Royal Blood {Edited}

I just changed the part about the royals only slightly. I didn't want to take that part out completey. I changed it so that it's a little different from the Underworld thing. I hope this change was good enough.


Xavier downed a fourth glass of champagne at as he simultaneously grabbed a fifth. It wasn’t that he was afraid of the vampires, they just made him uneasy. They way the seemed to glide more than walk, their pupil-less eyes, and white skin just freaked him out. It also freaked him out how others could just mingle with the vampires as if they were natural. If it was his choice he wouldn’t even be at this “Awakening Ball”. His sipped his fifth glass slowly and leaned his back against the wall. He had finally begun to feel a buzz that eased his nerves. He scanned the room putting much effort into keeping himself from grimacing. The pale undead creatures sauntered around the ballroom with unnatural grace and a haughty air. It was another reason why he didn’t like the vampires. They thought themselves so much better than the humans. In their own opinion they were gods. In his opinion they were nothing but tolerated monsters. The humans laughed at what the vamps were saying, fawning over them like the deserved some sort of praise. Xavier rolled his eyes before glancing at his watch. 11:57pm. All he had to do was meet the new “royal” vampire and then he could make an exit without his father giving him shit later.
The Awakening Ball happened only once every century. It was held to celebrate a royal vampire rejoining the world of the living. It was an event more for the vampire community but a few selected humans were invited. Royal vampires were different from regular vampires. They had extra abilities like telepathy, reproduction, they feel the intangible like emotions, fear, and danger, and possessed a supernatural persuasion. Regular vampires were just stronger, faster, with supernatural senses. The regular vampires looked to the royal vampires as a human would their president. In the past all royal vampires were Awake at the same time. They ruled all at once but that caused problems. Too many authority figures warring between the royals ensued. After the murder of one of the Kings they decided something had to be done to restore the peace. A system was put into place. There were four pairs of mated royals all together. They slept until it was their turn to rule again. This rotation was a big to-do for the vampires but to Xavier it was just a waste of time. He could think of a million things he’d rather be doing, than waiting for some monster to wake up after 400 years.
When midnight finally arrived, trumpets sounded and the whole room fell silent and turned toward the staircase the vampire queen would make her grand entrance. Xavier sighed and followed suit. “Presenting Your Majesty Queen Celeste de Silva!” an announcer bellowed. Xavier rolled his eyes yet again. Did the vampires have to so over the top? She wasn’t really royalty. When the “queen” vampire stepped onto the landing at the top of the stairs the room lowered down to kneel. Xavier was a second late. Everyone else had their heads bowed but he didn’t dare take his eyes off her. She was the single most enticing thing he’d seen or could ever imagine. Her skin was standard vampire pale white but that inhuman color didn’t look freakish on her. It looked creamy and smooth like silk. Her movements as she descended the stairs were graceful but also effortlessly seductive. Her body was the most feminine body in the world. She was lean but the curve of her breast and hips inspired a sensation in Xavier’s nether region. She had full lips and high sharp cheek bones. Words like beautiful and gorgeous didn’t cover it. She was something more.
Her eyes held no pupil which was also standard vampire. They were a pale grey almost silver in color. They glinted in the light and they seemed to be fixed in a permanent glare. Her full lips were set and her chin was held up high. Her arrogant air superseded any other vampire he had ever come across. She had jet black hair that was gathered atop her head in an elegant bun behind her bejeweled crown. She was in a black lace strapless dress. The back dipped dangerously low in the back. The darkness of her and dress made her pale skin even more pronounced. She was average for a woman she seemed so much taller. Larger than life in a way. She reached the middle of the staircase, nodded her head ever so slightly, and the room stood again She descended the rest of the steps and Xavier’s father, Phillip, was the first to step up and greet her. He was the president and they would be working very closely with one another. Phillip wanted to make a good impression on her. He swept her a grand bow and kissed the ruby ring on her finger. If Xavier hadn’t been so transfixed at the sight of her, he would have scoffed. His father spoke to the queen and then gestured to Xavier before they both started making their way toward him.
Xavier shook his head closed his mouth that had been hanging agape. He downed the last of his champagne and cleared his throat. His heart was pounding and he struggled to control his breath. He watched as his father and the queen made their way toward him. The sight was unsettling. His father was clearly moving at regular pace but something about the way she moved made it look as if she was moving in slow motion. Her steps were sure and made her hips sway sinuously. They reached him and his father turned toward him with a huge smile. “Xavier this is Queen Celeste de Silva. Your Majesty this is my son Xavier Donahue,” Phillip introduced. The queen arched an eyebrow and a smirk played upon her lips. She gracefully raised her hand and Xavier automatically bowed her and kissed her ring. “It is a pleasure to meet you,” she said. Her voice. It was layered, like two people were speaking at once. It made the hair stand up on the back of his neck. It was also beautiful. It was deeper than most girl’s voices but still undeniably feminine. It was alluring and melodic. “The pleasure is mine Your Majesty,” he replied. Amusement flashed in her eyes. “I can tell.”

This is the beginning of a story I wrote. Looking forward to any and all feedback!

GreatEscape wrote: Only two royal vampires were allowed to be Awake at one time.

i read and liked what i was reading up till here. sounds far too much like underworld with vincent being awoken and all that. ill try reread and get that out of my head and ill put my views of the rest later

ok read the end and i can already tell the plot apologies if im wrong
"they fall in love, bla bla, she gets killed bla bla and he goes off mental for revenge and bla bla cry cry"
am i wrong? i beg you to tell me these 2 dont fall in love and it doesnt turn out to be a bullshit love story as usual edit: because if it does turn out to be a lovey dovey load of crap than no point in writing or publishing it hundreds of authors already beat ya to it

It is a love story but that's not the plot at all. I was going in the unrequited love direction. I know what you mean about the Underworld thing though. I debated that for a long time so now I think I'll edit that part.

GreatEscape wrote:It is a love story but that's not the plot at all. I was going in the unrequited love direction. I know what you mean about the Underworld thing though. I debated that for a long time so now I think I'll edit that part.

so hes gonna be in love with her and shes not?

He's not because even though he thinks she beyond beautiful he still hates vampires.

I really enjoyed reading this! It was very good and besides a few things, was well written!

Because of my horrible grammar, I'm not going to point out the grammar mistakes. XD

But, when two characters are talking you have to start a new line when... Well, here I'll show you.

~~
"Well, I thought you liked bananas!" Susie shouted at her brother.

"I don't like fruit, Susie!" Bob yelled back at her.
~~

Like that!

But, I use to make the same mistake as you... All the time... In my English classes.
That was not a fun time.


But anyway!
Loved the story and can't wait for the next chapter!

--Kid--

than waiting for some monster to wake up after 400 years.
You, earlier on said that it only happened once a century, I'm confused if those two paragraphs work together.

I really liked the gothic taste that works so well in fantasy, plus the description is done to the perfect lengt to neither suffocate, nor misinform the reader. I loved all of your description of the Queen. However going from 'effortlessly seductive' to 'Gorgeous' and 'nether regions' is slightly off, you need to keep up your intense formal style and from there it will be completely mind blowing. I do a similar thing with my work and it is very hard to always keep up the same signature style, but you've got a really nice way of writing and it would be a shame to drop it.
Please post your next bit up because im interested to see how the next chapter goes but as a few earlier comments showed you need to, if you want it to be romantic, to have a huge twist and weird couple relationship that will transform the whole storyline because otherwise it ends up being already done a million times over.

The regular vampires looked to the royal vampires as a human would their president. Only two royal vampires were allowed to be Awake at one time. It was usually a mated pair but the vampire that would be Awaked tonight was not mated. There were four pairs of mated royals all together. They slept until it was their turn to rule again.

Maybe I could have explained the situation with the royals better. The Awakening Balls do only take place once a century but there our four other sets of royals that have to have their turn to rule. Celeste will be Awake for one century. After that century she will go to sleep and another royals will Awaken and so with the other pairs. So by the time she's Awakened again 400 years has passed. I hope that wasn't too confusing.