To Me or Not to Me?

3 posts
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Gender Female
Points 1490
Reviews 14
To see or not to see
I only want you?
To know or not to know that I -
undeniably, with the tenacity of steel -
will follow you without regret?
To choose or not to choose
to know and to care and to hold and to cherish?
One cold month without the fire
of five hundred thousand years ago,
I wept in agonizing numbness,
thirty one days of thirty minutes till midnight
just hanging on,
just keeping
without hope of never rotting.
then it was the February of our discontent
which was, of course, better than nothing
though i could not realize it,
being frozen in ice at the time, that
of cynicism and of misanthropy.
and then a chisel Marched through
and harsh sunlight, and brazen flame, and split
me out
of it
rollinginto ajumbledpile on thefloor,
of w e t f l e s h andmeltedskin and dis
comb
obul
ated
eyesand organsand nervesand
suddenly
your needle took the time
to sew me into something recognizable,
though the thread was cloying.
but that sicklysweetnesssmell had faded
by the time
i realized
I was in love with you.
and spring blossomed into
april.
Rachel.
angel.
To love or not to love - after three short months -
after eighteen short years -
I have only been human, but -
to love or not to love
me?
that - this - we - are the question.


-----------------------------------------------------------
Thanks for reading. =)
He said, "Oh yes, you can. Just hold my hand. I think that that would help,"
so I sat with him a while and then I asked him how he felt. He said, "I think I'm cured. In fact, I'm sure. Thank you, stranger, for your therapeutic smile."




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 3925
Reviews 160
Well, that was terrific. I found it a complete pleasure to read, and I haven't read anything quite like that in a while.

The only thing that bothered me was the jumbled part of the poem where the words were starting to smash into each other and stuff. It didn't seem to fit the vibe at that moment. But then again; that is only my opinion. Otherwise, what really blew me away was the pace of this, and how impressive the pace was. You really nailed it. Nicely done.
I'm advertising here: Rosetta...A Determinism of Morality...out May 25th...2010 album of the year, without question.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 15394
Reviews 1464
Hey Frozen! I'm June! Welcome to YWS. :)

That was... quite a poem! I fell in love with the structure at the very beginning, and you did not disappoint me throughout.

I get the feeling of heavy words reading this. It feels as if this is coming from something strong, and it was rather captivating to read.

I noticed that you have a lowercase i in here. I'm not sure if that was stylistic or not, but, I think it should be capitalized, considering that your other I's were all capitalized. Choice is yours.


Krupp mentioned that he didn't like the jumbled words. I, on the other hand, absolutely loved that part. It symbolized a lot more than the words, almost as if something was being connected or was connected-- it was just wonderful to read. Great job on this, dear.

Welcome to YWS. :)

June ;)
"I'd steal somebody's purse if I could google it and then download it." -- Firestarter



Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.
— Lyndon B. Johnson