Bird Cage

OK this is something i made up the other day, i just write these things when they come to me i have tons just need to type them well enjoy


[b]BIRD CAGE
My heart is like a bird,

Forever trapped.

Within it's cage,

Waiting for it to soar on.

To fly high above the moon.

I Waite to be set free.

I have been hurt,

Too many times to be counted.

Am afraid

A lone.

Too leave my cage.

For my heart is breakable.

When will the person come?

To set this little bird free?

Others have tried to set me free,

But know one,

Has yet to understand this,

Little bird in its cage.

The cage blocks this little bird,

In till the key is found

In till then am in

My cage.

Its a lil weird but hope u like it

OK, I like this poem, but I've heard a lot of things like it before. Not that you copied someone! Heavens, no, I wouldn't accuse you of that . I'm just saying, try to make it more... original. Use more figurative language. Not that I didn't love it! Trust me, I did.

OK, now that I got that out of the way, lets get to reviewing!

I would ease up on the capitals. They are fine, grammatically correct and all, but they look out of place in some places. If every single line starts with a capital, after only a comma, then it looks a little funky. Funky= weird. Hehe, I say funky a lot

Also;

BIRD CAGE

Try it without caps lock.

To fly high above the moon. Replace the comma with a semi- colon

I Waite to be set free.

Waite shouldn't be capitalized or have the e at the end. Please change that.

Too many times to be counted. replace comma with semi- colon

Am afraid put an I at the end and Am shouldn't be capitalized

A lone. alone is one word and you should take out the period at the end

Too leave my cage. too should be to

When will the person come?

To set this little bird free?

To me, that looks like one question. Try de- capitalizing the second line, and replace the question mark on the first line with a comma. Does that make sense?

In till the key is found

In till then am in

My cage.

This makes absolutely no sense to me... sorry The second line especially throws me off. The "in till" should be until. That is all I can suggest, for the other stuff, like I said, doesn't make sense. Try being a little more clearer please.

Its a lil weird but hope u like it

Please no chat speak

OK this is something i made up the other day, i just write these things when they come to me i have tons just need to type them well enjoy

This is a giant run- on.


OK, so I hope I helped, if only a little! Sorry if I was harsh or mean, I really didn't mean to be. I was just saying what I thought was right . So, PM me if you need anything, I'm open.

See you around

i think it needs a little work with the grammar and other technicalities.. :] add more rhythm to it! :] hope this helps...


BIRD CAGE
My heart is like a bird,

Forever trapped.

Within its cage, > "it's" is the contraction for "it is"... so, remove apostrophe :]

Waiting for it to soar on.

To fly high above the moon.

I wait to be set free.

I have been hurt,

Too many times to be counted.

I'm afraid

A lone.

To leave my cage.

For my heart is breakable.

When will the person come?

To set this little bird free?

Others have tried to set me free,

But no one,

Has yet to understand this,

Little bird in its cage.

The cage blocks this little bird,

In till the key is found

In till then am in

My cage.

[/quote]

Hello, this is Soul here! Well, poetry's not exactly my strong point, but at least I can get the grammer and spelling eh? First off: It was pretty good, but I did notice some spelling that could be corrected. Let's see if we can fix that. My corrections will be in bold and additions will be in italic. If I have a comment, I'll put it in bold-italic. Shall we get started?

Okay this is something I "I" should always be capitalized.made up the other day. Nix the comma. I just write these things when they come to me. I have tons just need to type them. Well enjoy


BIRD CAGE I agree with peanut - try without the caps lock on. )


My heart is like a bird,

Forever trapped I think you just need to take out the period

Within it's cage,

Waiting for it Take out "for it" - it doesn't exactly make senseto soar on,

To fly high above the moon.

I waitNo "E" at the end of "Wait" to be set free.

I have been hurt,

Too many times to be counted.

I am afraid

A lone. Just have to point out that "alone" is one word - nix the space please!
Second thought here. How about instead of having "I am afraid" switch it to
"I am alone,
afraid
to leave my cage." It flows better that way, what do you think?

To leave my cage.

For my heart is breakable.

When will the person come

to set this little bird free? I agree with peanut again on how this should go.

Others have tried to set me free,You use "set a lot". How about re-wording and maybe putting something like: "Others have tried to free me"

But no one,

Has yet to understand this,

Little bird in its cage.

The cage blocks this little bird,

Until the key is found

Until then I am in No such thing as "In till"

My cage.

Its a lil weird but hope u like it[i]Maybe just put this little bit down here in italics or something so you don't get it confused with the rest of your poem.

Overall: It was pretty good! It was creative and imaginative. Like I said, poetry's not my strong point, but I hope I can help with grammer and spelling! Anyway, if you have any questions PM me! Happy writing!
~SOUL~