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"W/C 9/19 Winner" - A Typical British Day

Sureal · 2005-09-20T16:04:27Z

I am ever so sorry about this. But I had no choice. The voices made me do it. A Typical British Day ‘Dear me, it’s raining again.’ I sighed, shaking my head sadly, ‘I was hoping to go out tonight. But alas, I’m afraid the roads shall be clogged up again. Dogs and cats mating left and right as usual.’ Fred came to stand up beside me, he too watching the poor creatures drop from the sky, ‘And the noise,’ he added, ‘I shan’t be getting any sleep tonight.’ ‘Never mind,’ I said solemnly, ‘We have plenty of cold water. We’ll just have to splash anything that gets too close.’ Outside, a car sped across the road, boasting multiple dents from where the cats and dogs had landed. A black and white feline that had been in the way hissed angrily; and jumped lithely out the way of the speeding vehicle. ‘My – did that cat just get hit?’ Fred asked. ‘No dear boy, it jumped clear of the vehicle.’ ‘Oh… shame…’ I had no time to agree with Fred, for just then a large, black dog came shooting downwards from the Heavens, like some demented comet; and hit next door’s car roof, smashing it inwards – creating the mother of all dents. ‘My, that one was a doozy,’ Fred commented dryly. ‘Indeed – truly smashing,’ I added. We sat there in silence a little while. ‘I say!’ Fred exclaimed suddenly, ‘Here we are – both bright, young, rebellious pips - and all we’re doing is watching the rain fall!’ ‘I take it you have a better idea formulated then?’ I inquired, sparing my friend a tired look of disdain. ‘Well… no… not exactly,’ he admitted, ‘But I’m sure that we can come up with something! After all – we’re British!’ I thought about that for a moment, ‘Well…’ I began, ‘In that case… fancy a spot of tea?’ ‘Oh! Jolly good! ’ A little while later, we were sitting in the living room, sipping occasionally from our absolutely delicious mugs of tea. ‘You know,’ I began, breaking the silence, ‘I have always wondered… why is that these cats and dogs fall from the sky?’ ‘You know, I’m afraid I have to admit to having never really put a thought to it. How strange! It happens every day but the odd occasion, and I never thought to question its origin!’ ‘Indeed. After all – it really makes no sense at all. Dogs? Cats? Why? Why do dogs and cats fall from the sky? Where do they come from?’ Fred nodded in agreement, ‘And indeed – how do they survive such a great fall? One would think that upon making contact with the Earth, they would expire.’ I thought about that for a moment in a generous silence (excluding, of course, the general background noise of barking, meowing and the rather disturbing panting noise that dogs make whilst having physical relations with one another). ‘I imagine it’s to do with their lives. They have eight of them, doncha know?’ ‘Ah, now that’s not entirely correct.’ Fred disagreed, ‘Cats have eight lives, but dogs do not.’ ‘Why, dear boy – how many lives do dogs have then?’ ‘Just the one.’ ‘ Just the one? ’ ‘Indeed.’ ‘Why, then one would expect them to act a touch more cautiously. Indeed, one would expect the entire to race to be extinct by now.’ ‘I say… is this tea off?’ Fred asked suddenly. ‘No – why do you ask?’ ‘It smells quite frightful.’ Frowning, I walked over and took a deep whiff of his tea, ‘Ah,’ I said, ‘I’m afraid to say that’s not the tea you’re smelling.’ ‘Really? Then, what could it be?’ I grimaced, knowingly, ‘I’m afraid, old chap, that it’s in fact wet dog that you’re smelling.’ Fred shook his head. ‘Dear me. I do so hate it when it rains cats and dogs. My, but I suppose we’ll just have to put up with it.’ ‘Indeed,’ I agreed, sadly, ‘Indeed.’[url][/url]

Sam

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Sun Nov 27, 2005 4:42 am

Sam says... · Sun Nov 27, 2005 4:42 am

'‘My, that one was a doozy,’ Fred commented dryly.
‘Indeed – truly smashing,’ I added. '

HAHAHAHA! And, nice play on words...or that's at least what I think you'd call it.

'‘Oh! Jolly good!’

The forced posh British thing is really good, I have to say. Totally makes the story.

Sorry I didn't get to this earlier, but it was very cool, I have to say. Something amusing to keep me busy. :wink:

Graffiti is the most passionate form of literature there is.

- Demetri Martin

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Jojo

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Points 890

Reviews 94

Wed Dec 07, 2005 12:51 pm

Jojo says... · Wed Dec 07, 2005 12:51 pm

Cats and dogs, right!
I felt it would be about rain but thought I must have been wrong when the cat-dog physical relations came in. I almost jumped out of my skin at the ending.

The Football Freak.

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The bigger the issue, the smaller you write. Remember that. You don’t write about the horrors of war. No. You write about a kid’s burnt socks lying on the road. You pick the smallest manageable part of the big thing, and you work off the resonance.
— Richard Price

"W/C 9/19 Winner" - A Typical British Day

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