The princess girl

Two pony tails decorate her hair.
Each with a dozen curls .No more , no less.
They Overlap her milky cream cheeks, but can not cover her many freckles.
Her hazel eyes close as a tear tenderly falls.
Crystallizing as it caresses one of her fingers.
Her gentle lips bite down hard.

She wears a blue princess dress.
Accompanied by Glass slippers which curl with her small feet.
In one hand she wears a glove
in the other she keeps a cross.

Her eyes open and she looks into a mirror.
Before her reflects a girl.
A pony tail decorates her hair.
With a dozen curls .No more , no less .
They rest on her pale cheeks,covering her freckles.
Her hazel eyes open as a tear falls , melting on one of her fingers.
Her crimson lips bite down the blood.

She wears A blue wedding dress.
Accompanied by Glass slippers which curl with her feet.
In one hand she wears a glove.
In the other she keeps a knife.

~Wendy~

I don't understand much about poetry so this is my opinion as a reader.
It was good. I kept getting chills as I read. You were right to post that here, in my opinion. It really was good- I liked it. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work! If you need anything, don't hesitate to PM me.
ofir

Hello! XYZinnia here!

Welcome to YWS! I saw where you posted you wanted reviews for this, so here I am!

First of all, you should put this in the Poetry category, (Narrative, maybe?) Because this is a poem, not a story.

Anyway, on to the Nit-Picks!.

Each with a dozen curls. no more, no less.

I just moved around the punctuation. Also, “no” doesn’t need to be capitalized.

They overlap her milky cream cheeks, but can not cover her many freckles.

This reads more like a story than a poem. So I think I would make this two lines. Oh, and “overlap” doesn’t need to be capitalized. I capitalize all the time, too. (I Would Talk Like This If I Could. )

Crystallizing as it caresses one of her fingers.

Hmm, I don’t think that tears crystallize that fast. I think you should replace that word.

She wears a blue princess dress.

People may not understand what a “princess” dress is. You may want to change that.

Accompanied by glass slippers which curl with her small feet.

I think I would change “which” to “that”. (Maybe even get rid of “with” or “small”.)

In one hand she wears a glove

I would either change “In” with “On” or “wears” with “holds”.

In the other she keeps a cross.

Nice.

A ponytail decorates her hair.

I thought she had two ponytails? (No space.)

They rest on her pale cheeks, covering her freckles.

I thought that her hair “can not cover her many freckles”.

She wears a blue wedding dress.

“A” doesn’t need to be capitalized.

In the other she keeps a knife.

Oh, lovely ending! But what happen to the cross?



I loved the story this poem tells. You can tell a lot, even though you don’t say much. Overall, I thought it was very nice. I look forward to seeing more of you work!

So long!
-Y

Hi. I'm Forever Threnody, okay, let's start with your review.

I love blue princess dresses!

Oooh a knife... ooh... scary.

Peace, Love and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody

Pretty much everything XYZinnia said in her review is correct except for one small mistake I want to point out:

Each with a dozen curls. no more, no less.

I just moved around the punctuation. Also, “no” doesn’t need to be capitalized.

"No" actually should be capitalized, as it begins a new sentence.