This I believe...

I believe in pushing myself. I believe that what I set my mind to, I can do. Believing in myself got me everything in life that I could want for from myself.

When I made the softball team for the recreational team in grade school, I showed up for every single practice. Every time we had suicides I would race to be the fastest, and pretend that I wasn’t tired when it was all over, even though I was. In the end, pushing myself in softball paid off. I made the middle school team, and started in every game, at the end of the year, I got Most Dedicated and Most Valuable Player and I was so proud of myself.

This has been the scenario for all the team sports that I have played, from softball, to volleyball, and from basketball to cheerleading. In fact, to this day I have never missed a practice or game. This also applies to school…and life. I want to be the greatest at everything I do, and when I apply myself, most of the time, I am. Others mistake my attitude with arrogance and conceit, but I don’t see it this way. The only thing is that I push myself, I work hard, and I have self confidence.

Right now, my wrist is injured, and my knee hurts, but you can find me out on the tumbling floor, wearing my braces, and working hard. Sometimes I practice until I see little black dots and sway on my feet. I’m dedicated and give everything my all. When I want something, I push myself, like I did when I was younger, trying to get that cookie out of the jar and coming up with every idea possible to attain it. My teammates think I’m too serious about my sports, but not really, I can never be serious enough when I’m trying to meet my goals.

Pushing myself is the one thing about me that everyone can depend on, when I say that I am going to do something, they know that I am going to do my best and give it everything that I got. I believe in improving myself and working hard to do it.

Hi!

Believing in myself got me everything in life that I could want for from myself.

I would reword this so that you don't repeat 'myself' here.

from softball, to volleyball, and from basketball to cheerleading.

Is there any special reason why you split them up like this (softball and volleyball, and then basketball and cheerleading)? If not you could write 'from softball to volleyball to basketball to cheerleading' which I think sounds a bit better.

My teammates think I’m too serious about my sports, but [s]not really,[/s] I can never be serious enough when I’m trying to meet my goals.

The 'not really' takes away from the semi-formal tone of this piece and is not really (haha) necessary.

Pushing myself is the one thing about me that everyone can depend on, when I say that I am going to do something, they know that I am going to do my best and give it everything that I got.

This sentence is very long and I think it would be smoother if you were to break it up, like: ...everyone can depend on. When I say that I am...

Overall, this was a very nice little piece. It sounds like a school assignment, actually, is it? I like how it's worded fairly simply, as tons of big words can detract from something, and through the plain language I can kind of feel a passionate athleticness coming through, if that makes sense. It's good, just needs to be looked over again.

-Mars

It is actually my final exam essay for school

The message in this is strongly put across. You clearly display your mindset, and how your work ethic has paid off for you. Readers may relate more if you were to describe what initially inspired you to be so dedicated, but, either way your examples are well-placed.

The biggest thing I would change is the last sentence.
"I believe in improving myself and working hard to do it."
It seems like it was just dropped in, and also (for me) breaks the flow of the essay abruptly and awkwardly.
Other than that, it's well-written, straight forward and does not digress from it's main point. Good job!

Hi!
I seriously wish i had that kind of attitude. The way you have expressed your mindset is really superb!

The 'go-getter' kind of attitude is well-shown in this piece.

I agree with the above comment though. You may mention about your inspiration.

But overall a nice essay.

Keep writing!

Ha, this is kind of odd, I just had to write one for my English final too. Are you thinking of submitting to NPR?

Anyway,

I believe in pushing myself. I believe that what I set my mind to, I can do accomplish. Believing in myself got has brought me everything in life that I could want for from delete myself.

When I made the softball team for the recreational team in grade school, I showed up for every single delete practice. EveryEach time we had suicides I would race to be the fastest, and pretend that I wasn’t tired when it was all over, even delete though I was. In the end, pushing myself in softball paid off. I made the middle school team, and started in every game, at the end of the year, I got recieved Most Dedicated and Most Valuable Player and I was so proud of myself.

I want to be the greatest best at everything I do, and when I apply myself, most of the time, I am. Others mistake my attitude with for arrogance and conceit, but I don’t see it this that way. The only thing is that delete I push myself, I work hard, and I have self confidence.

My teammates think I’m too serious about my sports delete , but not really, I can never be serious enough when I’m trying to meet my goals.

This was good! I admire your determination...I can never seem to find the desire to work hard on things I don't particularly like.

I'm not sure if it's acceptable with your teacher to have contractions...but they seemed appropriate to me for this piece, so I didn't mark them.

You should definitely try to submit this!

"When I made the softball team for the recreational team..." - I don't know how you should re-word this...maybe, "When I made the recreational softball team..." ....any way to get rid of one of the "team"s.

Also...

"This has been the scenario for all the team sports that I have played, from softball, to volleyball, and from basketball to cheerleading."

I think just the comma after "softball" can go.




I don't know what to say other than that. This has (for lack of a better term...) MOXIE. I loved how you got to the point and didn't really use cliches. I enjoyed reading it, and honestly, I wish I had that kind of drive. :]