Kamikaze

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A kamikaze of pointlessness.

Leaden words pervade the air and perforate the silence,
an earthquake in a bubble,
flirtatious locusts.
A silent black on which to paint the most accurate of portraits,
not caricatured by convention,
but alive.

And the nurses in their uniforms, creased,
like origami birds:
pretty, white and stiff,
flit by with dry eyes and empty minds.
Sharp talons
pumping morphine into paper cuts,
and prescribing morality
for the flesh-wounds
and the cancer.

Pills of nitro-glycerine.

Harvested in a state of ingrained myopia
by the birds,
eyes transfixed onto the dirt
under their toenails.

A shadow of ignorance.

Cast by Armani penguins and their monuments:
unsightly pillars of second-hand sweat.
They preach equality from their nostrils;
righteousness.
As another ugly duckling is beheaded.

Spoken bullets swarm my vision.
Their sights are kaleidoscopes, their aim erratic.
I am blind and catatonic;
withdrawn into my misanthropic mind where I am safe.
I am never safe.

I shield myself with laughter to disguise from the nurses
the hiss of oxygen evacuating slowly
from my lungs, shredded cellophane.
deflating in defeat.

I am afraid of no horizons,
just of what festers underneath.

Where every single breath is a battlefield.
I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas. . . . . .

"The Lovesong of J Alfred Prufrock" T.S Eliot




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I don't actually have much to say on this, I'm just commenting so this can be brought to the attention of the appropriately knowledgeable people. I work in fiction, not poetry, but I do enjoy reading it and I thought this was great. It flowed well, it was intelligently written - perhaps overwritten? - and the imagery was fantastic. The description of the nurses as origami birds was very, very well done - my favourite of the piece.

I did wonder at 'righteousness' - it sort of jarred for me, but I wonder if that was the purpose of that line. In the stanza following, you speak of bullets swarming your vision but in the latter lines you are blind and catatonic? I think I might just be a little dense and its a little too early in the morning, but I thought it worth mentioning nonetheless. I have the feeling it was a deliberate contradiction/contrast as you then say 'I am safe. I am never safe.' which I loved as well.

Anywhoodledoodle,
nice stuff mate.

~J~
Mah name is jiggleh. And I like to jiggle.

"Indecision and terror, thy name is novel." - Chiko




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Gender Female
Points 1290
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That is a very good poem.

It made me think and I love it when anything I read makes me think.

I especially, like Jiggity, like the origami birds comparison.

Your imagery is spot on and you've got a real talent.

I only wish I could use imagery as well :)

Kudos to you!

Keep writing! (Y)
"A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life." Charles Darwin.



Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path. By all means, you should follow that.
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