Confession

There is a tear in the page,
dear one; holy lines torn
in half make amends
only half the time.

(The Light may shine
through soulless shadows,
but what of charred lines
on deserting hearts?)

Hey Crysi. I'm Eimear. I don't think we've met before.

Allow me to take a look at your poem.

What I liked about it was that it took me more than one read to understand it. At first I just thought it was one of those superficial poems- the ones that use ancient and holy language for show and don't really have any substance in it. On another read, I (think) I got the message a little clearer. The poem is about a confession of hurt...? Am I right? Hurt that although a person wants to be resolved, it can't be healed?

There is a tear in the page,

dear one;

Assuming the 'page' is a metaphor, I think it's a very good one. A great one, in fact. Nice job. I'm really hoping I didn't interpret this wrong.

So the 'light' in the next line is the forgiveness, isn't it? And although the speaker understands the concept of forgiveness in their relationship, they don't see the point. I thought this was a great examination of human emotion. Sometimes we really don't get happy endings with people.

but what of charred lines

on deserting hearts?

Brilliant. Great use of a rhetorical question.

All in all, I'd give this an 8/10. It's very good.

Keep writing, hope this helps.

Good job Crysi.

Hey there!

Some of the imagery is great, but the fact that you have restricted yourself to two quatrains limits the sheer potential of this poem. I can see some of your meaning now that Eimear has offered her own interpretation, but the power of your images is lost in the piece's sheer brevity. If you develop the images and aim for a greater precision in your wording, this could be really quite something special.

Hope this helps!

Gahks



6/10