Paulina-My Best Friend

I wrote this for my best friend a few days ago hecka randomly. We're going to different schools next year and we dont know how we're going to survive because everything we do, we do together. Anyways, I love you Paulina and you're my best friend forever. Here it gos!!


Paulina-My Best Friend
By:Layla


You're more than just a person,
On whom I can depend.
You're two of my four heart chambers,
You are my best friend.

You swiped away my tears,
And helped me through each day.
It seemed each time I felt down,
You knew just what to say.

Your smile could warm up a room,
Or make a bad time seem terrific.
It could make people feel happy,
And it could make each scene seem perfect.

Together we will stand side-by-side,
Protecting our bond of friendship that took us long to grow.
Knowing that we will never let this beautiful dream go.

So we should grasp each moment for what it's worth,
And keep it forever in our memory.
To remember each thing we did together,
And to never forget what we will always be.

When it comes to saying goodbye,
Together we'll always stay.
Remembering each other in every single way.

Paulina, as we grow,
You I will always remember.
How we were always hanging out,
And how we're best friends forever.

This is lovely. I especially love;
"You're two of my four heart chambers,".

Some parts are rather cliche, such as;

"You wiped away my tears,
And got me through each day.
It seemed each time I felt sad,
You knew just what to say. "

and

"So we should seize each moment,"

I'd suggest writing this out again and then getting a red biro. If you come to a line that sounds like something you've heard somewhere before, cross it out and then replace it with an image which is specific to you and Pauline.

Some of the rhythm is a bit jerky. I'd read it aloud and listen to how it sounds. Stanza four in particular stands out as being too long so I'd try to shorten the lines.

I'd also change "You i will always remember"...in general, twisted syntax sounds a little strange.

However, this progresses nicely from beginning to end, and is a lovely tribute to your friend.

Hope this helps. Feel free to P.M me if you have any questions.

Jas

awww cute! hey guess what? MY THUMB STILL HURTS FROM STUPID HOLY SPIRT THAT WE PLAYED LIKE THREE HOURS AGO!!!