Its Kind Of A Funny Story ch 2.

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I woke up to the sound of laughing, and a blender. I walked downstairs, and there was my moms assistant, Charlie. He didn't see me when he walked into the kitchen, so I just trailed behind him.
“Good morning sunshine!” My mom yelled, with the hugest smile on her face.

“Hey mom. What are you making?”

Charlie had a lisp, and he was gay, but he was really funny. “Margaritas. Want one?” He winked and laughed, turning the blender on to mix more drinks.

“Sure.” I laughed as Charlie put one in my hand. I found it incredible that my mom would let me drink.

My mom looked at me and smiled. “As long as I'm around.”

“Did I say what I was thinking out loud or something?” I laughed again, taking a sip of the margarita.

“Honey, its written on your face, like, twenty-four-seven!” Charlie yelled, grabbing two margaritas, handing one my mom, and taking a swig from his own glass.

“So, what are we celebrating?”

“Honey, I got a raise!” My mom screamed!

“For what?”

“There are too many details.” She started dancing around, drinking her margarita whilst doing so.

“Its because your mama kicks ass!” Charlie screamed, dancing with my mom.

I laughed and put the margarita down. “Alright. Well I'm going to Dani's house.”

“Alright, have fun, love muffin.” My mom said, kissing me on the cheek.

“Don't do anything crazy!” Charlie screamed with enthusiasm.

“Alright, alright.” I waved them off.

On the walk over to Dani's house, I thought of the unusual relationship Dani and I had.

Although, we were kind of forced together, and usually people would think that kids forced together don't get along, Dani and I became friends. I pretended to like Dani at first, but then I actually started opening up to her. I don't remember why or how but one day when we were five she was just my best friend, and its been like that ever since.

We did everything together. We laughed together, cried together, went to the same school, we ate the same things, we loved the same movies, we thought the same guys were cute, and we both had unsupervised houses all of the time.

The only thing that is different is that Dani is popular, and everyone likes her, and no one likes me. Its probably the fact that I'm sarcastic and don't like talking to people that turns them off.

Dani tried to get me to talk to some of her friends, but I never really liked them. They were too self-centered, and flaunted their money like idiots. Dani even tried to get me to throw a party once.

It would work, too. Especially since my dad leaves me three credit cards, a house full of cars, a huge empty estate due to the fact that my mom and dad gone all of the time, and with the ability to get booze, some drugs, and a great stereo system.

It would seem like a great life. A teenagers dream, right?

Wrong.

I don't really give a damn about my social life. Its great and all, until someone stabs you in the back, then its not so great. The lying and faking part is what really gives me a bad feeling.

Its happened before, and if I ever open up the way I did, it will happen again, and its just all too much to bear. So, no. Life the way I have it isn't so great.

I didn't understand how people could be cruel and conniving to begin with, that's why I wasn't open to new people in my life at first, but Dani was genuinely honest and nice. Sometimes she was sarcastic and she could be out-of-the-norm (for her), but she was still awesome, and I just loved her.

Another great thing about her is that she accepts me and understands my trust issues, and the reason why I don't have any friends besides her and my boyfriend. She understands the reason why I don't use a lot of my parents money. She understands my desire to leave this hell-hole and find a new place to live, where people weren't so cruel and deceitful. I never had that kind of mutual understanding with people. But it was different with Dani. Her, and sometimes Vance.

Vance, he was just something else. I didn't want to call him to apologize for getting angry at him last night, but that would mean telling him what I did. What I did not out of anger, but out of pure...desire. He would be so mad, but I had to tell him.

Maybe.

I stopped walking to search my pockets, but conveniently, I forgot my phone.

I laughed to myself a little, thinking of ways I could tell Vance that I cheated on him, but all that I could think about his how we met.

Here's the story:

Once upon a time Dani was absent from school. This meant I was sitting alone at lunch on the grass, reading a book.

This guy named Vance, who I knew as a goth kid, was sitting a little ways from me.

I looked at him and I noticed that he was reading the same book as I was.

He looked up from his book to look at me.

I looked away, trying to avoid his gaze, but it didn't work because he came and sat in front of me.

"Goth boy." I said in a monotone voice.

"The name is Vance."

"I'm aware. What do you want?"

"To talk to you."

"Why?" I asked, putting down my book. "Go away, please."

"You seem so lonely, though, sunshine." He smiled a beautiful smile at me.

"Not really. I have Charles Dickens to keep me company." I shot at him.

He chuckled. "I'm sure." He winked.

Pervert, I thought.

“Whats your name?” He asked, fluttering his eyelashes.

"You know it." I growled.

"What? No I don't. I've never even met you.” Sarcasm.

"I've known you since Middle School. You're name is Vance and mine is Bridget, and the only reason I remember you is because I thought you were cute."

"What, I'm not cute now?" He put his hand on his chin and made a face.

"Take away the black, and lay off of the eyeliner, and maybe there will be slight improvement, but I don't think you can take that thing on your face."

"Whats that?"

"Well its right here" I pointed to his forehead, "here" his cheeks, "here" his chin, "here" his nose, "and just about everywhere else."

"Really now? What is it?" He started to wipe his face.

"Ugly." I smiled and looked at my book again.

"I'm not ugly. You are. You have a fake tan and your skinny, not to mention you have no boobs, and thin lips. The only thing you have is a...wait...you don't have a personality either."

"Good one." I rolled my eyes.

"You're one strange girl. Anyone else would have slapped me."

"Oh, but that's just it. I'm different from anyone else you have ever met. I may be ugly to you, but I can get a way better looking guy than you looking the way I look, so I'm not all that worried about what you say."

"Ooh, touché, Bridget. But keep in mind that we all know that you are filthy stinking rich, and “we” includes guys in this school, which means that they are going to be with you for that reason, and that reason alone."

Okay, this wasn't our first meeting ever. He had done this to me every other day for the past month. In these meetings he would insult me, and proceed to tell me that he likes me and gives me reasons to like him. He gave some darn good reasons, too.

So, I was being buttered up by this Vance guy.

"And you won't be with me for those reasons?" I grinned.

"Nope." He said, popping the "p." He grinned back. "Only for the hot sex you'll give me."

"You wish." I rolled my eyes and stood up.

He stood up too, to try and stop me from going. "Its over already?"

I sighed. "Tell you what. One date. I know you know where I live, so pick me up at eight and take me anywhere. Or we can just hang out at my house, but nothing will happen, so don't try anything or else." I said with a snap.

"I like them feisty." He winked. "Your place it is."

Skipping to the end, we made out, we dated for a while, he finally asked me out, and you know the rest. Ever since I said yes we have been fighting non-stop.

Dani's house was right in front of me now.
A word is not the same with one writer as with another. One tears it from his guts. The other pulls it out of his overcoat pocket. ~Charles Peguy




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Peanut here to review!

My mom yelled, with the hugest smile on her face.


I would use a different word other than 'hugest'... it really isn't a great word to use when trying to be descriptive, and it is definitely not a word I would use in a story.

“There are too many details.” She started dancing around, drinking her margarita whilst doing so.


'Whilst'... not a bad descriptive word, but not good in this case. You are trying to be funny, no? Well 'whilst' is a very old, classic word. You should only use this word in older settings, or in a different format of writing, at least. Not to mention, it completely messes with the fluency.

“Its because your mama kicks ass!”


Its should have an apostrophe before the 's'

“Alright, have fun, love muffin.”


Ha ha... love muffin? :lol:

I don't remember why or how but one day when we were five she was just my best friend, and its been like that ever since.


Hmm... I would do some serious work with this sentence.
I get what you were obviously trying to say; I see the point of this sentence being here. But! It should be something more like this;
"I don't remember how, or why, but one day when we were five, I realized that she was my best friend. It has been just like that ever since."

See the differences? I think it helps much!

Its probably the fact that I'm sarcastic and don't like talking to people that turns them off.


Apostrophe after the 't' in it's.

Its great and all, until someone stabs you in the back, then its not so great.


Remember those darn apostrophes! I would also add an 'and' before 'then'.

Its happened before, and if I ever open up the way I did, it will happen again, and its just all too much to bear.


Apostrophes, apostrophes, apostrophes!!! I won't say it anymore, I just want you to remember! Also, didn't she already say that she opened up to Dani? This sentence sort of contradicts that...

and the reason why I don't have any friends besides her and my boyfriend.


So a sociably- crippled person has a boyfriend? That makes almost no sense! To have a big relationship like that, don't you need to be open? Again, all this contradicts everything else you are saying.

We did everything together. We laughed together, cried together, went to the same school, we ate the same things, we loved the same movies, we thought the same guys were cute, and we both had unsupervised houses all of the time.

The only thing that is different is that Dani is popular, and everyone likes her, and no one likes me. Its probably the fact that I'm sarcastic and don't like talking to people that turns them off.

Dani tried to get me to talk to some of her friends, but I never really liked them. They were too self-centered, and flaunted their money like idiots. Dani even tried to get me to throw a party once.

It would work, too. Especially since my dad leaves me three credit cards, a house full of cars, a huge empty estate due to the fact that my mom and dad gone all of the time, and with the ability to get booze, some drugs, and a great stereo system.

It would seem like a great life. A teenagers dream, right?

Wrong.

I don't really give a damn about my social life. Its great and all, until someone stabs you in the back, then its not so great. The lying and faking part is what really gives me a bad feeling.

Its happened before, and if I ever open up the way I did, it will happen again, and its just all too much to bear. So, no. Life the way I have it isn't so great.

I didn't understand how people could be cruel and conniving to begin with, that's why I wasn't open to new people in my life at first, but Dani was genuinely honest and nice. Sometimes she was sarcastic and she could be out-of-the-norm (for her), but she was still awesome, and I just loved her.

Another great thing about her is that she accepts me and understands my trust issues, and the reason why I don't have any friends besides her and my boyfriend. She understands the reason why I don't use a lot of my parents money. She understands my desire to leave this hell-hole and find a new place to live, where people weren't so cruel and deceitful. I never had that kind of mutual understanding with people. But it was different with Dani. Her, and sometimes Vance.

Vance, he was just something else. I didn't want to call him to apologize for getting angry at him last night, but that would mean telling him what I did. What I did not out of anger, but out of pure...desire. He would be so mad, but I had to tell him.


OK, it took you all this time just to tell us that. Why don't you try showing us that? At least some of it! It seems like you just drone on, and on, and on, and on...
which brings me to my next point.
I think you spoke way too much of her friends and and herself. It drones! Drones, I tell you! Also, sort of like I said before, you should show us your characters personality, not just flat- out tell us!

I laughed to myself a little, thinking of ways I could tell Vance that I cheated on him, but all that I could think about his how we met.


You are making her personality go all over the place. You said she was sociably retarded (in the definition of slow), and now she has, not only a boyfriend, but she has cheated on said boyfriend with another guy? Stop that!

Here's the story:


Oh, no. No, no, no. I would never, ever say that. Plus, this is actually making me dread reading further because you can tell by the way you phrase this that this section of the story will also drone... a definite no. You should be making people want to read more, not be afriad that it will keep droning! I'm so sorry, so sorry, if I am being too harsh, or mean right now, but I am just speaking what I think should be done.

Once upon a time Dani was absent from school.


Another no, no. I wouldn't use the term 'Once upon a time'. Only little kid books do that... and some comedy stories. This doesn't seem much like comedy.

I may be ugly to you, but I can get a way better looking guy than you looking the way I look, so I'm not all that worried about what you say.


A bit of confusing dialogue in there... :(

we dated for a while, he finally asked me out,


I'm pretty sure the asking out comes before the dating...

I think this little tidbit could have been much, much better... remember those darn apostrophes! I'm sorry if I was harsh, I was just speaking my mind... you can PM me if I made any mistakes, or if you want to tell me how I can make my reviews better. (Besides telling me not to be harsh... I am normally not as harsh as this; sorry :( )

If you are continuing this, you definitely need to brush up.

Good luck! :)
Have a peanut =)

Try your hand at my poetry contest!

Proud LGBT supporter.




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LOL no its fine!
This is not the original, actually. My friend and I are doing a co-story thing and I don't want to post what she writes on here, so I had to add stuff to shape around her chapter.

And about her personality, I know, its odd. Its not that shes socially retarded, its just that she doesn't want friends. And her and Vance dated forever before they actually got together. She wanted another person on her life, which I explain next chapter (which I will also have do mold -.-)

I'm not all that great about showing personality like that. I think I was okay in the first chapter though.

And, the girl is thinking all of this.

Maybe I should just make her think less >.<

You're not too harsh, you were just right!
Thank you:]
A word is not the same with one writer as with another. One tears it from his guts. The other pulls it out of his overcoat pocket. ~Charles Peguy



It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
— Walt Disney