Chessmate

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AN: So, this is a really, horribly lame thing that I scratched together yesterday during Short Story Tuesday, based on smaur's prompt. I don't play chess, so it was ridiculously hard thinking up anything based on what she gave us. But, anyway, it was awesome. The story just sucks, but here it is. =P (Also, help me tear this apart, because I didn't edit, and probably has typos and faulty coordination and bad grammar)




It was merely a game. Nothing more, nothing less. Learning how to maneuver the board was the hardest part, but once that was mastered, everything else was a matter of timing and accuracy.

Chess mates would stare me dead in the eye as I reached for a piece, mapping courses in my head-- I would stare right back, never once glancing at the square I aimed for. I always made it-- yes, I knew I always would. I had the files and ranks mapped out in my head, imprinted clearer than my own name. I was near unbeatable-- only the best could outdo me and many times, they would resign, give up before checkmate was called. It was pathetic.

I had nothing else, though; everything I've known was just thousands of loose ribbons, dancing in the winds of time, nothing that I could ever dream of relating back to. It was useless, a series of events that tied into nothing beneficial that I could reflect upon later on in life. My only outlet was the chessboard.

The rooks taught me how to think. Taught me how to watch for the slightest indication of movement and plot out my next move, along with alternative ways out in case a last minute change was made. It was either up, down or left, right, but they were never wrong. They were the strong who inhabited the sides of streets, buildings and alleyways-- it was never clear if they were homeless or not, but their true home was the street, helping people like myself who too often got caught in the noose of trouble. The moment a stranger appeared, it was time to move on. Act calm and get away as quickly and inconspicuously as you could.

The pawns were near worthless, scattered everywhere, on the board of life, only to be used when we wouldn't play off a larger piece of ours, and become more important when we needed them again. We weren't stupid, we just needed someone to use, to leech off of, and pawns were always the easiest target. They weren't stupid, only shallow, helping us when we needed for only one thing in return. Money.

The bishops were movement. When the going got rough and there were no alleyways, no rooks to turn to, the bishops were our last resort. Content people, they, with a certain harsh demeanor that demanded utmost respect. They represented everything about chess; sly, slow movements followed by a loud slam on the board when the final decision was made. Diagonals, ways out of situations that had no front or back doors, no corridors leading away. There was always that final escape whenever the bishop was in my hand.

The knights were unmoving. Slow people, always willing to help us, but always holding time up, saying, "We've got time, we've got time." Their hospitality was cherished, respected, often willing us to sleep for a night. Troubled sleeps those were; greyhounds on your trail don't amount to much peace. They moved us along, but never with the determination of the rook, or the ferocity of a bishop. It was always a subconscious movement at the dry point on a game, just before the momentum picked up and the duel reached its maximum pace.

I worshiped the kings, in their own, closed-in square of perfect movements, never too far, never too close. Perfect, one-steps, planned out clearly. An inquiry for directions required a price; sometimes a dangerous, life-and-freedom threatening job, other times an interrogation. They moved us forward, propelled us, but they seldom moved from their territory, a secretive, unknown place although it was exposed in the open.

I worshiped the kings, but I gave my heart to the queens. They ruled the boards, free to move in any direction. They knew more than the rooks and bishops combined, and their skill with time and accuracy was unbelievably clever. No matter how desperate we were, how close the law enforcers followed behind, we always found a moment to sit back and admire them with awe. It was always when I had the chance, the moment where the queen was in my palm, I could move her across the board without a thought and declare checkmate before my opponent could blink.
"I'd steal somebody's purse if I could google it and then download it." -- Firestarter




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Hiya June.

To attack this. :P

Philosophy: Hmm, interesting little bit here. I liked just about everything except one that I didn't quiet get:

The Rooks: This one wasn't so much I didn't like as I didn't understand. You seemed to be missing an analogy about being street-smart, in my opinion.

I was about to mention the knights, but it's more that I don't really agree. I consider the knights to have more options, because they can move aside at the last minute. But that's probably just me. (Still, I'd consider backing that argument up a bit more)

At the beginning, there was the mention that the MC only had chess in his/her life. I'd like to see a bit more of that later on, or alter the wording of that paragraph so it sounds more like she learned about her life from chess.

Tense/POV: The use of "we" here was a bit strange, considering that chess pieces are inanimate objects. :P To fix that, I'd spend a bit more time putting personalities into these chess pieces, especially at the beginning.

Overall: June, you must have lived on Google for this thing. xD Nothing is off about the way chess works, it's just the MC associations that are a bit fuzzy. Nice work!

Questions? Drop me a line.

~Rosey
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo

Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.




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I do not intend to be rude, but here is my opinion. As a passionate chess player, this is an insulting view of the game. Pawns are NOT worthless and knights are NOT slow. I also didn't get the part about bishops being an escape and the rooks being on the streets. I thought the writing was mediocre and I didn't get the point of it. Was it supposed to entertain, inform, persuade? Sorry, but as a devoted chess player, all the pieces and the board are beautiful to me.

But on the positive side, I enjoy some of your pictures.
When people don't express themselves, they die one piece at a time.




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Juniper! I'm here to shred this for you...:P
Although I wouldn't be nearly as harsh as Music, I have to disagree with some of your opinions about the pieces. So, I would like it if you could back up your argument a little bit more.

Bishops - ...They aren't shy or slow. For one, a bishop can move across the entire board in one move. You make the narrator sound like an extreme chess expert. People who are good at chess tend to checkmate most with the bishop. ^^ So, I would describe them as rather devious; they tend to sneak up and check you whenever you think you're safe...I'm a total chess dork in case you can't tell...:P I liked the way you said that the diagonals they control shows them a way out when none are obvious.

Knights - ...Chess experts checkmate a lot with knights too...:P In fact, your description that tehy are the calm before the showdown bothers me. A LOT. ^^ Sorry about the caps. See, the thing with knights is that you never notice them. However, they are usually the ones that check the king; if anything, I'd say that the knights were the instigators. But, they are nearly always in the end of the game if you're playing against an advanced chess player.

Narration - I've gotta agree with Rosey on this. I would like a little on the narrator at the very end. I'd just like to know a little more about them. I wanna know what happens and how exactly his/her life revolves around chess. I wanna know what makes chess so interesting to them. Is it the logic, is it the strategy, or is it simple pride that they are better than others.

Overall - The whole idea of symbolism through a chessboard is really unique and I enjoyed reading about it. And Juniper, if you think this isn't good, I'm scared to see what you do consider good...:P Congrats on writing a story this well without knowing any chess! It would've been quite impossible for me! **is extremely proud of Juniper**

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Gah, I'm highly annoyed now. I had an in-depth critique prepapred for you and kaput!-
There it goes. *cries*

Anyway, I shall just *sighs* give a brief commentary.
1) Music protested that the pawn was not a worthless piece, and I'd like to elaborate why *is a chess lover herself*
Upon reaching the other end of the board, to the furthest row into enemy territoy without being eaten, the pawn actually gets a promotion! :D
It doesn't get a salary raise though XD
It can be promoted to a knight, bishop, rook and yes, a Queen! ^^
Aside from that, it really does come in handy sometimes to attack and defend.

2) The knights isn't the most popular piece to checkmate the King. Any piece can checkmate the king if they're at the right place at the right time ^^
It takes two hands to clap. Normally, more than one piece plays a part in ending the game. You could need more than one piece to cover all the possible areas that the King could escape, or you could require other pieces to defend the piece(s) that threaten the King to prevent them from being captured.

3) Overall, according to my tastes, this piece felt too modern for a game with such long history. The description reminded me of Bach being described in hip-hop sense XD
However, despite this, I know it isn't easy to fully comprehend the game if you've not played it, so I think your effort was very commendable :D

I was actually planning to write a short piece on chess too, but I've yet to get round to doing that XD
If you've still got any questions on the game,
You know how to contact me ;)

~Have a fantastic day! :D
Meep(:
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Hello, June! You are, along with Rosey, master of all things critique, so deserve lots in return. x] I'll comment as I read through and then conclude at the end.
[P.S. I don't play chess either, so won't really be much help there!]

It was merely a game. Nothing more, nothing less. Woot. A good introduction Learning how to maneuver the board was the hardest part, but once that was mastered, everything else was a matter of timing and accuracy. hmm, I dunno. This last sentence just feels kind of "plonked in there", and a bit dull after the momentum of previous sentences


Chess mates in the title you put these two together? would stare me dead in the eye as I reached for a piece, mapping courses in my head-- I would stare right back, never once glancing at the square I aimed for. I always made it-- [s]yes,[/s] I knew I always would. I had the files and ranks mapped out in my head, imprinted clearer than my own name. I was near unbeatable-- only the best could outdo me and many times, they would resign, give up before checkmate was called. It was pathetic. IMO, would have more impact if you scrapped 'It was'


I had nothing else, though; New sentence everything I've known [s]was[/s] were just thousands of loose ribbons, dancing in the winds of time, To play that sentence to its benefit, I'd have this as a new sentence, personally nothing that I could ever dream of relating back to. It was useless, I feel this comma isn't quite correct. Maybe a hyphen/dash? a series of events that tied into nothing beneficial that repetition of 'that' not too lovely to read ;) I could reflect upon later on in life. My only outlet was the chessboard.


The rooks taught me how to think. Taught me how to watch for the slightest indication of movement and plot out my next move, along with alternative ways out in case a last minute change was made starts off an incomplete sentence. It was either up, down or left, right, but they were never wrong. They were the strong who inhabited the sides of streets, buildings and alleyways-- it was never clear if they were homeless or not, but their true home was the street, helping people like myself who too often got caught in the noose of trouble. The moment a stranger appeared, it was time to move on. Act calm and get away as quickly and inconspicuously as you could. again, incomplete


The pawns were near worthless I agree with music, surely they're not worthless? little pawns make the majority, right?, scattered everywhere, on the board of life I like that: board of life, only to be used when we wouldn't play off a larger piece of ours, and become more important when we needed them again. We weren't stupid, we just needed someone to use, to leech off of, and pawns were always the easiest target. They weren't stupid, only shallow, helping us when we needed for only one thing in return. Money. I'm not sure this personification works too well, June...


The bishops were movement. When the going got rough and there were no alleyways, no rooks to turn to, the bishops were our last resort. Content people, they, with a certain harsh demeanor that demanded utmost respect. They represented everything about chess; hyphen sly, slow movements followed by a loud slam on the board when the final decision was made. Diagonals, ways out of situations that had no front or back doors, no corridors leading away. There was always that final escape whenever the bishop was in my hand.


The knights were unmoving. Slow people, always willing to help us, but always holding time up, saying, "We've got time, we've got time." Their hospitality was cherished, respected, often willing us to sleep for a night. Troubled sleeps those were; greyhounds on your trail don't amount to much peace. They moved us along, but never with the determination of the rook, or the ferocity of a bishop. It was always a subconscious movement at the dry point on a game, just before the momentum picked up and the duel reached its maximum pace.


I worshiped the kings, in their own, closed-in square of perfect movements, never too far, never too close. Perfect, one-steps, planned out clearly. An inquiry for directions required a price; sometimes a dangerous, life-and-freedom threatening job, other times an interrogation. They moved us forward, propelled us, but they seldom moved from their territory, a secretive, unknown place although it was exposed in the open.


I worshiped the kings, but I gave my heart to the queens. They ruled the boards, free to move in any direction. They knew more than the rooks and bishops combined, and their skill with time and accuracy was unbelievably clever. No matter how desperate we were, how close the law enforcers followed behind, we always found a moment to sit back and admire them with awe. It was always when I had the chance, the moment where the queen was in my palm, I could move her across the board without a thought and declare checkmate before my opponent could blink. ending could have had more oompth, I t'ink.


Good narrative voice. I liked some of your turns of phrase. Personification of the pawns and such was a good idea but I'm not sure if you pulled it off all too well. But there was a certain mystery to this that I admired; as if chess-playing is a sort of mystic art.

Lauren 8)



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