Love is a Leap

Love is a leap. Lamentably, I have never been inspired to jump.

-Leopold in Kate and Leopold(2001).


Shall we dance across the boundary of time,
And waltz past the fences
That dare separate our hearts?

Come, dearest, give me your hand,
No force in this world can sever the knots
That entangle my heartstrings to you.

Shall we take this leap then?
Jump into an unknown abyss, perhaps--
Perhaps to plummet to our doom;
But, oh! While we plunge into uncertainty,
Let out hearts race in excitement,
And our souls shudder in ecstasy.

So let us cross the boundary of time,
And walk in step with one another,
You and I;
Let us tear down these fences,
And walk through walls!
And when we reach the abyss:
Let us jump.

Hi Knightly!

That imprison my heartstrings to you.

Why would this "Force" imprison them? Love isn't supposed to be a prison, at least when it's real. (Their love seems real and happy) So! "Imprison" would not be the *appropriate* word to describe their connection. Just use the word "connect", "thread", or "tie". You could use any of those! Plus, even if you don't want to use those, there are many more out there!

But, oh! While we plunge into uncertainty,

I absolutely love, love, love this line!

Our hearts will race in excitement,

And our souls will shudder in ecstasy.

These lines following the last sound to be off. (From the rest of the poem.) It doesn't mean that they aren't good lines, however! In these two, you say what those things *will* do, you're not instructing this person. (You instruct the person throughout except here.) Easy fix, though!
Just say, "Let our hearts race with excitement,
And our souls shudder in ecstacy."
Same thing, just worded different.


Overall: This was really great, the best I've seen from you! Great, great work. (Gold Star). Just be sure to polish it up a little.


My pleasure,


---Jon---

Hey Knightly!

Boy, it's nice to read an uplifting poem! And, for the record, I love your inspiration--Kate and Leopold was an absolutely amazing movie.

But! Time for your poem. Hokay, so, as I said, it had a great uplifting aura to it. I like your somewhat "old fashioned" language; it gives the poem a certain flavor of antiquated happiness, something like what we feel everytime we rewatch or reread Jane Austen. You don't see that much in poetry anymore, so I'm glad you decided to write something with that feeling to it.

Your language flowed pretty well, too. It was very smooth and easy to read, so kudos on that.

There were also a few things I noticed about the language, though, that I wasn't so hot on. First off, your choice of expression was a bit cliche at times: "souls shudder in ecstasy," "imprison my hearstrings," "boundary of time." Add heaving bosoms, full lips, and a meadow of daises with two lovers dancing across it, and bing badda boom, we've got ourselves the next tisket a tasket! [/sarcasm] My point? Your language is a bit cheesy. Try to go for more original comparisons, such as comparing a heart or soul to something unconventional. Better yet, don't mention the words "heart" or "soul" at all. Can you express them differently? Have a simple referral to them?

This poem seemed a bit general, too. I get many of your references, since I have seen the movie, and, well, it is about time travel. I think this poem would be much more powerful, though, if you pinpointed one specific instance from the movie, or one thing that struck you, and then wrote about it. Generalities often result in trite phrasing and make it much harder to be original. Go for the gold! Be daring! Perhaps you could write about the rush of emotions Leopold feels when he sees Kate before he announces his engagement. Or Kate's trepidation at jumping off the Brooklyn bridge, tying it in somehow with her fear of letting go into love. I'm not sure, but there are many possibilities.

Overall, a very nice poem that I really enjoyed reading. You seem to have a knack for lyrical language, and with a few tweaks, I'm sure "Love is a Leap" will be better than ever! Have a great day!

Wiggy

Hi! i posted a poem and you replied to it. (thanks for the review!!) then I just wanted to read some of your works too...

i'm not really good also at reviewing stuff too.. i always feel that i'm not really that much of a writer, yet here i am suggesting and commenting about the works of other people who, by far, as i've read their works are better and more experienced writers than i am...
but..
i really love this poem!! i think the words are very sweet, and even though you didn't use words that are too fancy, it still had that purity in it...
and you expressed that feeling of genuine happiness that you feel when you're in love perfectly!

and yeah, i think it was easy to read... but i think it's really great...
(kinda embarrassed now about my works since i've read one of yours..)

i don't think your language is cheesy at all!!

--Therese