was what I told him

“I’m not, when will you realize that I really care about you?”

“I don’t know, someday maybe” I stared at the guy talking to me: gray eyes, black hair, red highlights, perfect nose and full lips. He was just too gorgeous to be walking in my world.

“You’re a mystery to me Summer, a mys---”


“Miss? Miss! Wake up! Are you okay?” With that voice, I snapped out of my somewhat dream. And without opening my eyes, I told him…

“Yeah, I think so” and it felt unusually warm because someone was holding me but I was too dazed at the moment to even care. I’m wondering who the guy in my dream was… but he was too gorgeous to even exist.

I slowly opened my eyes and was greeted by a warm smile and a pair of hypnotic eyes.

I think I’m about to faint again.

“Are you okay now?” he asked.

I just nodded then slowly stood up.

“Why on earth are you in the middle of the road?” he asked, smiling.

“I… ah… my phone is here” while showing him my phone.

“Ah… I see, so where are you about to go? I could give you a ride you know, since I think you are not fully capable of walking straight”

“To school and f.y.i. I am capable of walking straight” and to prove him I walked away slowly but then managed to trip.

“Luck is not on my side today” I softly muttered under my breath while still sprawled on the ground.

“Right,” sarcasm evident in his voice

In seconds, he was helping me stand up and then, without my consent, he guided me to his passenger seat. And there I was, sitting inside someone’s car, the name of which I don’t know and is officially late for school.

Then I panicked.

“SCHOOL! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh” but then I could just hear laughter coming from the person beside me.

“Calm down,” he said.

“How would I? I’m late for school!” I told him.

“Unless you have classes during Saturdays, which I doubt, then you wouldn’t have to worry about anything”

“Eh? Saturday?” I asked him.

He nodded.

“So I was running for no apparent reason?” I asked him

“I guess, so where do you live?”

“No thanks, you might become my stalker, I’ll walk home” I got out of the car, not even bothering to look back.

“Wait!” shouted the guy, with that; I stopped dead on my tracks but still not looking back.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

And unenthusiastically I said, “Summer Sparks” and I continued walking but then realizing that for the sake of being polite I should ask his name too…

“Hey, what’s yours?” I told him, but still my back is facing him

“My name… is Pete Benson” he said and even though I was not looking at him, the tone of his voice made it evident that he was smiling.

“Okay, so I guess this is goodbye?” I finally looked at him.

“Yeah, so, see you when I see you?”

“Right, see you when I see you too” and for some inane reason, his name not only seemed so familiar but also so irritating. I continued my way home and still, with Pete’s name resounding in my head.

I’m so lucky, aren’t I?

Yeah, right






A/N: I know there's heaps of commas and ellipses. Sorry, but please review!
"Don't judge me based on my works, so I won't judge you based on yours"




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Points 2390
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Hello there!
I thought your story was great. Don't you think this is more of a romance than fantasy? Anyway, you didn't have so much mistakes.
There were some though, like,

“I… ah… my phone is here” while showing him my phone.
-- You missed a period (just a typo probably?) and it feels like somethings missing. You could try, "I.. ah.. my phone is here." I said, while showing him my phone.

Apart from that and some missing periods, I think your story is interesting.
Please continue and please PM me when you decide to write the next chapter.
Thanks! :)




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Points 890
Reviews 10
Sounds like this is going to develop into a highly eventful story. I like how the plot gets started right away and that we receive a little flashback/foreshadowing(maybe.) The only thing I can think to improve is the flow of it. Although the flow is already pretty superb I had trouble at a few parts distinguishing the end of one event/scene and the beginning of another.

"“I don’t know, someday maybe” I stared at the guy talking to me: gray eyes, black hair, red highlights, perfect nose and full lips. He was just too gorgeous to be walking in my world.

“You’re a mystery to me Summer, a mys---”

“Miss? Miss! Wake up! Are you okay?” With that voice, I snapped out of my somewhat dream. And without opening my eyes, I told him… "

This part was the roughest for me. i was confused on is it was the same guy or two separate people. The first person seems to know her (Summer right?) but the second seems to not know her (calling her miss.) Not bad transitioning but if you could add maybe even one sentence that shows that the first guy leaves or one that ties the person/people together if they are the same person. Overall though I really like how the story is developing so far. I give you an A!



The opposite of belonging is fitting in.
— Dr. Brené Brown