Freaky Phone Calls

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Was based on an actual event during the summer.


Freaky Phone Calls
(':twisted:')


“Okay, okay Roxy I get it, but I still have to go.”

“Oh come on, your just mad at me!”

“Oh great, she hung up again.”

She always does this when I want to go. I could have to go to the hospital and it’s still a good chance she would get mad at me.

“I better call her back.”

“Beep…beep…beep…beep...hello?”

“Hi Roxy, its Debra and...”

Stop it,” it was back.

“...And I just wanted to say good night.”

“But! Wait! Did you hear that?”

“I didn’t hear anything,” I lied.

I rolled me eyes to what I was hearing. Did she think I was going to fall for it forever? I almost laughed.

My room is a purple color, so purple that it turned out to be kind of a cave even with the light on. It’s also small, which makes it a small cave. Even though it’s small, I still have to share it. This means two dressers instead of one, even smaller cave, only one light fixture on the wall too. Wow, I never thought of it before, but I have a small purple dark cave. This made it frightening the first time “It” appeared while I was on the phone with Roxy.

I stuck my feet between the frigid bars of my brother’s bed which was right above me. My brown hair curls over my face. We were silent for awhile. I decided to stay on the phone; I mean what is the harm of staying on late in the summer time.

Roxy is my friend that has a few qualities. She has a temper, but good heart, a childish attitude, but good intentions, and a bad habit, but you learn from it too. She is on the heavy side and has red hair. She lives in Cascade Locks, and I live in Hood River. So we can’t see each other that much, only at school, but then she is a grade lower then me. So that leads to all the phone calls between her and I, but sometimes we just have nothing to talk about so we’re silent on the phone for hours at a time.

“So what do you want to talk about?” I asked trying to start a conversion.

“I don’t know,” she snorts.

I’m really bad about this, I can get kind of snappy and a little spiteful when people make me do something and then they do nothing.

“Well, if we have nothing to talk about, then I have to go.” This is what I was talking about.

“No, a little bit longer.”

“Roxy,” trying not to yell, “I have to go.”

Silence

Stop it!

“Did you hear that,” Roxy exclaimed.

“Hear what?” I almost started laughing again taking my feet from the bars.

“Okay fine, I’ve gotta go. Bye.”

“Bye Roxy,” I start, “I’ll talk tomorrow.”

It’s been this way for a while now. When I deny hearing “It,” she hangs up on me and calls back right away. Or sometimes I call back after she had called me first. But now its time to report back to mom.

I got up and raced down the hall and the stairs to my mom’s room. She is the one who gave the idea to deny “It” presents.

“Mom, we heard from it again,” I joke.

“Oh really?,” she questioned, “What happened?”

“We were talking and I wanted to go, but then she gets mad at me and then we hear It say stop it again.”

“It” is a third party that is almost always on the phone when I’m on the phone with Roxy. It says things like “stop it” or “leave me alone.” I call it “It” because well we don’t know what or where its coming from. It speaks with this fuzzy low voice.

“Like I expected,” she start, “Roxy get frustrated and goes to call her third party to find out the problem, but then give up for the night to try and fix it.

Now this is what she’s talking about. She thinks Roxy has been tricking me by making up it. How does she know? Well here is some evidence. First ever time we’re on the phone, if I say I want to leave or she says, “oh, I wonder if we’re going to hear it again,” it shows up. Then she is well known for trying to test my trust. But the bad thing is, I’m too trusting so she tends to fool me a lot.

“Well, I’m going to bed, good night Mom.”

“Okay, good night Debra”

The next day, everything seemed okay until Roxy calls. I'm getting dressed, shirt and jeans. Simple right? Well, not when you have someone constantly calling you.

“Come on, don’t you hear it Debra?”

“No Roxy,” I lie again.

She just wasn’t giving up. Well you know what they say about red heads they are stubborn. These phone calls went on for weeks, non-stop. The summer was running out. I was getting tired of waiting for her to stop. This was going to be the final phone call.

The day was calm, I was doing Saturday homework, and I'm doing chores not school work. It was that kind of day you really don’t want to stop having, but will end eventually. The sun was leaving for the day, and the moon was coming out. A gentle wind came into my room and sent a chill up my spine.

Was I really going to do this if “It” spoke? No one was home, so I could yell if I needed to.

Ring....Ring....Ring....

The phone is ringing maybe it's Roxy.

“Hello,” I answer the phone.

“Hi Debra, its Roxy,” She began, “how are you?”

“Oh, I’m all right. You?”

“Good.”

So far so good.

Stop It.

So much for that idea, that wish, that hope. Dang it, I didn’t want to do this.

“Did you hear that Debra?!”

“Yes, I did and now it's time to say good bye. I hope......”

“What are you talking about? What do you mean good bye?”

“I’m tired of your lying! You constantly try and.....”

Leave me alone!

“Leave you alone,” Roxy shout,” leave me alone. Leave Debra alone. You stop it! I am losing one of my best friends because of you. Stop it!”

I was shocked. Ether she was yelling at herself or she wasn’t “It.” So at that point I decided to join in.

“Right, leave us alone. You have no right to be listening to us. Go away!”

“It” tried to speak again but we interrupted “It” every time until finally.....

Fine! You win. You two stupid girls! What?”

The at first scary voice changes into a regular teenage boy's voice while he was speaking.

“Hay! I recognize your voice,” Roxy yells.

“No you don’t.........,” It stutters, “beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,” It hung up.

Both of us were still on the phone. We stayed quiet to see if he had really left. And we just flat out didn’t know what to say. This guy had been terrorizing us for almost two months. What now?

“Roxy I don’t know what to say, but maybe I can start off by saying sorry.”

“I’m sorry,” she starts, “I had no idea I was lying to you so much would you forgive me first?”

She had never done this before. She was really sorry. I can’t believe what a jerk I was.

“Of course I will, but my only conditions are that you stop lying and you forgive me too.”

We talked for another couple hours, but finally we said good bye for the time. I was so relived. I finally knew the truth, and it felt great to know. The same gentle wind came back into my dark
purple cave, but felt soothing as I inhale it in and it exhale out. There was no chill up my spine of fear this time. I feel asleep within in seconds.

The next day, I told my mom what happened last night, but then she told me what was on the news.

“What, no way!”

“Yep, phone hackers all over the county. It had been going on all summer and they found out about it just last night,” she explains to me, “so if you talk to Roxy tell her I’m sorry.”

“Ya no problem,” I smiles, “I’ll call her now.”

I ran upstairs into my room, and I called Roxy for the first time ever.




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Heya, I'm here to review your story obviously. ;)

First of all, some punctuation and phrasing thingies that I noticed and then some general comments in the very end.


“Oh come on, your just mad at me!”


Oh come on, you're just mad at me!

This means two dressers instead of one, even smaller cave, only one light fixture on the wall too.


This sentence has too much in it at the same time and sounds too mixed-up. I'd better either divide it somehow or work on the punctuation. Make it something like "This means two dressers instead of one, an even smaller cave and only one light fixture on the wall (no need for "too" here)".
And the whole paragraph has too many "small" in it... try replacing those with synonyms like "tiny", for example, to make it sound more interesting and expressive.

She has a temper, but good heart, a childish attitude, but good intentions, and a bad habit, but you learn from it too.


Same here. Worked on the punctuation a bit.
"She has a temper, but a good heart; a childish attitude (to what, by the way?), but good intentions; a bad habit (like...?), but you learn from it, too."

I asked trying to start a conversion.


"Conversation", I guess. ;)

But now its time to report back to mom.


"It's", since it is a contraction from "it is", I believe. :)

She is the one who gave the idea to deny “It” presents.


Did you mean "presence" here? Or I simply misunderstood something otherwise... :-/

Roxy get frustrated and goes to call her third party to find out the problem, but then give up for the night to try and fix it.


"Gets" and "gives up"...

She thinks Roxy has been tricking me by making up it.


This one would look way better like this: "She thinks Roxy has been tricking me by making “It” up."

Well you know what they say about red heads they are stubborn.


Hey, where's all the punctuation in this one? :) "Well, you know what they say about red heads - they are stubborn."

Missed a word in the below one?
It was that kind of day you really don’t want to stop having, but it/that will end eventually.


The phone is ringing maybe it's Roxy.


This one definitely should be split.
"The phone is ringing. Maybe it's Roxy."

The at first scary voice changes into a regular teenage boy's voice while he was speaking.


"The voice, which seemed scary at first, changes into a regular teenage boy's voice, as he speaks."

And we just flat out didn’t know what to say.


"And we just flat out, not knowing what to say."

I had no idea I was lying to you so much would you forgive me first?


"I had no idea I was lying to you so much... Would you forgive me first?"

I feel asleep within in seconds.


"I fell asleep within seconds."

“Ya no problem,” I smiles


Smile ;)

ON THE TOTALITY:

The idea is truly great! I actually did not expect that this "IT" really existed, so I was shocked just as Debra and Roxy - thanks for that. ;) I think you need to slow down a bit when you're writing, you won't have as many "3 in 1" sentences with nearly no punctuation in them in this case. Also, in some places the tenses are all mixed up - try going through the whole story again paying attention to this and you'll notice what I'm talking about. Sometimes this makes it hard to understand when the event is happening - now or is it in the past.

Oh, and it'd be really enjoyable if you provided more information about both Roxy and Debra, their friendship and how did they meet. Otherwise, those "freaky phone calls" seem to be just out of the blue. :D

Anyways, I liked it a lot - even though the theme is not a deep one, but the story still has some kind of tension in it, which is great!

Feel free to PM me if you need further help with it or any other story of yours... and keep writing. ;)


~ Victoria
"It's better to be wanted for murder, than not to be wanted at all."



Don't sit down and write because you're a writer; sit down and write because you have something to say. And if the sea of ideas isn't flowing, well, just tell me about your day.
— OrabellaAvenue