The Faeries Chapter Four

I bet whoever read this in the past has forgotten what it was about :lol: I just can't believe how long it has taken me to finish this chapter and post it! So, go ahead. Rip it to shreds if you want. It'll be fun to watch :P To me, it seems to be lacking description--like in all my work. So any tips on that? But at least, er, enjoy it. I hope it isn't too long.

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Chapter Four: The Morphers

Gabrielle was staying with us. Those two were stuck to each other like Siamese twins. It was absolutely gross. But I’m not jealous. No envy. Okay, there was a little. But, as long as they were happy and had each other, I was fine.
I went to the hospital the next morning and the doctor said it was only a minor fraction. She put it into a cast and sent me on my way. Quinn, when I went to work, reamed me out for getting beat up by Misfit killers. I told him it was unavoidable and everything was fine. Everything was fine. Until trouble came.
I was on may way home from the convenience store when I bumped into someone unexpected. I usually read while I’m walking and today was no exception. I had only bought a few snacks for tonight and a magazine.
I was reading an interesting article on global warming when I literally bumped into someone. I dropped the magazine in surprise and stared at the flushed face of Mary Jane.
“Antonio!” she giggled, picking up the magazine. “You didn’t call.” She held it out to me.
I swallowed and took the magazine back. Of course I didn’t Mary. I’m a Faerie and you’re a human. I’ve only met you once. It would be too early to marry. I knew I couldn’t say that, so I decided to ignore her statement. “Mary! How have you been?”
She pushed a loose piece of brown hair behind her ear. “I’ve been good. How about you?” She smiled widely at me.
I stepped around her, hoping to escape. “Excellent! Pedro and Gabrielle are getting married.”
“Oh! Really, when is the wedding?”
“Uh…they haven’t planned that far ahead.” I took a step backwards, rolling the magazine up.
Mary turned around, blue eyes following my movements. “Are you busy tonight, Tony?”
I automatically said, “I prefer Ant over Tony.”
She let out a laugh and I groaned inwardly. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I don’t know why I ever go to those quiet pubs. Perhaps it’s to get out of the house and talk with different people. But I always came home with numbers from numerous girls every time.
Mary Jane was one of those girls. She was beautiful. She had mocha coloured skin, curly brown hair and twinkling blue eyes. Another thing I knew about her was that she loved to laugh at herself. I only hope she could laugh at this situation.
Mary gave out another giggle and scratched the side of her neck. “Okay, Ant. But my question?”
I looked around me as if it would find a suitable lie. The weight in my left hand reminded me of the goodies. I raised the bag to show her. “We were just going to hang out and watch a movie. The three of us.”
“Oh.” A downhearted expression crossed her face. But then a sly grin stole over her face. “Could I join? Then you won’t feel so left out.”
I scratched my cheek. “Uh…I don’t know Mary. Pedro wouldn’t wa---”
“What did you do to your hand?” she demanded, finally noticing the cast. Gabrielle had drawn silly cartoons all over it in various colours. She had told me once that she wanted to be a cartoonist. But her mother said it wasn’t a good paying job so she started to go to university to become a doctor. She quit after awhile and began to take art classes while working in a clothing store.
“Oh, I just fractured it. Nothing serious.” I waved my hand in a careless way.
Mary nodded, a minor look of concern on her face. “Well, I’m sure the two would like to spend the night by themselves.” She grinned, perfect white teeth flashing. “Meet me at the café on the corner tonight at seven. Don’t be late.”
Before I could say a word she turned and walked off. I watched her go, my mouth hanging open. I couldn’t move. She had to be the most persistent woman I ever met.
“Close that mouth of yours, unless you do want flies to go in,” said a voice.
I snapped my mouth shut and turned my head to see Red. He was leaning against the wall of a building, filthy as ever. “Red!”
“Hmm, I’m surprised you still know my name.” He took the toothpick out of his mouth and stared at me. “Why were you avoiding me?”
“Uh…I-I wasn’t avoiding you. I’ve just been busy is all,” I lied. Crap. I sure didn’t give bums enough credit. Red was smart to assume I was avoiding him. “But, how have you been?”
Red chewed on the toothpick as he continued to stare. “Antonio Divah. You never said you were born in Spain. I assumed Mexico, but not Spain.”
I froze. He didn’t look triumphant that he knew who I was. In fact, I could see a hint of sadness in his eyes. “H-How did you find out?”
He gave out a heavy sigh and removed himself from the wall. “The only reason I pried was because I didn’t want to get eaten.”
“Eaten?” I stared at him. I lifted my lips in a disgusted grimace. Those Morphers threatened to eat him? Sick.
He strolled over to me and put a dirt covered hand on my shoulder. “I’m not exactly sure why those things want you or your brother. But you two aren’t safe.”
My gaze strayed to his hand and he took it off. “Why are you telling me this?”
I watched him as he glanced down at the sidewalk, a fearful glint in his eyes. Right then I knew. Something was wrong and everyone was going to get caught up in it. Those Morphers wouldn’t give up till they had what they wanted. But what did they want? How did they know of Pedro and I?
His voice was lowered but I heard him clear as day. “You’re one of those Faerie things aren’t you? That’s why those things are after you. That’s why you were avoiding me and that’s why you got all spooky when I first told you about them.”
Damn! This man was way smarter then I gave him credit for! I swallowed nervously and rubbed my palms together. “Red, are you still working with those things?” I inquired.
“Fortunately no. I ran away from the duty they bestowed upon me.” He screwed up his face in a disgusted manner. “Who talks like that anyways?”
A laugh escaped my quivering lips. I shifted my weight and suppressed the urge to twitch my tail. “Th-then, would you go with me to the apartment building? So you can explain everything to me and explain why you’re telling me.”
Red shrugged. “It’ll have to be tomorrow as you have a date.” He backed away from me, a sly smile on his dirt smeared face. A woman walked passed him, turning her head away in disgust. I watched her go and when I turned my eyes back to Red, he was gone.
“Red?” I called. There was no answer. How could he slip away that fast? I looked around the street but couldn’t find him anywhere. Where did that bum go? Then I remembered his words. I had a date tonight. A date on which I couldn’t take my hat nor my coat off. Great. All those manners mother raised me with would be out the window. Mary Jane would think I’m some disrespectful slob. Not the impression I wanted to make.
With a shrug I continued on down the street. I felt the rolled up magazine in my hand but I wasn’t in the mood for reading. Us Faeries had been discovered by two people in a very short period of time. Both those people I considered friends. Especially Gabrielle.
A cold gust of wind swept down the street and into my bones. I shivered and quickened my pace. Winter was coming in fast. Just the other day I was complaining about how I hated looking at the bare trees. Soon, they were going to be covered in snow. I didn’t mind winter. But the cold sure chilled me.
Before I knew it, snowflakes began to fall. Not the small flakes but the large puffy ones. The weather had no idea what it was doing. One day it was raining, the next sunny and now it was snowing. I shook my head and turned down an alley. It was the shortcut home from the store.
“Antonio!” shouted a voice. Gosh, was I popular today or what?
I turned around and saw Gabrielle hurrying towards me, blonde hair waving behind her. She usually had her hair up in a pony. Rarely was it free to flow behind her like that. Then it hit me. Gabrielle and Pedro were at the apartment building waiting for me. Why was she out here?
“What’s the matter?”
She paused in front of me, a smile playing on her lips. “Nothing. I just wanted to talk to you.” She caressed my cheek with a gloved hand.
I drew away from her and swallowed nervously. “Gabbie, what are you doing?”
She cocked her head to the side and batted her eyelashes. What the hell was the matter with her? She had never acted like this before. “Whatever do you meant Antonio? I wanted to speak to you about something. There’s something really important I have to say. I want you Antonio.”
I gaped at her in horror. My ears were ringing as I stood there, mouth open. What did she just say? She wanted me? No, no this wasn’t happening.
But then something happened and it was not normal. Gabrielle’s body began to shiver and wave. Her tall, slender form disappeared to be replaced by a man around my height and he had a big nose. From underneath his black hoody, his broad shoulders bulged out. Black eyes glowered at me from under black lashes. Everything about this Morpher was black.
“And now you’re mine.” I turned around but saw another figure walk up behind me. This one had the exact same big nose as the one behind me. Brothers. I was dead. I dashed down the street and hurried away from them. Considering I was being chased by two Morphers, I was relieved. It wasn’t Gabrielle. Relief washed over me. Gabrielle loved Pedro. End of story.
I heard their heavy footsteps behind me as they fell into pursuit. I had no idea how I always seemed to land in these kind of predicaments. But I always seemed to get out of them, one way or another. I looked over my shoulder and saw that they had hoods on now. I hope they weren’t shifting into their original state. Whatever it was. The sun was long gone now and the temperature had fallen way down.
I stumbled over a pothole and careened forwards. I caught my balance and as I was straightening up, a hand caught the collar of my coat.
“Just hand over your brother or the Staff of Grimbow, Divah. That’s all we want,” a voice hissed into my ear. The voice was scratchy, like those annoying guys on commercials. It made my skin crawl and I soon had goose bumps up and down my arms. The hair on the back of my neck even stood up. But it was the words more than the voice that alarmed me.
The Staff of Grimbow was entrusted to the Divah family when the Faeries first came to Earth. It’s passed on through our family and now Pedro and I were the Keepers. Grimbow was a powerful magician Morpher who was being hunted for murdering several people. He transferred all his powers into his staff and took his life. If the staff was misused in any way, he would come back. Even more powerful. Also, the Staff made the wielder immortal and powerful--as long as it wasn’t misused. To me--a person who loves to read--the whole story quite clichéd.
Us Faeries had taken the Staff with us to prevent any Morphers from getting their hands on it. Morphers hated Faeries, hence the reason we were banished. If they had the Staff, they had the power to destroy a whole race. I assume now, that the story was still popular in Argmar. I was not about to give the Staff or my brother to these things.
“Why the hell would I do that?” I yanked myself away from him and started down the street again. I turned a corner and saw an alley in front of me. I took my chance and ducked into it. I flattened against the wall and waited quietly. Two dark figures hurried by, completely missing me. I gave out a sigh but stayed where I was. They probably suspected I was here and would double back to catch me sneaking off. I waited a few more minutes. Perhaps they weren’t that smart. I looked both ways and pried myself off the brick wall.
Suddenly a dark figure landed in front of me and I felt a strong hand wrap itself around my neck, slamming me into the wall. The air left my lungs in a big whoosh, leaving me completely breathless. I felt my back twinge and winced.
“Listen Divah, all we want is that staff or your brother. Give us one of them.” His head was hooded, but I heard something like a snake flicking its tongue come from inside the hood.
I pulled on the hand. “You’ll get neither.” Hell, all I wanted was a normal life. Maybe I should have been born into a human family. I kicked him in the stomach and he released me. I headed for the street, but was stopped by the second one. Shit! How the hell did I get myself into these situations?
“Be a good sport Divah,” he said. “You’re trapped.”
I looked quickly over my shoulder and saw the other Morpher pick himself up. “I’m not a good sport. You should know that by now.” I swallowed down my fear. “And why don’t you want me?”
“You’re a useless little Misfit. Your brother, however, has extraordinary powers. He doesn’t even realize how powerful they are,” the one behind me said.
Pedro, extraordinary powers? Mother and father for sure would have realized how powerful he was. They had said nothing. Nobody said nothing. Or were we too naïve to realize it? Yet, I felt quite sceptical at the thought. No Faerie was very powerful.
“So he must be out of the way,” the other added. “And you’re a good way to get to him. We were going to use him as a bargaining chip, but you’re much better.”
“Only if you can catch me!” I ducked past the first creature--the one I had kicked--and rushed down the alley. The temperature was quite chilly, the chilliest I’ve ever experienced in all the years I’ve lived in New York. I was gasping for breath and I could just feel the air in my lungs turning to icicles. I had to shake these things off some how. I wished that I had the nimbleness of a goat or the agility of a cat at the moment. Unfortunately, I was like a human. So I continued to run.
I saw a street up ahead and a taxi drove by. If I could hail a taxi, I could possibly get away. Pedro was probably worried I got caught by Misfit killers again. I wouldn’t be surprised if he came looking for me. It was times like that when he was the older brother.
I felt something wrap around my legs and I fell. I flung my arms out instinctively and winced as a sharp pain flew up through my broken wrist. I twisted around and stared up at one of those hooded freaks. Damn Morphers from Argmar.
“Looks like we caught it Ashmar,” he cackled.
The other strolled up, hands in pockets. “About time too. This cold weather is chilling my bones. I hate this blasted world.” He stared down at me and I heard the snake flicking sounds. “Well Warf, get on with it.”
The one holding me, Warf, grasped the front of my coat and gave me a good shake. “Where is that Staff?” he demanded.
“I’m not gonna tell you,” I snapped. “And Pedro ain’t either, so give it all up!”
Ashmar gave out a growl and looked around. “Okay, where do we find your brother? He’ll surely tell us if we threaten to kill you.”
“Like hell I’ll tell you!”
“Antonio!” called a voice. Oh no. It was Pedro. He actually came looking for me, the little fool. “Antonio are you down there?”
I tilted my head upwards and I saw his slender figure at the mouth of the entrance. “Run Pedro!” I shouted.
“Why?” Warf made an aggrieved sound at the same moment I rolled my eyes in exasperation. If someone tells you to run, you run. Don’t question it.
Ashmar bent over and grabbed me by the throat. He picked me up like it was nothing and held me up into the air. I was a tall person; at least six foot three. Seriously, there was no possible way for this guy to lift me up by my throat. But what ever way he did it, it really hurt. My throat tightened and a prickly feeling came every time I tried to breath or speak.
“Antonio!” I saw him start down the alley.
“No Pedro!” I choked. “Run you fool!”
He paused in his tracks and stared at me. “Surrender or we’ll kill him,” Ashmar said, tightening his hold on my throat. I gave out a cough and dug my short fingernails into his large hand.
“R-Run Pedro!” I ordered. I was feeling faint and I was seeing black spots. What the hell was going on?
“Antonio!” He had a confused look on his face, as if he had no idea what to do.
“All we want is the Staff of Grimbow. Give it to us and you’ll both live,” Warf said.
“Th-They’re lying Pedro! They’re g-g-going to k-ki---” Ashmar tightened his grip with a violent squeeze. I tried to kick my legs and pry his hand off, but I felt so weak. He released me and I hit the ground, the last thing I heard was Pedro shouting my name.

Well, it certainly took you long enough. Hmph.

Gabrielle was staying with us. Those two were stuck to each other like Siamese twins.

First I want to say that you have to state that you're talking about Pedro here, because some people may not know that.

I went to the hospital the next morning and the doctor said it was only a minor fraction. She put it into a cast and sent me on my way.

Since I can't remember what happened - hmph - you should elaborate a bit more on this, subtley tell us how and where he got hurt. Ex: The giant purple bunnies I fought with this morning left a huge mark on my left eye, but the doctor said I was fine...

Quinn, when I went to work, reamed me out for getting beat up by Misfit killers.

Rephrase this. When I went to work, Quinn reamed me out for getting beat up by Misfit killers.

was on may way home

*cough* MY *cough*

I had only bought a few snacks for tonight and a magazine.

Rephrase. I had only bought a few snacks and a magazine for tonight.

I stepped around her, hoping to escape. “Excellent! Pedro and Gabrielle are getting married.”

This didn't make much sense to me. If he was trying to escape, why would he tell her that? That's a pretty easy way to start a conversation, I think.

I automatically said, “I prefer Ant over Tony.”

Hahaha.


My gaze strayed to his hand and he took it off. “Why are you telling me this?”
I watched him as he glanced down at the sidewalk, a fearful glint in his eyes. Right then I knew. Something was wrong and everyone was going to get caught up in it. Those Morphers wouldn’t give up till they had what they wanted. But what did they want? How did they know of Pedro and I?
His voice was lowered but I heard him clear as day. “You’re one of those Faerie things aren’t you? That’s why those things are after you. That’s why you were avoiding me and that’s why you got all spooky when I first told you about them.”
Damn! This man was way smarter then I gave him credit for! I swallowed nervously and rubbed my palms together. “Red, are you still working with those things?” I inquired.
“Fortunately no. I ran away from the duty they bestowed upon me.” He screwed up his face in a disgusted manner. “Who talks like that anyways?”
A laugh escaped my quivering lips. I shifted my weight and suppressed the urge to twitch my tail. “Th-then, would you go with me to the apartment building? So you can explain everything to me and explain why you’re telling me.”
Red shrugged. “It’ll have to be tomorrow as you have a date.” He backed away from me, a sly smile on his dirt smeared face. A woman walked passed him, turning her head away in disgust. I watched her go and when I turned my eyes back to Red, he was gone.
“Red?” I called. There was no answer. How could he slip away that fast? I looked around the street but couldn’t find him anywhere. Where did that bum go? Then I remembered his words. I had a date tonight. A date on which I couldn’t take my hat nor my coat off. Great. All those manners mother raised me with would be out the window. Mary Jane would think I’m some disrespectful slob. Not the impression I wanted to make.
With a shrug I continued on down the street. I felt the rolled up magazine in my hand but I wasn’t in the mood for reading. Us Faeries had been discovered by two people in a very short period of time. Both those people I considered friends. Especially Gabrielle.
A cold gust of wind swept down the street and into my bones. I shivered and quickened my pace. Winter was coming in fast. Just the other day I was complaining about how I hated looking at the bare trees. Soon, they were going to be covered in snow. I didn’t mind winter. But the cold sure chilled me.
Before I knew it, snowflakes began to fall. Not the small flakes but the large puffy ones. The weather had no idea what it was doing. One day it was raining, the next sunny and now it was snowing. I shook my head and turned down an alley. It was the shortcut home from the store.
“Antonio!” shouted a voice. Gosh, was I popular today or what?
I turned around and saw Gabrielle hurrying towards me, blonde hair waving behind her. She usually had her hair up in a pony. Rarely was it free to flow behind her like that. Then it hit me. Gabrielle and Pedro were at the apartment building waiting for me. Why was she out here?
“What’s the matter?”
She paused in front of me, a smile playing on her lips. “Nothing. I just wanted to talk to you.” She caressed my cheek with a gloved hand.
I drew away from her and swallowed nervously. “Gabbie, what are you doing?”
She cocked her head to the side and batted her eyelashes. What the hell was the matter with her? She had never acted like this before. “Whatever do you meant Antonio? I wanted to speak to you about something. There’s something really important I have to say. I want you Antonio.”
I gaped at her in horror. My ears were ringing as I stood there, mouth open. What did she just say? She wanted me? No, no this wasn’t happening.
But then something happened and it was not normal. Gabrielle’s body began to shiver and wave. Her tall, slender form disappeared to be replaced by a man around my height and he had a big nose. From underneath his black hoody, his broad shoulders bulged out. Black eyes glowered at me from under black lashes. Everything about this Morpher was black.
“And now you’re mine.” I turned around but saw another figure walk up behind me. This one had the exact same big nose as the one behind me. Brothers. I was dead. I dashed down the street and hurried away from them. Considering I was being chased by two Morphers, I was relieved. It wasn’t Gabrielle. Relief washed over me. Gabrielle loved Pedro. End of story.
I heard their heavy footsteps behind me as they fell into pursuit. I had no idea how I always seemed to land in these kind of predicaments. But I always seemed to get out of them, one way or another. I looked over my shoulder and saw that they had hoods on now. I hope they weren’t shifting into their original state. Whatever it was. The sun was long gone now and the temperature had fallen way down.
I stumbled over a pothole and careened forwards. I caught my balance and as I was straightening up, a hand caught the collar of my coat.
“Just hand over your brother or the Staff of Grimbow, Divah. That’s all we want,” a voice hissed into my ear. The voice was scratchy, like those annoying guys on commercials. It made my skin crawl and I soon had goose bumps up and down my arms. The hair on the back of my neck even stood up. But it was the words more than the voice that alarmed me.
The Staff of Grimbow was entrusted to the Divah family when the Faeries first came to Earth. It’s passed on through our family and now Pedro and I were the Keepers. Grimbow was a powerful magician Morpher who was being hunted for murdering several people. He transferred all his powers into his staff and took his life. If the staff was misused in any way, he would come back. Even more powerful. Also, the Staff made the wielder immortal and powerful--as long as it wasn’t misused. To me--a person who loves to read--the whole story quite clichéd.
Us Faeries had taken the Staff with us to prevent any Morphers from getting their hands on it. Morphers hated Faeries, hence the reason we were banished. If they had the Staff, they had the power to destroy a whole race. I assume now, that the story was still popular in Argmar. I was not about to give the Staff or my brother to these things.
“Why the hell would I do that?” I yanked myself away from him and started down the street again. I turned a corner and saw an alley in front of me. I took my chance and ducked into it. I flattened against the wall and waited quietly. Two dark figures hurried by, completely missing me. I gave out a sigh but stayed where I was. They probably suspected I was here and would double back to catch me sneaking off. I waited a few more minutes. Perhaps they weren’t that smart. I looked both ways and pried myself off the brick wall.
Suddenly a dark figure landed in front of me and I felt a strong hand wrap itself around my neck, slamming me into the wall. The air left my lungs in a big whoosh, leaving me completely breathless. I felt my back twinge and winced.
“Listen Divah, all we want is that staff or your brother. Give us one of them.” His head was hooded, but I heard something like a snake flicking its tongue come from inside the hood.
I pulled on the hand. “You’ll get neither.” Hell, all I wanted was a normal life. Maybe I should have been born into a human family. I kicked him in the stomach and he released me. I headed for the street, but was stopped by the second one. Shit! How the hell did I get myself into these situations?
“Be a good sport Divah,” he said. “You’re trapped.”
I looked quickly over my shoulder and saw the other Morpher pick himself up. “I’m not a good sport. You should know that by now.” I swallowed down my fear. “And why don’t you want me?”
“You’re a useless little Misfit. Your brother, however, has extraordinary powers. He doesn’t even realize how powerful they are,” the one behind me said.
Pedro, extraordinary powers? Mother and father for sure would have realized how powerful he was. They had said nothing. Nobody said nothing. Or were we too naïve to realize it? Yet, I felt quite sceptical at the thought. No Faerie was very powerful.
“So he must be out of the way,” the other added. “And you’re a good way to get to him. We were going to use him as a bargaining chip, but you’re much better.”
“Only if you can catch me!” I ducked past the first creature--the one I had kicked--and rushed down the alley. The temperature was quite chilly, the chilliest I’ve ever experienced in all the years I’ve lived in New York. I was gasping for breath and I could just feel the air in my lungs turning to icicles. I had to shake these things off some how. I wished that I had the nimbleness of a goat or the agility of a cat at the moment. Unfortunately, I was like a human. So I continued to run.
I saw a street up ahead and a taxi drove by. If I could hail a taxi, I could possibly get away. Pedro was probably worried I got caught by Misfit killers again. I wouldn’t be surprised if he came looking for me. It was times like that when he was the older brother.
I felt something wrap around my legs and I fell. I flung my arms out instinctively and winced as a sharp pain flew up through my broken wrist. I twisted around and stared up at one of those hooded freaks. Damn Morphers from Argmar.
“Looks like we caught it Ashmar,” he cackled.
The other strolled up, hands in pockets. “About time too. This cold weather is chilling my bones. I hate this blasted world.” He stared down at me and I heard the snake flicking sounds. “Well Warf, get on with it.”
The one holding me, Warf, grasped the front of my coat and gave me a good shake. “Where is that Staff?” he demanded.
“I’m not gonna tell you,” I snapped. “And Pedro ain’t either, so give it all up!”
Ashmar gave out a growl and looked around. “Okay, where do we find your brother? He’ll surely tell us if we threaten to kill you.”
“Like hell I’ll tell you!”
“Antonio!” called a voice. Oh no. It was Pedro. He actually came looking for me, the little fool. “Antonio are you down there?”
I tilted my head upwards and I saw his slender figure at the mouth of the entrance. “Run Pedro!” I shouted.
“Why?” Warf made an aggrieved sound at the same moment I rolled my eyes in exasperation. If someone tells you to run, you run. Don’t question it.
Ashmar bent over and grabbed me by the throat. He picked me up like it was nothing and held me up into the air. I was a tall person; at least six foot three. Seriously, there was no possible way for this guy to lift me up by my throat. But what ever way he did it, it really hurt. My throat tightened and a prickly feeling came every time I tried to breath or speak.
“Antonio!” I saw him start down the alley.
“No Pedro!” I choked. “Run you fool!”
He paused in his tracks and stared at me. “Surrender or we’ll kill him,” Ashmar said, tightening his hold on my throat. I gave out a cough and dug my short fingernails into his large hand.
“R-Run Pedro!” I ordered. I was feeling faint and I was seeing black spots. What the hell was going on?
“Antonio!” He had a confused look on his face, as if he had no idea what to do.
“All we want is the Staff of Grimbow. Give it to us and you’ll both live,” Warf said.
“Th-They’re lying Pedro! They’re g-g-going to k-ki---” Ashmar tightened his grip with a violent squeeze. I tried to kick my legs and pry his hand off, but I felt so weak. He released me and I hit the ground, the last thing I heard was Pedro shouting my name.[/quote]

Hello! It’s great to be able to read more on this again, I remembered it all too! Sorry it took me a while to review, it’s quite long as well so sorry about the over load of nitpicks

Those two were stuck to each other like Siamese twins.

As you have only just mentioned Gabrielle and not Pedro, It's not clear who 'those two' are. I'd maybe change it to specify, like 'Her and Pedro'

I went to the hospital the next morning and the doctor said it was only a minor fraction. She put it into a cast and sent me on my way. Quinn, when I went to work

I'd change at least one of the 'went' here or both maybe 'visited' would work well for the first one or something like 'arrived' for the second?

Everything was fine.

I think you could maybe put 'was' into italics here to show the emphasis

today was no exception. I had only bought a few snacks for tonight

You switch to present tense here when before you were talking in past tense, so maybe 'today' would be better as 'that day' and 'tonight' as 'that night' or something like that.

I was reading an interesting article on global warming when I literally bumped into someone.

You have already said that he bumped into someone, so I'd maybe change either the previous one to something like ‘met’ or change it here to say something about walking into someone.

“You didn’t call.” She held it out to me.

I think you could add a bit how she said this, she seems kind of happy but this is a delicate topic so maybe her voice changes slightly or she fixes her eyes on him awaiting an answer.

She pushed a loose piece of brown hair behind her ear.

I think you could use a better word than ‘pushed’ here to describe the action, maybe ‘brushed’ or ‘swept’?

I took a step backwards, rolling the magazine up

You say he stepped around her so I was kind of thinking of him beside her at this point wanting to walk past her. I’m just thinking that maybe backwards is not the best direction to go in, perhaps shuffling a bit further round or something like that would be more likely?

But I always came home with numbers from numerous girls every time.

I’d leave out either the ‘always’ or the ‘every’ as you only need one

I only hope she could laugh at this situation.

As it’s past tense I think ’hope’ should be ’hoped’.

I looked around me as if it would find a suitable lie

I understand what you mean but I think you could phrase it a bit better, maybe something like ‘I looked around me as if hoping to find a suitable lie’.

A downhearted expression crossed her face. But then a sly grin stole over her face.

I’d maybe change this a bit so you are not repeating ‘her face’. For example, ‘but then a sly grin swiftly took it’s place’?

She had to be the most persistent woman I ever met.

I think you need ‘had’ before ‘ever’ here

“Close that mouth of yours, unless you do want flies to go in,”

Instead of just ‘go in’ I’d maybe change it to say something about swallowing flies but that’s just my preference

Red chewed on the toothpick as he continued to stare

He has just taken the toothpick out of his mouth so I’d maybe mention about putting it back in.

He gave out a heavy sigh and removed himself from the wall.

‘removed himself’ sounded a bit odd to me here, maybe you could say something about him pushing himself into a standing position?

I stared at him. I lifted my lips in a disgusted grimace.

I think it might be better here to join the two sentences, so something like ‘I stared at him, lifting my lips in a disgusted grimace’ or ‘I stared at him, grimacing in disgust.’

So you can explain everything to me and explain why you’re telling me.”

I think this sentence came across a bit awkwardly, I’d maybe rearrange it a little so that you are not repeating explain. For instance ‘So you can explain everything, including why you’re helping me.’

turning her head away in disgust

You have used disgust a couple of times before this so I’d maybe change it here, perhaps ‘disapproval’ or you could describe a bit more how she looked, for instance saying she turned her head away and wrinkled her nose.

Mary Jane would think I’m some disrespectful slob.

I think ‘I’m’ should be ‘I was’ here so you are not switching tenses

She usually had her hair up in a pony.

‘Pony’ on it’s own sounded a bit strange to me, although that could just be my opinion I’d maybe add ’tail’.

“Gabbie, what are you doing?”

I’d take this out of italics as it looked kind of out of place.

But then something happened and it was not normal. Gabrielle’s body began to shiver and wave.

The first sentence sounded kind of awkward to me, I’d change it a bit perhaps cutting it down. For example ‘But then something extraordinary happened.’

to be replaced by a man around my height and he had a big nose.

‘with a big nose’ might run smoother here and ‘and he had a big nose’.

I turned around but saw another figure walk up behind me.

It wouldn’t be behind him now as he has turned to face them So maybe walking towards him or something like that?

I was relieved. It wasn’t Gabrielle. Relief washed over me.

I’m not sure about using ‘relieved’ and ‘relief’ so close to one another, maybe ‘relief’ could be something like ‘gratitude’.

and saw that they had hoods on now. I hope they weren’t shifting into their original state. Whatever it was.

I think ‘hope’ should be ‘hoped’ to stay in past tense and maybe you could join the last two sentences with a dash? ‘had hoods on now’ could sound better as ‘had their hoods up now’ too

I caught my balance and as I was straightening up, a hand caught the collar of my coat.

I’d maybe change one of the ‘caught’ here, the second one could be something like ‘grabbed’.

He transferred all his powers into his staff and took his life.

‘and took his life’ sounded kind of tagged on the end because of ’and’ when it is more of a big thing. Maybe by using ‘before’ or ‘then’ it would stand out more?

Also, the Staff made the wielder immortal and powerful--as long as it wasn’t misused. To me--a person who loves to read--the whole story quite clichéd.

I’m not sure about the use of ‘Also’, maybe you could change it a bit to relate to why so many people wanted it. Like ‘But the staff was sorely wanted for it made the wielder immortal and powerful’ I think you might need ’seemed’ or ’was’ after ’story’ too.

I assume now, that the story was still popular in Argmar.

Switching tenses so ‘I assume now’ might be better as ‘I assumed then’ .

The air left my lungs in a big whoosh, leaving me completely breathless

I’d maybe change ‘left’ or ‘leaving’ so they are not so close to one another

His head was hooded, but I heard something like a snake flicking its tongue come from inside the hood.

To save from saying ‘hood’ so soon after ‘hooded’ maybe you could just leave it as ‘but I could still hear something like a snake flicking it’s tongue.’

They had said nothing. Nobody said nothing. Or were we too naïve to realize it? Yet, I felt quite sceptical at the thought.

Instead of ‘we’ maybe ‘even they’ would work better as I thought you were talking about his parents. I’d maybe leave out ‘Yet,’ as you are not disagreeing with what you have previously said.

Pedro was probably worried I got caught by Misfit killers again.

‘got’ might be better as something like ’had been’.

He actually came looking for me,

‘had come’ might be better than ‘came’ so it is in past tense.

“Why?” Warf made an aggrieved sound

Why would Warf make an aggrieved sound? Wouldn’t he be happy that he is not running? I’d think something like a chuckle would be more at place here.

But what ever way he did it, it really hurt. My throat tightened

You have said ‘throat’ quite a bit, so maybe something about his airways narrowing or his neck would be good instead.

What the hell was going on?

I thought this was kind of a silly thing for him to ask as surely he knows what’s going on- he is losing consciousness. Maybe a different question like about why wouldn’t Pedro leave or something would be more appropriate.

Overall: I’m really glad you posted the next part I still love this story despite the break!

I don’t think you have done too badly on description, I can see a couple of areas that could be added to but not much really! Just when Ant is talking to Mary Jane, I didn’t get much of a sense at first of how she felt when she said he didn’t call, is she upset by this? I know she is positive but maybe a narrowing of the eyes or something would show how she was upset by it. I also think you could describe how she walks away, like when Ant is watching her how she moves and looks (perhaps flicking her hair behind her or something). They are not completely necessary though it’s just little details could be added I tend to go over the top sometimes with description so I’m the opposite to you! I think if you wanted to show the reader how people appear and how they are acting you can do it quite easily through using the right word choices.

So instead of saying that ‘I went to the shop. I was in a hurry and breathing fast through effort.’ (I’m not saying you write like that, it’s an awful example sorry). You could shorten it all down to something like ‘I hurried to the shop, panting heavily.’ That gets all the information in Basically just changing words that could mean anything (like got, went, put, walked etc…) to ones that show how the act is performed can add in sneaky bits of description without having to list and describe afterwards. I think you generally do pretty good in that and there are barely any places where it could be altered.

I noticed you switched from past to present a few times, I pointed it out where I noticed but I’d take care with that in future I also pointed out where words had been used often close to one another (one of those things I am extremely picky about) so I’d make sure to vary some of the words you use.

I think you did well in giving pieces of information, for instance on Gabrielle and on the staff, but it did sometimes come across a bit stilted. Maybe you could add a sentence or something that more relates it to his thoughts and feelings so it comes across more personally and as if he were contemplating it at the time. Like when he is talking about Gabrielle he could say how he feels about her mother stopping her from becoming a cartoonist or how it was sad that she ended up just working in a shop when she has so much talent.

I also hadn't really been under the impression of Ant being very popular with all the girls before, maybe you could explain a bit more on that? As here it sounds like he gets loads of pretty girls phone numbers, perhaps you could extend upon how frustrating it is for him to not be able to get involved with them because of his animal parts.

Well I thought this was done brilliantly, the cliff hanger has totally left me wanting more I loved the inclusion of Mary Jane and also how Red is becoming more involved, great work! All my comments are just suggestions, hope I‘ve helped! *star*