The Reaper's Heart

The Reaper's Heart

I

A long, long time ago, on a mountain ruled by Time
Lived a Woman, fair and radiant, but not of Flesh or Mind,
But rather of the Heart was She, and Her Heart belonged to Him --
The Lord of Death, the Ferryman, The Reaper grey and grim.

Now Death was quite intrigued by Her for Others treated Him
With Hate and Fear and Apathy -- all Negative akin --
But The Woman gave to Him a gift that none did grant before --
She gave to Him Her Love; She gave Him Love, and more.

II

Her Time of Death did come and go, and yet, She still remained
Untouched by Passing Time for out of Its domain She'd strayed.
But Time did not release Its hold completely over Her,
And as the years grew long and dim, a toll It did confer

Upon Her; though Her Flesh and Mind and Soul would not decay,
Her Heart alone of all of these was held under Time's sway,
And as the years grew longer still, She gave of it to Him --
But He had no heart with which to give back what He'd take in.

III

And thus, The Woman's Heart did pass on because it was alone,
And thus, The Reaper gained a Heart at cost of His Beloved's own.
The Reaper wanders now the world in search of those who die in pain;
A second chance He grants them to make their peace ere He comes again.

The whole of "I" is absolutely amazing, loved that bit.

Hello!


Nice poem you have here! I love the idea, and it sounded great!!! It reminded me as a folklore or an ancient myth or something from a story. ^_^ Good job.

Plus, Dan, I think she meant those as Roman numerals. Perhaps as movements? Unless that's what you thought, and sorry, if I got you wrong.

A few nitpicks though!

Nitpicks!!

The Reaper grey and grim.

Comma after Reaper.

Death was quite intrigued by Her for Others treated Him

Comma after her.

what He'd take in

I think you meant taken? Not take in?

peace ere He comes again.

Comma after peace. And I'm not sure if you meant here as "ere" or "ere" because if it's the latter then it should be 'ere.


Hmmm, I think it was great! But in effort to give you a better review I'll go on.


You tend to use lots of "ands"
For example :

Hate and Fear and Apathy

And:

Her Flesh and Mind and Soul

Normally, I'd say use comma's but I think the "ands" give the poem a different vibe to it and you already have a lot of commas.

Perhaps put more imagery in it? It's kind of hard with this point of view but... I think it will make it better.

The capitalizations. You put a lot of those, but I'm not sure why. For ex.:

Flesh or Mind

Or:

The

I don't know... That's may just be me...


Anyways, great job on this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hope this helped, PM me if you have any questions, etc...
~Storm

Glad you both enjoyed it.

I think you meant taken? Not take in?

No. I meant "take in." He is taking in her love like a black hole takes in light, or like a vacuum cleaner takes in dust.

And I'm not sure if you meant here as "ere" or "ere" because if it's the latter then it should be 'ere.

I meant "ere" as in "before." I'm fairly certain it doesn't need an apostrophe...

Normally, I'd say use comma's but I think the "ands" give the poem a different vibe to it and you already have a lot of commas.

I love my commas; yes, I do. XD

Mainly, the ands are in there for the sake of the poem's rhythm.

The capitalizations. You put a lot of those, but I'm not sure why.

In this case, it was more of a stylistic thing. I was going for an older feel, and as it was common about a century ago to capitalize nouns that embodied important concepts in a work, I capitalized those words accordingly. I think I may have over-capitalized a bit, though... XD

I capitalized "the" whenever it was part of a title, just like you capitalize "president" or "king" whenever referring to a specific president or king (ie. King Richard and President Lincoln).

This is beautiful, it has everything I'd like to have in my own writing. (check out my writing if you please)

this paricular poem is rather similar to a pair of characters in my book.

The Godess of Life falls out of love with the Lord of Death and falls in Love with the lord of Destruction, and have a child which will become the new Creator.

(I've been working really hard on this book and it's coming along well, I've already gotten it copyrighted)


I love you

keep writing.

I never really got the whole "critiquing writers" thing because, well, isn't it what the words mean that count, not the grammar?

Anyways, your poem moved me!
There were a lot of capitalizations, though. Kind of reminded me of the book Paper Towns (if you've read it, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.)

Good work