War Speech (Intoxicated)

This is called being bored in an English class.

Now, I know you men are tired from a long day of fighting our enemies and raping your slaves. Luckily I am too tired, stupid and drunk to make this last very long. Heh, heh. That’s what she said.
Anyway, we’ve been fighting this war for, what? Four, five days…? What? Years? Really? Sure we have! And we’ve been winning so far, haven’t we? Hmm?
Oh. Okay, so we’re losing. Boys…it’s not too late to pull this off. We can beat ‘em! We can beat these damn Nazis…Commies…whatever the f—er, whatever those guys are. They make me sick! Mgggkk. Sorry. I had a lot to drink.
We may have fewer soldiers. We may be surrounded on twelve sides. We may be using sawed-off 12-gague shotguns while they’re using laser-aiming semi-automatic combat rifles. But boys, there is one thing our enemies are that we aren’t, something that makes all the difference: we aren’t a bunch of pussies. We can out-brawl, out-drink, and out-screw any ten of those prissy assholes any day. Those ball-grabbing wimps couldn’t take a piss without wetting the front of their pants.
We’re going to win. I will personally rip out the intestines of those cat-humping foreskinned fairies and make a waterbed with ‘em. While they’re busy running around like retarded puppies, we’re preparing for war! They’re sitting over there fondling each other while we’re getting ready to fight! Let’s stomp those greasy Hun-suckers like ants!

um... hmmm. where do i start?

im guessing this guy is a general? in WWI or something like that. then again, with the slave raping it could be the Civil War? haha.... im sort of confused...

i sort of remember listening to our overly animated and histarical history teacher talk about some war like that... where some general was drunk all of the time.

also funny... as i was studying for my AP History test out of this 2-inch thick book, i added stupid comments and stories like these to help me remember. haha.


keep having fun, i guess...

... Wha?
Okay. I liked it. I can say that much. I also liked how you actually used proper grammer while making it sound drunken and sloppy, and I enjoyed the... um... I don't know, your style of writing? The way that you made your topic sound funny without making it all-out idiotic? I could probably go on and on about how much I enjoyed reading this.
If I was in that crowd with those soldiers (besides feeling kind of awkward, because I'm not a guy), I would definitely feel inspired by that speech... unless, of course, I was too tired and intoxicated to string the words together in my mind.
And... ahh. 'That's what she said' jokes. The basis of seventh period social studies class. Good times... good times.
Keep writing, even if you are just halfway dozing off in English class. Spur-of-the-moment writings like that usually end up better than those that are meticulously worked on for months at a time... ugh. I should know.

This is funny! A little confusing..nazis and commies in the same time as slaves?

Overall, your tone fits perfectly for what your putting across, and you managed to do it all with good grammar.

Best part, in my opinion:
"Those ball-grabbing wimps couldn’t take a piss without wetting the front of their pants."

That made me laugh pretty hard.