The Accidental Rebellion, Ch. 4 - Followed

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Arthur trudged through the thick undergrowth, trailing closely behind Black. Soon after they had set out, the forest had become marshy, and now Arthur’s boots were sodden. His feet squelched inside them, squishing the muddy water between his toes. The air was hot, causing the wet ground to humidify the air. His shirt stuck to him with sweat that poured from his skin like a river.

Mosquitoes buzzed through the air, making their annoying high pitched whine. Arthur slapped and swatted at his face as he heard the hover near his ear, but they wouldn’t let up. His arms were dotted with swollen lumps which itched and burned. He scratched at them but the itching wouldn’t go. He almost gouged his skin off.

”Leave them,” said Black, “They’ll only get worse and last longer if you scratch.”

Judging by the tone of Black’s voice, he was just as frustrated as Arthur, so he decided not to argue. He left the bites alone for a minute, but couldn’t stand it anymore, and began scratching again. Blood oozed from them, but he didn’t mind; the pain was better than the itch.

“Watch out for that,” said Black.

“For what,” said Arthur, but it was too late. His foot landed in a mud pit, and he sunk up to his thigh. He fell forward, his hands landing on the soggy ground in front.

Black and Sibo laughed, and Sue gasped.

“Arthur are you alright,” said Sue, hurrying to his side.

“It’s not funny,” shouted Arthur, trying and failing to pull himself out. The mud crawled up his leg.

“Sorry,” said Black, in hysterics. “I did warn you.”

Sibo fell over laughing, landing in slime, but nowhere near as bad as what Arthur was in. She rolled over, tears streaming from her eyes.

Black fell to his knees, now pointing at Sibo. He bent over, resting one hand on the ground.

“Pull me out,” shouted Arthur. “It’s already up to my nuts.”

At the mention of the word nuts, Black fell backwards, his laughing becoming so intense that no sound came out; he had no air left in his lungs. He gasped deeply, before letting it all out again in his fit of laughter.

Sue grabbed Arthur’s hands and pulled him out. His trousers were covered in muck. He glared down at Black.

Black looked up. “It looks like...” he begun, but he couldn’t get the last words out through his laughter.

“What,” laughed Sibo, getting up onto her knees.

“It looks like...” Black still couldn’t say it. He rolled back, spreading himself out on the mud. “It looks like you shat yourself.”

Sibo began to laugh again when Arthur shouted, “Shut up!”

Sibo stifled her laugh, making a snorting noise through her nose.

“Oh god,” said Black, pushing himself to his feet. Arthur turned his back. “Oh come on Arthur,” he said, still laughing slightly. “You have to admit it was pretty funny.”

“No it wasn’t,” said Arthur.

“Look, I’m sorry,” said Black, but the hint of laughter in his voice betrayed his insincerity.

Arthur stomped ahead, continuing in the direction they’d been heading. Sue glared evilly at Black as she walked past and grabbed Sibo by the arm, leading her after Arthur.

Black looked at Wolfgang and saw no inkling of humour in his eyes. He cocked his head to the side as he turned away, wondering how the priest could remain so emotionless. He figured it must be something religion does to people.

Sibo looked over her shoulder to see if Black was still laughing as she was on the inside, but before she could see, her mother tugged on her arm, and she almost fell over.

“Mum,” she shouted, pulling her arm away. ”I’m eighteen; you don’t need to hold my hand.”

“You will apologise to your little brother,” said Sue, pointing her finger at Sibo’s face. “Go on.”

“Arthur,” called Sibo. He kept walking. “Arthur,” she called again, hurrying after him.

“What,” he said as she caught up.

“I’m sorry for laughing at you,” she said.

“Yeah right,” he said, stomping ahead. “You’re only saying that because mum told you to.”

“Everyone stop,” called Black, running up behind them. “I think it’s time we had a break. The ground’s fairly dry here.”

All morning Arthur would have welcomed a break, but now he would rather keep walking. At least if they were walking he’d have some way to vent his anger. Besides, he didn’t want to have a break if it was Black who suggested it.

“Arthur,” said Black, walking up behind him. He felt Black’s hand on his shoulder and pulled away.

“Look, I’m sorry,” said Black. “I shouldn’t have laughed at you. We’ve been walking all day and I was frustrated. I needed to let it out.”

“Yeah, well, now I’m even more frustrated,” said Arthur.

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” said Black, putting his hand on Arthur’s shoulder again. This time Arthur didn’t resist. “I wouldn’t have done it if I realized it’d upset you this much.”

Arthur made no reply, and Black walked away.

“Sit down,” said Sue’s gentle voice behind him. She sat down next to Arthur.

“They didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” she said. “They couldn’t help it. It was the frustration as Black said.”

“It didn’t seem to affect you or the priest.”

“That’s because I’m your mother and he’s...” she turned to face Wolfgang. “Odd.” She paused. “Perhaps he’s so holy he doesn’t know which hole to laugh out of.”

Arthur giggled at that; finally a joke about someone else.

“Come on,” said Sue, offering him her hand. “Let’s go sit with the others.”

Arthur took her hand and she pulled him to his feet. They walked side by side and sat down with the others. Arthur looked across to where Wolfgang sat, praying as usual, and his face broke into a smile which he tried to suppress.
Black smiled, seeing Arthur happy again. He sat back against a tree, watching with amusement at how hard Arthur tried not to show his happiness.

“What?” said Black finally. He couldn’t bear to be left out any longer.

“Nothing,” said Arthur, pursing his lips to prevent his laughter from escaping.

“Come on, tell.”

Arthur crawled across beside Black. Sibo came up near him, and he whispered, “mum said Wolfgang’s so holy he doesn’t know which hole to laugh out of.”

Black smiled, looking over to where Wolfgang prayed. “I’d have to agree with your mother there.”

A faint rustling issued forth from the scrub, and Black sat up suddenly like a meerkat. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end.

“Did you hear that?” said Black.

“Yes,” replied Arthur.

“There’s something out there,” said Black, peering through the understorey. “Or someone perhaps?”

Wolfgang made a sign against evil. “A wandering animal perhaps.”

“Come investigate with me Arthur,” said Black. “The rest of you stay alert while we’re gone.”

Black and Arthur crept through the forest, watching carefully where they stepped, avoiding any sticks or crunchy leaves.

“There it is,” whispered Black abruptly. “I just heard a twig snapping up ahead. Get down.”

Arthur crouched down on his knees. He saw a quick flash of metal through the leaves ahead of them. “I saw something over there,” he whispered, pointing into the scrub.

Black reached for his axe, quietly withdrawing it from his belt. The sound of footsteps was now easily audible.

“Come on,” he said, tugging on Arthur’s shirt. “Let’s get back to the others.”

They crept quickly but silently back to where the others were waiting nervously.

“There’s someone behind us,” whispered Black. “I don’t know who it is or how many but we’d best hide.”

“God protect us,” said Wolfgang.

“Follow me,” said Black, and he led them a short way away into some dense ground cover. “Here’s a good spot. Stay down and don’t make a sound.”

Arthur lay down on the moist earth beneath a canopy of bracken fern. Stalks rose up all around him, making it like a mini forest in itself. Every move he made caused the canopy to rattle, so he had to be very careful to stay as still as possible. The others made rustling noises as they wriggled their way into position. He looked to his right and Saw Sibo a few metres away, lying on her front with her eyes fixed forward.

“Shh,” said Black. “I can hear them.”

Arthur listened carefully, and could make out voices.

“Where did they go now,” said one of the voices gruffly. “Surely they would have stopped nearby to rest after that horrid swamp.”

“The tracks seem to be leading in this direction,” said another voice.

“Lead on then,” said the gruff voice.

Arthur heard their noisy footsteps grow closer.

“Keep it down,” whispered the gruff voice. “If they’re nearby we don’t want them hearing us.”

The footsteps quietened, but were still slightly audible. Arthur stared forward, peering through the gaps between the bracken stalks. Any slight movement such as a branch in the breeze caused his eyes to race to it. His heart pounded in his chest, and he felt that the sound of his heartbeat would be enough to give them away.

Then he saw a flash, and his eyes fixed on the position he’d seen it. Had it been his imagination? There was nothing there now. He waited, the footsteps slowly growing louder. Where were they? Then he saw another flash, and a nearby bush moved slightly. A man in armour walked into the clearing. Through vision broken up by the bushes and bracken fern stalks, he was able to make out more people as they came closer, but he couldn’t tell how many there were.

He watched, flicking his eyes from one person to the other as the abstract shapes and movements materialised into human forms as they drew nearer. The lead man was tall and bearded, wearing an open metal helmet and chainmail habergeon. The others following behind wore similar outfits, except for the grey haired man who was second in line, who wore a metal chest plate instead of chainmail, and who had a red plume on his helmet.

They were heading right for them. Arthur wanted to move. To get out of their path, but he dared not. The slightest rustle of ferns would give them away. He stayed dead still, moving only his eyes to track the soldiers as they drew nearer and nearer. He knew that his life was in the balance, and only fate would determine what happened. There was nothing he could do to save himself.

Fear gripped Arthur, like a cold hand slithering from the ground to clench his heart. He wanted to look over to one of the others, for the comfort of their presence, but couldn’t move.

He waited.

The first man entered the bracken patch, but Arthur saw only the boots, and the bending and snapping stalks. Realising he had been holding his breath, he slowly began breathing again, the sound of the snapping bracken loud enough to cover up the noise.

The boots grew closer, heading straight towards him. He was sure his time had come. He closed his eyes tight, praying even though he didn’t believe in god. Suddenly the sound of footsteps stopped. He thought he had been spotted. He waited; every muscle in his body tense. He prayed only for a quick death. Moments passed, but nothing happened. He slowly opened his eyes, and saw only a metre in front of him, the boots of the soldier planted firmly on the ground.

“What is it?” said the grey haired man.

“I heard something,” said the tracker.

Arthur kept his eyes fixed on the boots, and focused all his energy on stillness. With the noise of footsteps gone, he couldn’t afford to breathe. As it is when one must stay still, he found himself itching all over, but couldn’t scratch. An insect crawled onto his arm, and he pushed back a strong urge to flick it off, hoping it wouldn’t bite.

“Where did it come from?” asked the leader.

“Sounded like it was that way,” replied the soldier. Arthur couldn’t see where he was pointing.

After a few moments, the soldier started walking again; thankfully in a different direction. He passed in between Arthur and Sibo. The others followed the same path through the bracken as the guide had. Arthur felt a huge weight in his chest disappear. He almost let out his breath from his lungs which were aching from holding his breath, but restrained himself at the last moment. He counted the sets of legs as they filed past. They kept coming until twelve had passed.

Once they had moved off, Arthur breathed out, and took a breath in, filling his lungs with much needed air.

“Don’t get up yet,” whispered Black.

Arthur felt an ache in his neck from the odd posture. As the trackers grew further away, he moved his head slightly to relieve the pain. Soon the footsteps faded away into the sounds of the forest, and Black pushed himself up onto his knees. Arthur followed suit. He rotated his head around, trying to release the tension in his neck.

“That was a close one,” said Black, breathing deeply trying to replenish his oxygen supply. “They must have been tracking us the whole way. We’re bloody lucky we heard them before they heard us.”

“Thank god,” said Wolfgang.

“Now we’re going to have to be extra careful,” said Black. “If they lose our tracks up ahead which they will seeing as they don’t exist, they’re bound to double back until they find them. We’ll have to go a different way, at least enough so that we give their path a wide berth. Hopefully they won’t find our tracks for some time to give us a head start.

“We’ll move in formation,” said Black. “Five metre spacing. I’ll lead, Wolfgang, you bring up the rear and keep an ear out. Nobody talk, and if I give this signal,” he held up a closed fist, ”you stop and get down, understood?”

They all nodded.

“Good, follow me.”

Arthur fell in five metres behind Black. Behind him was his mother, then Sibo, then Wolfgang. Arthur couldn’t have gone off high alert even if he wanted to, the adrenaline from the close encounter with death still pumping through his veins. He looked to the left and then the right constantly, carefully surveying his surroundings for the slightest hint of danger. The forest was eerily still and silent, and their footsteps rang out like bells, and he was certain that they were loud enough to wake the dead.

The sun sank behind the horizon a few hours later, and darkness forced them to stop and make camp. They had no fire that might give them away. The heat of the day quickly drained away into the night, and Arthur began to feel the cold. He lay on the ground staring upwards at the black silhouettes of treetops against the fading sky. Ten minutes later, twilight had descended.

The creatures of the night began emerging, and every noise or rustle they made caused Arthur’s heart to race. He jerked his head towards the source of the noise, where his eyes consistently tricked him into thinking he’d seen someone momentarily, but who had disappeared the moment his gaze fixed upon them. His breathing grew fast, and a feeling of claustrophobia gripped him, closing in around him as the phantoms hiding in the bush seemed to appear closer and closer. He looked over to his mother, but she was sound asleep.

“Black,” he whispered in a wavering voice.

Black was sitting watch a short way away, and he turned his head at the sound of his name.

“Who was that,” he asked, unable to discern the whisper.

“Arthur.”

“What’s the matter Arthur,” said Black.

”It feels like someone’s watching us,” said Arthur.

“How so?” said Black

“I keep thinking I can see people in the bush at the edge of the clearing, but when I look closer there’s nothing there, as if they hid just in time.”

”It’s your imagination,” said Black, "Your mind’s playing tricks on you."

“How do I make it stop?” said Arthur.

“You’ll just have to overcome the fear,” said Black. “Just remember that it’s dark so they can’t see us, so they wouldn’t come at this time anyway.”

“Okay,” said Arthur, closing his eyes. It took a while, but he managed to get to sleep.

***

“Wake up Arthur,” said Black.

Arthur slowly opened his eyes, blinking away the sleep. The forest was misty in the early morning, but had retained much of the heat of the previous day. The sun was not up yet, but there was enough light that he could see.

“We’ve got to get a move on,” said Black, grabbing his arm and pulling him up.

Arthur mumbled and groaned as he staggered. He didn’t yet feel ready to get up, but knew there was no choice. They couldn’t afford to waste a minute of daylight.

“Let’s get underway then,” said Black, “the sooner we start the sooner we finish. Only two more days and we should be out of this forest, then about three days and we’ll be on the frontier of Arbadraz.”

Arthur picked up his mother’s cardigan that he’d used as a pillow. It’s weave was full of gritty dirt and had bits of bark tangled in it. He handed it back to Sue, who shook the dirt off, and tied it around her waist. He grabbed his sword off the ground as Black began walking away from the campsite. He fell into position, and the march begun uneventfully.

They had walked for an hour through the surprisingly tranquil forest, when Black told them to stop. Arthur felt his heart race. The group remained silent, standing completely still. In the distance was the sound of running water. Arthur’s face bore an expression of relief; mirrored by everyone else.

Black quickened his pace. Arthur followed, stumbling on rocks and slipping on moss. The ground began to slope downwards, and Arthur caught a glimpse of white-water through the leaves. He hurried on, jumping down a small ledge, and running to catch up to Black.

”Thank god,” said Wolfgang.

Arthur lay down on the bank and scooped clear water into his mouth. It tasted heavy and metallic; but it was water. Black lay next to him and simply dipped his entire face into the fast moving water.

Arthur sat back up, the first to finish drinking. The river was about five metres across, and had slimy rocks on either side. On the far side there was a thick layer of foam trapped behind a rock jutting out from the bank.

Black took out his water skin and filled it up. He then put the bloated sack back into his bag, and began to take off his boots.

“We’ll have to wade across,” he said, “you can all swim right?”

They all nodded. Arthur took off his shoes and tossed them over the water, along with the bag he was carrying. The others also threw their belongings over, and clothing scattered along the far bank. Next he took his sword and sheath off and threw them onto the opposite bank, before putting one foot in the shallows.

The water was freezing, and it sent a chill right up to his brain. Black was in front of him, but he didn’t seem fazed. Behind him Sibo squealed. The bottom of the river felt pebbly, but smooth. As he waded further out, the water crept up his legs, and he lifted the bottom of his trousers up.

Black turned around. “It gets deep,” he said. “There’ll be a swim.”

Arthur let go of his trousers; no point keeping them dry if they had to swim. He watched Black take another step and the water went up to his chest.

Arthur grimaced as the water reached his groin, and almost let out a high pitched squeal. Black was watching from the other side of the river, chuckling at the expression on Arthur’s face.

“Crap,” said Arthur. “That’s freezing.”

“Well at least the worst part’s over,” said Black. “The rest should be easy.”

It wasn’t. The drop off came before Arthur expected and he shouted as the water suddenly reached his neck. Black was sitting on the far bank laughing at him. He lent forward, letting the water take his weight and paddled. The current carried him downstream, and by the time he was across he had been swept a fair way along. He scampered back onto the bank and walked back to Black, dripping wet.

Black was standing naked, drying himself off with a jumper that had fallen out of his clothes sack. Arthur gathered up his bag and peeled his wet clothes off. He grabbed any old item from his bag and dried off, before changing into some dry clothes.

“You shielas going to stay wet?” Said Black when they made no such gesture.

“You have to look away,” said Sibo.

“Alright,” said Black, he, Arthur and Wolfgang turning their backs.

“They’ll probably want a hot bath with perfume,” said Black, nudging Arthur with his elbow.

“I heard that,” said Sue.

Black laughed as he squeezed the last drops of water from his wet shirt and stuffed it into his bag.

Arthur scanned the riverbank. It was lined with trees that hung over the water, some with vines that stretched all the way to the other side. There were a few flecks of light shimmering on the surface where the sun had penetrated the trees.

“Okay, you can look now,” said Sibo.

“Let’s get going then,“ said Black

They had walked for two hours uninterrupted, when Black held up his clenched fist. Arthur knelt down, on the moist soil, trying to see what it was that caused them to stop, but he was unable to see anything but trees.

Black slowly stood up and crept forward, his closed fist still held up. Arthur watched his back as he moved forwards towards some unknown danger. Arthur continued squinting into the distance, but could make out nothing that would be a threat.

”There’s a road ahead,” said Black, lowering his fist. “It looks empty.”

Arthur stood up, and after a few steps forward, he too could see the road. It wasn’t much of a road; merely a worn track cutting right through the forest. He crept up next to Black.

“I’ll go a bit closer,” said Black. “Don’t follow until I give the signal.”

Arthur nodded, and watched Black as he walked closer to the road, hunched over to remain hidden behind the undergrowth. He used his hand to push aside leaves and branches, until he was right next to the road. He looked around then turned to face the others.

“Coast is clear,” he said, and the others got up and walked out onto the road.

“Ya!” shouted a voice nearby, and a man on a horse charged out of the thicket a short way down the road. He was the grey haired man from before, and he held a long sword in his hand. Another two horsemen followed him out, and the rest of the soldiers came out on foot.

“Get back,” shouted Black. Arthur and the others ran back into the woods, but Black stayed in the middle of the road. The horses charged full pelt towards him. He remained still.

The grey haired man raised his sword to swing at Black, but just in before he brought it down, Black grabbed the saddle and slotted one foot into the stirrup. He elbowed the rider in the face, and he toppled off the horse. Black vaulted into the saddle, and pulled his sword out. The other two riders charged towards him, one on either side. They flew past, but before they could strike, Black decapitated them both.

“Quickly get on the horses,” Black shouted, turning the animal around. Arthur ran out of the bushes and climbed into the saddle of the empty horse. Black put his sword away and offered Sue a hand up onto his horse.

“Sibo, take my hand,” said Arthur. Sibo put a foot into the stirrup, and Arthur pulled her up onto the horse. “Hold on.”

Black swung his axe into the head of a soldier who grabbed at his leg to dismount him. The head split, and blood splattered all over the man behind. Black turned the horse and charged it past the soldiers, ending another one’s life with a swipe of his axe.

“Come on Arthur,” he called from the other side of the group of soldiers.

Arthur urged his horse forwards, intent to break through the line of enemies. The beast hesitantly ran forwards, but at the last moment reared up. Arthur held onto the reins for dear life. He could feel Sibo’s weight pulling downwards. The horse kicked and went crazy, sending a soldier to the pavement with a broken nose.

“Ahh,” cried Sibo, as she lost her grip, and fell off the back of the horse. One of the soldiers ran past to try and restrain her. Arthur stabbed at him, but missed because of his horse’s wild motion. The soldier grabbed Sibo and pulled her to her feet.

Black charged his horse into the crowd, knocking over two soldiers, and killing one with a swing of his axe. Then he felt a tug on one of his legs, and he fell out of the saddle.

“Help,” cried Sue, hugging the saddle to prevent herself from falling. “Help,” she repeated.

Arthur desperately tried to control the frightened animal.

Black leapt to his feet to find the grey haired soldier standing in front of him. The soldier gave a wry smile, and jumped into the saddle behind Sue and held his sword to her throat.

“Ride West,” he said in her ear. She did as commanded, and she and her captor galloped away from the battle.

”Mum,” cried Arthur, seeing her being taken away. He turned his horse and kicked its flanks, but just as it began moving, he saw the head of a halberd flash through the air and into the horse’s front leg. It threw Arthur off the front as it fell. Arthur landed on top of an enemy soldier, and they both crashed to the ground. He grabbed the man’s throat, but the soldier kneed him in the torso, and his grip loosened. He was thrown onto the ground to the side. He saw the man raise his sword above his head, and kicked the man in the foot. The soldier fell on the ground. Arthur scrambled back to his feet, and staggered backwards towards Black.

Black took out his crossbow in one hand, and shot the man who was trying to keep Sibo under control. It hit him in the head, and he died instantly. He tossed the crossbow away, and swung his axe at a soldier. The soldier blocked with his shield, and tried to run Black through with a spear. Black pirouetted to the side, and grabbed the spear, yanking it from his foe’s hands. He reversed it and threw it. It lodged in the enemy’s stomach. Black finished him off with a blow under the chin with his axe.

Sibo got off the ground, and ran up behind a soldier who was fighting Arthur, and ran him through. She pulled the blade out of her victim’s body and it slumped to the ground. She and Arthur ran to the only remaining soldier who fought Wolfgang. Wolfgang cowered behind his blade as he blocked a slash. Arthur ran up beside the soldier and plunged his blade into his side, expecting an easy kill. Instead his sword glanced off the breastplate hidden beneath the man’s navy blue surcoat. The soldiers turned to face Arthur and he stepped backwards.

“Black,” he called. “Black, help.”

Black ran between Arthur and the soldier. The soldier tried to stab Black, but Black pushed the blade up over his head with his axe handle. He kicked as hard as he could at the man’s shield, sending it flying out of his hand.
The soldier backed up to free his sword. The two combatants stood at arm’s length with their weapons. Black drew his sword and threw down his axe; he wanted to make this man surrender before he killed him; perhaps he could give them info to help get Sue back.

The soldier took the weapon change as vulnerability and struck. Black was ready for this. He trapped his foes blade and closed in, knowing he could easily win at close quarters. He let go of his sword once he was too close for it to be useful, and grabbed the man’s surcoat.

He pulled the soldier close and pulled his helmet off. The soldier tried to back off so he could use his sword, but Black wouldn’t let him.

Black let go of the surcoat and grabbed both of the man’s wrists. He pushed his thumb into the vein on the man’s sword arm and he let go of the sword. Black pushed him.

The soldier staggered backwards gripping his wrist. Black picked up the dropped sword and pointed it at the unarmed soldier’s throat. The soldier threw his hands in the air.

“Arthur, Wolfgang, bind his hands,” said Black, “there’s a rope in my bag.”

Arthur reached into Black’s backpack and withdrew a frayed brown rope. He walked over to the prisoner and he and Wolfgang pushed him down to his knees. Wolfgang held the hands behind his back while Arthur tied the rope around them.

“Where are they taking her?” said Black.

“I don’t know,” said the prisoner.

“I think you do,” said Black, pointing his sword point at the prisoners chin so it drew a spot of blood.

“No,” said the prisoner as soon as the sword touched him. “They’re taking her to border castle.”

“Border castle hey,” said Black, nodding. “That makes sense.”

“What do you want from me,” said the prisoner.

“Well,” began Black, “All I wanted to know is where they’re taking her, so I don’t really have any use for you now...”
Black thrust the sword into the man’s throat. Arthur looked away; feeling a few droplets of blood hit his hand.

“God,” said Wolfgang.

Arthur avoided Black’s glance. He heard footsteps and looked back up to see Black walking towards the lame horse.

“Meat,” said Black.
Q: Where do you go to buy shoes?

A: At the shoez canal, lol.




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Hello Hippie. Remember me? :P

Have you braced yourself?

Good. Because I didn't find much. :D In fact, I only have a couple of quibbles.

“Arthur are you alright?” [asked] Sue, hurrying to his side.

Question mark because she's asking a question, and while said is technically not incorrect, asked makes more sense.

You do this a couple times throughout the chapter, so watch out for it when you're editing.

“It’s not funny!” shouted Arthur

He's shouting, right? Exclamation points scream shouting. :P

Throughout the whole exchange, what is Wolfgang doing? Is he just standing and watching? If so, mention this because he's conspicuously absent throughout this scene. When you did finally mention him, I went "Oh yeah! They have a priest dude with them. Completely forgot about him..."

“You will apologise to your little brother,” said Sue, pointing her finger at Sibo’s face. “Go on.”

“Arthur,” called Sibo. He kept walking. “Arthur,” she called again, hurrying after him.

Is Sue still holding on? Is Sibo dragging Sue behind her? How does Sibo react to being told to apologize? You need a bit of transition between these two paragraphs to show how one event flows to the other.

Arthur made no reply, [so] Black walked away.

And makes it seem as if the two actions are unrelated. So means that because Arthur was unresponsive, Black left.

Black smiled, seeing Arthur [happy again]. He sat back against a tree, watching with amusement at how hard Arthur tried not to [show his happiness].

Happy and happiness is a bit strong a word to use here. "In better spirits" and "laugh out loud" would be better.

Black and Arthur crept through the forest, watching carefully where they stepped, avoiding any sticks or crunchy leaves.

They're in a forest, right? A steamy humid and damp rain forest, right? I don't think they have to worry about any crunchy leaves or dry twigs, seeing as how everything is so wet. Now, if they were in a temperate dry forest, that'd be a completely different story; good luck trying to dodge loudly snapping sticks and crunchy leaves.

He looked to his right and Saw Sibo a few metres away

Some capitalization has snuck its way in here somehow.

A man in armour walked into the clearing.

So, there's a bunch of men in pretty heavy armor tramping through swamps and soggy ground? And what happened to the mosquitoes? They're not going to stop feeding on the party just because they're trying to hide. :P And doesn't Arthur at least have some nasty scrapes and gouges on his arm that are bleeding? Instant bug magnet right there.

“We’ll move in formation,” said Black. “Five metre spacing.

Five meters is a pretty substantial distance, especially through dense undergrowth (which seems to be present in this forest; I'm not sure, though, because there wasn't much description *hint hint*). Two, at most three, meters would make more sense as there would still be some distance between the members without the risk of them losing sight of the person in front of them.

Arthur picked up his mother’s cardigan that he’d used as a pillow

What time period is this story set in? I ask because the word cardigan first came into use in the late 1860s and the level of technology you've shown us so far is pre-1800.

The river was about five metres across

That, I believe, is a stream.

The water was freezing, and it sent a chill right up to his brain.

I like this description.

Arthur let go of his trousers; no point keeping them dry if they had to swim. He watched Black take another step and the water went up to his chest.

Arthur grimaced as the water reached his groin, and almost let out a high pitched squeal. Black was watching from the other side of the river, chuckling at the expression on Arthur’s face.

At which point did Black reach the other side?

He looked around then turned to face the others.

He didn't scout a bit up and down the road? He didn't notice that very large and excellent spot-to-hide-an-ambush-in thicket? That thicket had to have been huge and dense to hide three horses, their mounted riders, nine other men, and their shiny armor.

The grey haired man raised his sword to swing at Black, but just [s]in[/s] before he brought it down, Black grabbed the saddle and slotted one foot into the stirrup.

How? Isn't the grey-haired man's foot already in the stirrup?

By the way, where is Wolfgang during this whole fiasco?

Then he felt a tug on one of his legs, and he fell out of the saddle.

He just fell out? After just a tiny tug? XD It takes quite a lot to unhorse someone, especially if they have their feet in the stirrups. And how did he not take Sue down with him?

“Help,” cried Sue, hugging the saddle to prevent herself from falling. “Help,” she repeated.

Because of the punctuation, it sounds like Sue is speaking in monotone.

Arthur desperately tried to control the frightened animal.

How? Isn't he on his own horse?

The soldier gave a wry smile, and jumped into the saddle behind Sue and held his sword to her throat.

“Ride West,” he said in her ear. She did as commanded, and she and her captor galloped away from the battle.

How did he jump into the saddle behind Sue? I thought she was sitting on the back of or behind the saddle. And Sue can control a horse? Then why was she crying for help and clinging to the saddle for dear life just a moment ago instead of trying to bring the horse under control?

If my count is correct, you're missing three soldiers somewhere. 8 were killed. The grey-haired man got away with Sue. 12 - 9 = 3 Where have these soldiers gone? Did they run away? Did they escape? Or are they waiting for a chance to regroup and attack?

Black is pretty dishonorable. Not a bad thing in itself, but how you portray it could use a bit of work unless you're intending to show Black as almost sadistically cruel instead of practical.




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Yes I remember you - The awesome reviewer!

Thanks for the critique. Looks like I don't have as much work to do on this one. That sounds about right because I put more work into this chapter and was pretty happy about it. Just a few bits and pieces to tie up.

Thanks also for saving this chapter before it sunk to the bottom of the forums. It seemed that's where it was headed. I really appreciate your help.

Cheers 8)
Q: Where do you go to buy shoes?

A: At the shoez canal, lol.



Parentheses I'm walking back home now though so( Ellipsis Ellipsis ellipsis
— chrysanthemumcentury