It was short...didn't totally rhyme properly but it was okay. I didn't really get what you meant by after you write on the face of the paper it becomes the spirit's closed door...now come to think of it, that is very nice but just not a nice way to put it. So, I guess the meaning of the poem is pretty good--the length is good but the poem itself needs to be revamped. I would do it, but I would have to change everything and it's your poem so I'd basically just be taking your thoughts.
Hmm... yes, this twas a bit odd....
Yet....
Yeah, I totally believe that whenever I begin to write the thing I'm writing on is the thing that I'm murdering Sorry, I think I'm sick as well... School is dull...
I love that opening line! It's to true. I can't stand a blank piece of paper. It looks so empty and alone and... worthless really... but it has so much potential...
But this was really short and I would have liked for it to continue on for a while.
The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. ~William Shakespeare, Othello Boo. SPEW is watching.
I agree, I can't stand blank pages. I see one, and I have to put something on it.
Chevy, I meant that when a paper is just left there and nothing is written on it it becomes the spirit's closed door. That was pretty clear I believe.
Black Rose, you're not sick. Just different. And different is beautiful, because if everything was the same, what would it take after? Would it be beautiful or ugly? Different is awesome.
Yeah, i know the rhymes don't contribute much, but I know what you mean though. I just thought it was a nice way of remembering it.
Filled pages are worse because then you think, "Oh gosh, I can't possibly change that." Most likely, that needs to be changed, but no...
*shakes head*
Get rid of the rhyming scheme.
And please! No purple. Please. My eyes are hurting me...
Last edited by Snoink on Thu Sep 29, 2005 3:18 am, edited 1 time in total.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.
"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach
I'm always terrified to start writing on a blank page. I think I'll ruin it. I think what I have to say is probably better left unsaid and the potential of the blank is more beautiful than my pen's commitment.
About the poem:
I'd rework the title. "Writer''s Belief", maybe, would have better syntax,
A blank page is tortured; (great word choice)
Because when it hasn't been graced (You could leave off ";", "because" and end this as a sentence)
By placing a word on its face (Awkward)
It becomes nothing more (How does it "become" when it maintains its original state?)
Than the spirit's closed door. (Lovely)
