good,bye

good,bye
By Kisba



Did you run away?
Like the wind, for the hills
as they say...

'Cause when you win,
no violins, skyward chins:
took my aspirations away!

April showers
tread on my flowers,
to neglect my worries
is to lie for hours, and
if i find the time,
i'll get high, shed my superpowers
break water droplet walls,
pretend this life was ours...
if i find the time.

'Cause you ran away--
like the wind in the hills,
today...

k17x wrote:good,bye
By Kisba



Did you run away?
Like the wind, for the hills
as they say... (I like the beginning, it's poetic and to the point.)

'Cause when you win,
no violins, skyward chins:
took my aspirations away! (Um, It's a little jumbled, but it's still good.)

April showers
tread on my flowers,
to neglect my worries
is to lie for hours, and
if i find the time, (Capitalize I)
i'll get high, shed my superpowers (It should be I'll)break water droplet walls,
pretend this life was ours...
if i find the time. (Capitalize I again =])

'Cause you ran away--
like the wind in the hills,
today...

(I like the ending to...it's just as powerful as the begging)

Alrighty, so this was really good. Honestly, I think that if you spent some more time on it, it could be even better. Like, more descriptive words. Maybe how the breeze feels calming on your skin as you lie on the hills, as an example...unless that's not the point you want to get across. Other than that, keep writing! =]

*Peacee*

_Writing for love is a passion_

good. it was a little confusing but very poetic. maybe it was just me but i couldn't figure out what the poem was about. first i thought it was about some kid who ran away from home because of whatever reason. but then maybe it was like a love story/poem.

pretend this life was ours...

sorta lovey like.
but who knows.
the bottom line is that it was a good poem. very poetic and lovely. and it made me think a little.
i like that.
so keep up the good work:)

This poem was heart wrenching. I loved it. There was so much emotion in it and showed real depth. The meaning is powerful and stays with you for awhile. It touched on just about everything. You had very good imagery. I could see everything. Great Job. *Gold Star*