Oneiroi

Felt myself moving,
On a table of wheels,
Bright light overhead,
Am I dead?
Looked up to see, the son of Hypnos,
Offspring of Nyx,
The god that sleeps,
On a bed of ebony.

Bright orange flowers shower my body,
Phantasos to my right,
Phobetor on the left,
And all around me Morpheus dances,
Weaving dreams into my head...

A flicker of reality gets past,
See red water,
Flick back to orange flowers,
And all around me Morpheus dances,
Weaving dreams into my head...

Turn back on, feel water dripping,
People speaking; loud beeping; quick and sharp.
Flick back to poppies,
And all around me Morpheus dances,
Weaving dreams into my head...

A full flash of light,
Colored with red, with green, with white,
And the orange flowers continue to fall,
And all around me Morpheus dances,
Weaving dreams into my head...

Fully awake, the room is white,
Tubes in my arms,
Mask on my face,
And all around me no one's dancing,
...they're weaving wires into my head...

Feel nothing moving,
On a table of steel,
No light overhead,
Am I dead?
Looked up to see, the son of Cronus,
Offspring of Rhea,
The god that sleeps,
'Neath a twitter of bats,
And all around me fire's dancing.

To tell you the truth I really liked the descriptions and I thought this is a good lyric, but I did not get what you were singing about to be honest. Maybe it's just me, but I loved the descriptions, Lol, I would give you a 4/5 because even though I don't understand what this song is about, I still you probably made a good plot and them for this song. Sorry

Hi! Welcome to YWS!
Before I review this I just want to point out that you haven't made any reviews yet and we like to try to keep a 2:1 ratio on reviews to stories on the sight.
Now I normally make people make at least two reviews before I actually come back and review their work, but since this is a special week, I'm just going to review it now (pinky promise you'll make some reviews though )


This song kind of confused me. I agree with lordgluxman that I really had no idea what this song was about. When writing lyrics you want to keep it pretty friendly to the readers/listeners and write about common subjects. I'm not really sure who Hypnos, Nyx, Phantasos, Phobetor, Morpheus, Cronus, or Rhea are. You kind of lose part of the message/imagery of the song not knowing who/what they are.
I like the imagery of one of the last stanzas, where it like their putting tubes in his head and he doesn't know if he's dead. It's more of a common piece of subject matter.

Don't get discouraged, it has a lot of potential!

-Carly

((PM me if you have any questions or need anything!))