Utterly attached {edited}

I haven't written poetry, that isn't for NaPo's, in so long, I'm not sure how to do it <---- That just sounds stupid
Anyway, here it is! My most recent poem. Oh, and I dedicated it to my best friend. Oh and it's for Adna's contest on the Poetry Inspiration group.

Utterly attached
by Kat

I dare wish our time hadn't ran by,
memories falling like a meloncolic waterfall.
Moments when you kept my dreams alive,
and others, when I, for you, faced them all.

I must not beg for you to stay, though I would,
but I cannot ask you to make such choice.
Between years of friendship and freedom,
just for me to be happy and hear your voice.

As you stand in front of me, I think of this.
As you say you love me and say goodbye,
"I must not beg, you have to follow your way."
Being dreafully and utterly attached
by more than pure friendship, I dare say,
"Love, my heart you have conquered."

*writewatiwant* wrote:I dare wish our time hadn't ran by
through our fingers, just like sand.

Oh no, not the old "Time is grains of sand" metaphor. Don't begin your poem with such a dusty cliche. Think of something else, anything else.

Those times when you dried my tears,
and those when I held your hand.

Drying tears and holding hands is overused and on top of that, you've put three cliches together in the first half of this poem without anything original or any way of connecting them besides the fact that they are about the narrator and her lover/friend. Imagery, description, voice - these are important and especially can be used successfully in the beginning, because that is what catches the reader's attention in the first place.

I wish we could freeze the moment,
take a funny picture and save it.
I'm sorry to think it would last longer,
then the time we have until we split.

This stanza starts with yet another overused phrase - "freezing the moment" and abandons any pretense of using literary devices or any type of aesthetic. It's just talking, going on and on. After you've fixed the waterfall of cliche in the beginning of the poem, let the imagery slide through the rest of the piece; stopping and beginning with only monologue, as you've done here, is awkward and rough.

Could you belive we've come this far?
Being dreafully and utterly attached
by more than pure friendship, I dare say,
Love, my heart you have scratched.

See above. Also, "scratched" sounds like a desperate attempt to rhyme. Try some other word, I don't know. This one doesn't work.

Overall, this was, honestly, a boring poem that needs plenty of revision before it can stand a chance.

Hope that helped.

Hum, thanks Galerius. Sorry it was so much of a terrible read. I have edited it, and hopefully, cut out the cliches. I usually avoid them, but their easier for me to recognise in Portuguese. Anyway, it was a very helpful review. Thanks