Little Macey

Honestly, I was pooping myself - it was that scary! It was so mysterious that I want to know what happens next. I especially liked the part about the door, it sounds like what I write. You should definitely continue. Who took Macey?!

I really liked this one. The only thing that bothered me was the first paragraph, or the second and last sentence. Other than that, I think your work was well done. Nice Job!!

Okay, this was just creepy. You did an excellent job with the emotion in this story and your main character was superb. The way you showed her thoughts seemed really realistic.

This isn't really a review, I know, but I think everyone else already pointed out your grammar mistakes. All I have to say is that I love it! You probably shouldn't continue it, though, just because the ending was perfect and the reader is able to decide what happened. Was the creature her imagination? Is it evil or good?

That was excellently written! I had a very good sense of what the setting was, and it was positively creepy! It's like what every little kid is scared of: that monster hiding in the closet.

Macey hugged her knees tighter to her. She knew Mama would be calling to her for dinner. If Mama called to her for dinner then they would know she hid in the room. Then they would get her. Poor Mama would still be calling for dinner when Macey was no longer there.

This sent a chill down my back. Really, really well done! You should definitely write more, you can't just leave it as a cliffhanger like that!

They would know that she knew about them if she did. Then They would come for her. And once They got her, poor, little Macey would have wished she’d kept quiet.

It was these sentences. The only thing I found that bothers me is you said "they" too much and adding "them" in the sentences sounds like "them-they" is all your saying. That was it. ^.^ Don't be mad, if I sound harsh, I'm just saying... You don't have to change it if it's just my opinion.

& Love the story, it was scary and exciting!

Honestly, this was wonderful! It was a little frightening, though, because of the repellent-looking man in the closet, but I enjoyed it, and yes I do think you should continue it! I really thought it was great how you put the final tock[i][/i]at the end of your story. I love how you described the man, too. It was genius.

Wow. That was scary.

I think the build up was pretty well-done--but the build up itself wasn't scary to me, really. I think the ending with the description of the monster that got to me the most. I didn't expect it to look that scary or grotesque, and it sent chills down my spine.

I'm not sure how you could have made the build-up more scary, though, if you had wanted to. I'm afraid it's beyond my abilities to help you with that. But as it is, it's pretty freaking good.

EDIT: It's good as a stand alone story, but a continuation wouldn't be bad either. I'm not sure what you would aim for with a continuation, though. I think the mystery of the man behind the door makes it far more scary, so a continuation would be best if it maintained that mystery for as long as possible.

That's pretty creepy but i like it .

Just something i noticed is the repetition of a few things like grey in

A grey hand, with crinkled, old fingernails – like Mama’s wrapping paper for food – clutched at the opening door. A face peered out. A wrinkled, grey face.

I'm unsure if this is intention as it could be due to your narrators age but seemed to clog things a little. If its intention then sorry for bringing it up.
Just something to keep in mind.

Anyway nicely done on keeping the narrator seeming so young. I find that particularly hard to do myself either under or over shooting it so Good Work.

I really like this story...U\You did an amazaing job.
The emotions are well described and the way you kept the suspense all along was fantastic.
*_* ^_^

Oh wow. Wow, wow. That was fantastic. You seem to have a gift in being able to portray scenes from the point of view of young children - the juvenile voice you adopted was incredibly interesting. I absolutely adored your "tick, tock, tick, tock" as it added greatly to the suspense of the piece. I felt like I was Macey, not just an outsider reading her story. Your mentioning of Mean Tom was great too - it kind of reminded me of Breakfast at Tiffany's where Holly Golightly talks of the "mean reds". The repetition of "Macey knew" was highly effective in bringing back that feeling of her frightened state. Did you by any chance find this idea from Henry James' novel "What Maisie Knew"?

And as for your question - honestly, I think that you should just keep it as a short story. If you continued, the freshness and novelty of the language and idea might wear off. Anyway, amazing story and well done!