Fade Away

Fade Away



You just had to do it

You couldn't stop

You had to cause his body to drop

The last thing you heard was a muffled thud

Now he's laying in a pool of blood

You just had to make him take his own life

Thats another fate decided by the knife

It's all your fault, theres nowhere to run

It's already over, the deed has been done

Now that the life has been taken away

All the soul has to do is fade away

Gosh, I wonder if this stuff came out of my mind when I was thirteen.

Suicides are very typical to write about. Especially when you're just starting out and you have discovered yet, that there are so many more topics to create poetry out of than someone trying to kill themself.

I'm not going to critique the style of this poem, because I keep having to remind myself that there are different forms of poetry and not everyone wants to write the way I like.

So great poem I guess, I would do a little editing myself but heck, it is your poem. Maybe someday down the road you'll play with it.

I'm diggin' this--I like the rhyming that goes along with the very morbid topic, kinda creepiness.

I also like the pacing, it doesn't falter or skip anywhere, which is awesome--it keeps nice and constant, making for an easy read.

yay!

My one comment - it should be "the deed has been done" instead of "the deed had been done."

Other than that, this is pretty good. I won't go into the subject, because that's controversial. But nicely done.

I'm just not diggin' it man. I mean, it was just a'ight for me, you know?[/celebrity impersonation]

Anyway, I have to agree with Chevy that suicide is overdone in poetry. I don't usually read poems for this very reason, that they tend to be depressing. I don't like being depressed. So... yeah.

Well thank you for the compliments. If you don't like it because it's not your style oh well. All my poems are creepy like that. I don't like writing happy poems.


And also I didn't make this poem about suicide because I'm just starting out and its the easiest thing to write about, I choose to write about things like this because I cant stand poetry thats always happy and everythings always bright like that because life isn't like that. I write about stuff like this because this is my style and I mostly write about things that happen in my life and my own experiences.

Thats another fate decided by the knife[quote]

This is a clever line. i prefer poems that relate to real life, because people are more able to understand and also feel the poem. i tought the pace was also good in the poem. [/quote]

Thank you!

Thank you!

Oops, double-posted. Sorry.