Save Me From Myself

4 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 6
It's not wrong
You just can't see it
The way I see it
If you opened you eyes
You would agree
You would agree with me.
You'd see that I was right
I'm always right.

But I'm not.
My words flow thoughtless
Thrown out wildly at anyone
Anything for any reason
I argue for arguments sake
I don't believe these words
They come from my own mouth
Still they are not mine

Stop me
Pull me out of this foolishness
The ridiculousness of the situation is killing me
I start to hate myself
I trust myself no longer
I won't speak, because I won't be right
Can't be right
Close my mouth before I say another word
Constrain me, restrain me
Do something
Just...
Help




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1490
Reviews 14
I don't know. It seems slightly choppy at times - the beginning stanza is hesitant and broken for I don't know what reason, but that reason is not illuminated as the lines become longer. The line "The ridiculousness of the situation is killing me" is slightly ridiculous itself as it has such an outlandish number of syllables.

Also, since the beginning stanza's idea is rejected as soon as it is put out there, it seems slightly extraneous. I don't know what you could do about that.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 6
The reason why the first stanza is rejected is because I know what I do is wrong and so it's easy to reject it. My focus on the poem was not on me being right, but my battle within myself. I'll have a look at the choppiness of the first stanza so thanks for the review
The only things worth finding are hard to look for




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 2926
Reviews 122
hmmm.... I say it was really good! especially if you would turn this into a lyric and have some melody for it. I liked the emotions and the theme of the poem but I think you need to repeat words less and rhyme more also I think you need to add more punctuation to show how you feel such as the period or the exclamation mark.
Blood is red
But Heaven is blue
The Devil will fined out
And take you



Have you met a cow or another large animal?
— Liminality