Accidentaly Famous Chapter 2 (part one)

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Hey Erica =]

Thanks for the PM!

I'm glad that you're continuing with this story

So, I'll try to review this for ya'

which included the rest of the detail including the fact that we had a group meeting the next weekend for all teens going on the trip. - You use 'include' twice within seven words, so I'd maybe rearrange the start of it to something like; '...which detailed the rest of the information, including the fact that we had...'

The best part was when I came in I saw Cecilia surrounded by a group of guys - 'The best part was when I came in and saw Cecilia surrounded by a group of guys.' - Just a suggestion

AT one - 'At once'

she was telling what to - I'd add in 'us' after 'telling'

to mini - 'to' should be 'too'

cloths that - 'cloths' should be 'clothes'

barley - 'barley' should be 'barely'

to slow - 'too slowly'

barley even - 'barely'

The Monday before we parted we drove out to Chicago early - I'd add in a comma after 'parted'

When we weren’t shopping we were hanging out at Lincoln Park or at the zoo. - Comma after 'shopping'

is always - 'is' should be 'it'

Its Jhonee’s - 'Its' should be 'It's'

threw the - 'through the'

Then we waited until her plane took off until her parents drove me home. - 'We waited until her plane took off and then her parents drove me home.'

When it came to my flight departure my mom - Comma after 'departure'

“Oh baby I’m so proud of you.” - Comma after 'baby'

Yes my mom is one of those moms who make a big deal - Comma after 'Yes'

there always - 'they're always'

cloths. - 'clothes'

withought me, - 'without'

my mom - 'My mom'

and start to walk - I'd add in 'I' after 'and'

I turn around wave, smile, and - Comma after 'around'

I pod - iPod

Overall;

I think you need to add in more description on the surroundings in some places. Also, I still don't feel that I know that much about your MC and she doesn't show that much emotion. With more emotion, she'll seem more real.

You tend to switch tenses quite a lot throughout the piece and it makes it a little hard o follow what's going on. Like here for example; Though most teens wouldn’t admit it, I know I’m going to miss my parents.

--This sentence should either be;

'Though most teens wouldn't admit it, I knew I was going to miss my parents.'
or
'Though most teens won't admit it, I know I'm going to miss my parents.'

I'm not that great at explaining things so I'd suggest checking out the resourses thread to see if there are any articles of tenses

I'd also like to see you adding more directions to the dialogue. Adding in how things are said gives the words more meaning. E.g;

“Don’t worry about her. Trust me; she won’t be able to run this trip for you.” - You could add something along the lines of, 'Jhonee smiled reassuringly, placing her arm around my shoulders.' Not only does it give a direction to the sentence, but it adds in a little about the friendship between your MC and her best friend, too.

The whole review is just my point of view and you don't have to take any of it into consideration if you don't want to

I hope I've been of some help to you!

PM me again if you ever need another review

xDudettex