My words flow through my hands and into the machine
things that give birth new words like pain,
your timing is off.
Here are the three things i should have said louder,
Like teargas canisters throw into a crowd of sleepy pedestrians
Love
I said it, i felt it, but didn't give enough to fill the void between us
No
It wasn't always okay the way i learned to say i forgive you.
Stay
I should have said it to, you, should have said it to me and stayed with me
None of those things manifested as they should have
and over time they seem to have meant more to me
and withered more for you
You wanted me to learn to be a silhouette with you
but that was long before our sun faded to night
I am sorry I never used immense and complicated words to illustrate the way I felt
but I am a small person with a big heart
and no words left to give
I used them all long before we meet.
I lay out my words like suites in a closest,
straight and pressed trying so hard to fit in,
but what I mean is a crumpled mess in the corner,
my words reek like the jeans you wore too many days in a row,
I want them to sound dirty even if you just pulled to from the wash,
Standing now smoking in the snowy days of march,
watching the surprise in his face as my wrecking ball denigrates your dreams,
not even if confronted by the holy truth could those clouds float again,
it would take a bike pump on loop just to make him stand again,
I don't drink his tears, I don't want his tears, but here they are and they are mine,
Let me say It shouldn't have happened like that, I didn't want it to go so far,
But it did,
I did, didn't I?
oh well turn and see the way the light tries to bleed through,
The way that the time passes at a turtles pace,
the way i didn't say it will be okay.
