killing me softly

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you purposely ignore me, knowing I can't go a day without speaking to you .
you laugh and joke with other people leaving me with nothing to do
I can't just forget it, we both have to face and overcome it.
you know how much you mean to me'
so why are you killing me softly?
"I know i pushed you away'
but the closer you came,
the more I hurt."
and something just kept telling me that it wasn't going to work
the worst thing I could do was give up, yet that's exactly what I did
and for some reason you plan to never let me forget
I can't explain why I feel DEAD possibly
and it's because you're killing me softly
keep safe... love you
Last edited by NishaW76 on Wed May 06, 2009 11:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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Hi there! Welcome to YWS! I'm April. Nice to meet you!

you purposely ignore me knowing i can't go a day without speaking to you .


I think "purposely" should be purposefully. I think it seems to fit the sentence a little better, and make it sound a bit more fluent. Also, there should be a comma between "me" and "knowing". Also, remmber to capitalize those I's!

i can't just forget it ,we both have to face and overcome it.


The comma is good, but the space should be after the comma, not before.

i know you know what you mean to me


I think this sentence would be better off being; "You know how much you mean to me," and yes, please add the comma at the end.

so why are you killing me softly


This is a question, hon, so put a question mark at the end, please!

i know i pushed you away but the closer you came the more i hurt


You need some commas in there. Also, I think that line should be broken up into smaller lines, e.g;
"I know I pushed you away,
but the closer you came,
the more it hurt."

Or, something like that. You definitely need commas in those spots though.

the worst thing i could do was give up and that's exactly what i did


You should have a comma after "give up". I also think you should change "and" to "yet". It seems to better the fluency.

i can't explain how i feel DEAD possibly


I know you wanted to emphasize "dead", but you can just italicize it instead. I also think that you should make that line something a little more like this;
"I can't say why I feel dead"

A bit better?

and it's because your killing me softly
keep safe ...love you


"Your" needs to become "you're". Those are tricky things to spot. Also, the space (before the three dots) should be after (the three dots).

Hope I helped! Wonderful poem, but you need to work on punctuation, fluency, and some wording. Add in some figurative language to spice up the poetry. Personification is also good to use too. I think you just need to spend a little time cleaning it up, and adding in some flavor.

Write on! ~April
Have a peanut =)

Try your hand at my poetry contest!

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