Twilight

Twilight

It already smells like night.
The sky is draped with violet and
the hush is sacred, here outside
your place, your haunting ground.
Everyone is long departed.
This twilit interlude is flawed
and desolate, now, in itself.
It's missing half its magic.
The stars may not yet all be out,
but who could count them alone?
I stop for a moment and stand,
leaning on the railing here.
The light will soon be not so perfect
and, with it, the moment gone.
Better to feel the specter of what is missing
like the chill of evening's onset,
achingly sweet, down to my bones,
than to lose it all to the night.
You have been here, today.
You never thought of me, did you?
Now other people's memories remain here, like ghosts,
and some of them are yours.
I can't quite touch them.
If, where you are, you loved
this perfect evening, under this same sky,
that is as close as I can get tonight.
...I must go home.
I take a dusky, star-scented breath
and walk away slowly.
The light is already fading.
Soon it will be night.


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Any and all reviews are much appreciated!

I'm really sorry but I wasn't that taken with your poem. I'm sure lots of others would agree but that's my opinion. I didn't really get that much feeling from it, as in it was difficut for me to understand exactly what was behind it. Was it about a lost love?

Other than that I thought it went together pretty well and there didn't seem to be anything jerky about it, very controlled.

...I must admit, there are a lot of readers on here who would find it difficult to get into this kind of poem. It doesn't really suck you in, like a lot of others try to do...

With that said, you are fortunate that I am not one of those readers haha. I actually think this is quite a read. This is the kind of style I enjoy reading as far as poetry is concerned, because I write very similar to this as well. On the whole, you mispelled a word, I think, and the line where it goes, "...I must go home" was the only line I thought needed to be rewritten, as that it doesn't add to the piece at all, but otherwise this was great.

Just fix those two things, and I think this could be wonderful. Congrats.

Well, I disagree with the first two replies. I LOVED IT!!!!! If you read some of my own stuff, you'll find that this is very much my kind of poetry: you know, the whole melancholy, dreamy, yearning kind of poetry about lost love and such. And twilight is by far my favorite time of day (or night, I suppose). Twilight is beautiful, haunting, mysterious, and magical; and I think you have captured this well in your poem. I can picture the girl in my head, wandering around in the half-light, thinking of the one she has loved and lost. (Please excuse the momentary lapse into cheesy mode.) I love the tone and the imagery; however, the punctuation and capitaliztion could use a little work. Clean that stuff up, and you have a very good poem on your hands.
Hmmm....I might have to buy rights to that....*sneaky grin*

Thank you all so much for reviewing!!

vixeyt, I see where you're coming from, and I appreciate having your opinion. Thanks!