Wonderful

3 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1175
Reviews 185
It was just supposed to be another project.
Something to help me pass the time.
I was bored,
they called for help,
I answered.
It’s as simple as that.

At the time I felt lost.
I appeared to be alone.
I was scared,
they only smiled,
I smiled back.
Maybe this could be fun.

We were hard pressed.
Only so much time to practice.
I was skeptical,
they were reassuring,
I continued to play along.
It wasn’t over yet.

Finally it was here.
The big night of the performance.
I felt nervous,
they seemed ready,
I played with courage.
Everything came together well.

At last it was done.
My heart now at ease.
I was tired,
they were fired up,
I kept on pushing without a moments breath.
I felt at home.

People were cheering.
Everyone took a bow.
I had watched it all,
they were beautiful,
I looked on with admiration.
Just one word...

Wonderful.
Last edited by piepiemann22 on Tue Apr 14, 2009 12:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I will always fight back, no matter what.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2527
Reviews 141
This was good. Just two little things I noticed:

Firstly, the beginning of every line has to be capitalized, even if you're continuing a sentence.

Secondly, the flow and all of that was good, until you got to the second to last stanza. The flow and rhythm were good, just the number of lines changed. You have twelve lines, so I would just separate it into two stanzas, and then all shall be right in the world of this poem. Good job!
So it goes.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 51
This is a great piece! I loved how you maintained a sense of mystery from start to finish. Only one minor suggestion.
You should put "wonderful" on a separate line. That way it would have more emphasis and end the poem stronger.
Overall, great job!
"There is nothing impossible to him who will try."-Alexander the Great



Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna lay down and become a tomato for a while.
— RokitaVivi