Life

First ever piece, just wrote it as I was mean to be doing GCSE revision, started writing and this is what I finished up with, feedback very welcome

‘Let’s not forget who we are and what we’re actually here for…’, my grandfather posed to me in his reassuring intelligent tone on a sunny summer afternoon.

I am the fourth generation Francis Charles Goodeston, foolish name I know, but my family has always adhered to tradition in an almost archaic manner: my mother doesn’t work – she never has done and never will. Wearing a tie on the weekend is common practice for my father. Playing tennis in anything other than whites would truly be a travesty for my parents.

I am an alumnus of Oxford.

I am a stout six foot tall: not fat or athletic, just stout.

I am successful and work hard for an awful lot of what I have.

I am relatively young and have my whole life ahead of me.


I am not sure what I’m here for though – I should have asked my grandfather that sunny summer afternoon…

Francis Charles Goodeston, foolish name I know,

Needs a comma right before "I know"


Other than that, grammatically sound. The only suggestion I would make is to put more of a segway between the sunny afternoon and the "I ams". It seems really out of place and jarring if you just go straight into all of these things. Your last line is brilliant. =)

I would re- write the first sentence;

‘Let’s not forget who we are and what we’re actually here for…’, my grandfather posed to me in his reassuring intelligent tone on a sunny summer afternoon.

to something more like this;
"Let's not forget who we are and what we're actually here for," my grandfather posed to ma in his reassuring, intelligent tone; it was a sunny afternoon.

I think that works a little better, if you ask me

my mother doesn’t work – she never has done and never will.

Try changing that to something more like this;
my mother doesn't work; she never has, and never will.

That is more fluent and seems to fit a bit better.

I am an alumnus of Oxford.

I am a stout six foot tall: not fat or athletic, just stout.

I am successful and work hard for an awful lot of what I have.

I am relatively young and have my whole life ahead of me.

I get what you were trying to do, but frankly this seems to drone on. Also, you are telling us and not showing us. That's never really good to do.

I think this piece needs a bit of expansion. I liked it and loved how you started with a quote (that's good to do with non- fiction... and even fiction).

Write on!