Tack-E

It’s rare
To feel happy
When the lights are so bright
So often taxing and trite
Put to shame by the bulb in the sky
But I look out the window and see the tricolored lights
And it reminds me of the country
Not the city
And it reminds me of their dinner
Not my meal
And it reminds me of the torn up rug in my car
Not the spotless leather interior in my mother’s new car
And it reminds me of how it feels to be warm and protected
Not cold and vulnerable
And it reminds me of what humanity should be

They hang limply from the dulled shingles of the home, placed in no particular order
Lacking uniform arrangement and dimming every so often, so much so that I think the lights may burn out
But they burn red, green, white persistently pushing through the tear-drop glass
And droop further over the front of the house nearing the slush-covered grey, cement ground.

I used to hate it when they put the lights up.
Instantaneously.
It transitioned too fast; why should they decide when autumn’s over?
The red and the green and the white
Shining on my house peaking through my windows into my room
Intruding on my peace
Pushing into my room, spilling onto my white walls
Allow me myself

My first comment is about your lack of punctuation but after this sentence I shan't mention it again. ^^



[s]This poem left me slightly confused because I am not certain to what kind of lights you are referring to, whether metaphorical lights, natural lights, or artificial lights. You say they take away autumn but then they spill into your room, so that more than anything has me at a loss for comprehension. Being that the lights are the main focus of the poem, it'd be good to know exactly what kind they were! [/s]

So I believe I just discerned that they are Christmas lights? I am not entirely certain of this fact, but then, wouldn't it be, "Who are they to decide when winter is over?" But I could be horrendously wrong in this fact...

I found your use of positive/negative in the first stanza to be intriguing but at the same time, it made each phrase a little weaker because I simply knew you were going to couple it with something else which was the opposite. It was also weakened by the use of things like "warm and protected" or "cold and vulnerable". These adjectives, believe it or not, leave the poem feeling vague. Instead, could you describe situations? What does the narrator believe to be a "warm and protected" situation? What makes one feel that way? What makes her "cold and vulnerable"? What happened to her? Was there a specific instance that you could go into detail with there?

Your second stanza is more beautiful but awkward next to the short and quick first stanza, since its lines are longer and more poetic. I think it would benefit you to break it up some, not in line breaks, but grammatically. The phrase sort of spills on, but I believe it would look better if given structure.

I don't really have a comment on the last stanza, apart from the last line. Is the narrator saying that the lights allow her to be herself? (You didn't have this word.) Or that they do not? And, if this is so, how do they allow her to be herself? What does she do with these lights on her? Can I see proof that they, if I've read it correctly, complete her? Otherwise this ending is a bit of a drop and for me does not satisfy the whole poem.

Ah! Sorry for so many critiques. I do think you use language wonderful and everything I've plucked at (apart from the first sentence which I said I shan't mention further!) is more in depth. You certainly write poetically! At this point, it's more about making the poetic even more poetic and more beautiful. I hope this review helped!

Suzanne, the most thorough critiques are the best critiques so thank you very much! When someone has a lot of suggestions, I can tell that he or she put some thought into reading my piece so I really appreciate your post. The lights are Christmas lights, and I'm afraid I've failed as a writer (kind of) if i didn't make that clear enough. I will definitely improve my descriptions. The lack of punctuation in the first stanza was intentional. It was supposed to reinforce the hurried tone of an observer (the speaker) sorting through a long thought...sort of a stream of consciousness. "They" decide when Autumn is over because they put their lights up too early. And the positive/negative lines: I'm so glad you let me know that it was a little repetitious and a bit too telling because I had wondered the same thing when I initially wrote this. When revising the poem, I'll try to show more and tell less. I'm mulling over your suggestion about breaking up the second stanza. Don't know how I feel about it yet, but I'll certainly consider it. And in the last stanza, the speaker's audience changes. The last line is a direct address to the lights or "Them". She's saying something along the lines of, "Leave me alone, allow me some peace." Any ideas on how I could clarify that? Thank you so much!