Nocturne

Her fingers rest upon those demon keys:
Black and White entwine in death’s embrace.
She feels the pulse of power as she frees
them from the wood in which they are encased.

Her audience is none but empty rooms,
not filled with God, but a lack thereof.
Reminiscent of those empty tombs,
her melody fills every crack and cove.

These devil chords ring somber, cold, and clear,
their maker nodding in approval earned.
Crescendos show the world its darkest fears;
the final notes are lessons never learned.

The pianist knows these creatures far too well
and shuts again the gates of her own hell.

Hi Crysi. I'm Kat, I don't believe we have met. Anyway, I'm sorry I can't give you a good and helpful review: I could only find one nit-pick.

Her audience is none but empty rooms,
Not filled with God, but a lack thereof.

Don't capitalize the 'not'.

It's great! One of the best I have seen here on YWS.
Great job!

*Kat*

Oops! Good eye. Word really likes to capitalize new lines. >.<

And thank you! I've seen you around, but I don't think we've formally met. So, hi!

This poem was written both for extra credit in my English class (writing a Shakespearean sonnet) and as a tribute to one of my dearest friends. So the compliment really does mean a lot.

I loved this It was fantastic!!!!!
The one thing that I can add is that I would have like to see some pull of the fingers that dance on the keys, other than that it was great!!!

Her fingers rest upon those demon keys:
Black and White entwine in death’s embrace.

Everywhere else you're very consistent with your capitalization, but here "Black" needs to begin lower-cased, as is grammatically correct after a colon.

not filled with God, but a lack thereof.

I think "but with a lack thereof" would be better--otherwise the syllables and rhythm don't quite come out right.

Crescendos show the world its darkest fears;
the final notes are lessons never learned.

My favorite part--a very good, strong note to (almost) end on.


Anyone who can pull off even a half-decent sonnet gets props from me! (and yours is far better than "half-decent") Good job, keep working at it, and watch your syllables a bit! There are places where you dip into 9 when you should have 10, but since the rhythm works for most of those, I only mentioned the one. I can't actually explain the whole "iambic pentameter" thing and I can't consciously recognized "stressed" and "unstressed," but to me, this looks pretty darn correct. Great job.