Heart of Sorrow Chap 2

The study was a dark and forbidding place. The sun at set upon the outside world and the fire created a soft glow of light against the eerie shadow that seemed to caress the room. The wind howled and the lone window shock with such ferocity that it was as if some fell creature was barred entry, but refused to leave.
Tom stood looming in front of the fire place, a warm glow setting upon his face. He spook without turning, a hint of anger in his voice, “What is it you want from me?”
Mathias sat behind Tom at the table, a cup of tea in his hand. Taking a sip he answered cheerfully, “Ah, the tea is exquisite.” He took a large whiff of the air while putting the cup on the table, “What a lovely aroma, are you burning hickory?”
Tom spun around and slammed is hands onto the table yelling, “Don’t change the subject! What do you want from me?!”
“Easy, easy,” said the angel putting his hands up, “Answers will come in time. Why not take a seat and have some tea?” He motioned towards the cup.
Tom smacked the cup causing it to fall and shatter. He grabbed the angel by the collar and pulled him in close, “I want answers, not your witty remarks!”
Just as Tom was going to say more two white wings suddenly burst out from under the man’s shirt causing it to tear. Tom had no time to be shocked because Mathias grabbed him by the neck and slammed him into the wall above the mantle knocking the wind out of him, the two of them hovering in mid-air. Tom’s expression had gone from the incarnation of hatred to that of a terrified child living one of it’s horrible nightmares.
“Listen to me Tom; I’m not the kind of person you want to mess with. I’m not the bad guy here, but,” he tightened his grip around Tom’s neck causing him to gasp for air, “I’m not about to sit here and be pushed around by a mere mortal like yourself.” He pulled him away from the wall and let go causing Tom to land on his knees. He knelt there gasping for air while Mathias sat back down.
Tom looked at the figure. Still on his knees wheezing, he pondered what he had gotten himself into, what the hell was that? This man, this man is dangerous. What do I do now?
“Won’t you take a seat?” Mathias motioned for the arm chair.
Tom flinched as he waved his arm and for a second there was a pause. Without really thinking he got up and sat down. Tom jumped one last time as he noticed Mathias’s wings were gone, though he took his eyes off of him for only a moment or two.
“Now you wished to know what I want from you.” Tom nodded his head. “I want nothing from you; I came here to help you.” Tom looked confused and Mathias sighed while pulling a journal out of what looked like thin air, “What is it you desire most?”
“Why don‘t you tell me?” Asked Tom more curious now then frightened.
Mathias smiled, “Ha, answering a question with a question a question, I like that. So I’ll respond with another, do you even know what you want most?” Tom thought a moment while Mathias wrote something down in the journal, again acquiring a pencil from this nothingness. His grin began to grow larger, “Elena.”
Tom’s eyes grew wide with shock, “How did you…”
“Know.” He shut the book and set it on the table next to him. “Do you know what that is?” Tom shook his head no. “Well, I’ll tell you a bit of valuable information. The Book of Sorrows as the ability to read people.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Always interrupting,” Mathias sighed before continuing, “It has the ability to dig into a person’s deepest darkest emotions and reveal secrets otherwise left hidden. For example, I wanted to what you desired most. I wrote your name, first and last, in the book and then wrote the question ‘deepest desire.’ It answered by showing the name Elena.”
He picked up the book and tossed it to Tom who caught in awkwardly, “Why are you giving me this? What use could I have for it?”
“Ah now we get to the reason as to why I’m here, why I came to help you. It’s simple really,” There was a pause as Mathias’s face grew stern and his tone serious, “Elena’s soul never made it to heaven.”
Tom jumped out of his seat, “Excuse me, but what the hell do you mean she didn’t make it to heaven?”
The angel looked away from Tom’s glare, “You still don’t know how she died do you? Why she was found in the park cut to ribbons by some unknown weapon and no suspect was ever found?”
Tom took a step forward shaking with anticipation for the answer he thought to come. For years he had searched for an answer. For years he had prayed, but none of them ever seemed answered. Now he was finally going to find out the conclusion to the mystery that had been plaguing him for nearly a year.
Mathias turned to face him now, and evil look in his eye, “She was killed by a demon.”
Tom froze in shock, “A…a demon killed…” he closed his eyes as he started to shed tears and cry silently, but soon he stopped shaking. Slowly he lowered his head so his bangs hid his face. He violently clenched his right hand, “How can I get her back?” Mathias watched a moment as Tom raised his head, the fire of determination in his eyes, “What would you have me do?”
Mathias looked at Tom’s clenched fist. It was turning white. For some reason this made him smile, He no longer has any fear and all doubt seems to be whipped from his mind. Pointing at the book in Tom’s left hand, “I told you the basics to the Book of Sorrow. Tell who you wish, but know this,” he paused as he walked over to the window and opened it, “In three days time your life will change forever.” With that said Mathias the Angel leaped out the window and disappeared into the darkness.
Tom stood looking out the window, the Book of Sorrow in his hand. As a cool breeze blew in cool the sweat upon his brow he looked up into the night sky finding a single star shimmering through the dark heavens above, “God watch over me.”

Hello Tony. I'm just going to critique the beginning of this today. (Don't worry, I'll critique the rest later).

The study was a dark and forbidding place.

This was where I got bored. That's right, the first sentence.
First sentences usually should somehow tell the reader that something is going to happen. By hinting at change, you hook the reader.
Part of the problem with this sentence is you use the verb "was." This tells me that nothing drastic is happening. It tells me that the only thing worth noticing is how dark the study is.
Okay, so this sets the mood of the scene, but it doesn't tell me that something is going to happen. Don't start by setting the mood, but rather, start by setting the scene. After the reader sees that something is going on, THEN you establish the mood.

The sun at set upon the outside world and the fire created a soft glow of light against the eerie shadow that seemed to caress the room.

Yikes. This sentence is rather long, (it looks like a run-on to me). By the time I'm done reading, I've forgotten what the beginning of the sentence was about.
Short sentences are better, in my opinion. They are easier to read. They take less time. They are easier to digest, and besides, they don't scare the reader.
(I also noticed a few typos in your sentence above).

The wind howled and the lone window shock with such ferocity that it was as if some fell creature was barred entry, but refused to leave.

Same deal. (And I see another typo... 'shock' should be 'shook'). This sentence is too long, in my opinion.
Also, this sentence risks totally confusing, (or losing), the reader. The reason? You use a simile where it is not needed.

The entire part:

as if some fell creature was barred entry, but refused to leave.

is not needed. Okay, so the idea that there is a creature sounds cool, but it's not real. You risk confusing the readers. Besides, it doesn't help the reader imagine the wind howling.
I would rewrite this sentence to say something like: 'Outside, the wind howled. The window shook.'

Beware of similes and metaphors in storytelling. Good similes and metaphors give us a clear image. Bad similes and metaphors make us think of something completely irrelevant. I usually avoid similes and metaphors entirely, because even good ones can produce an undesired effect.

Take this simile for example:

'His mind was like a city without people.'

Technically, this is a good simile. It is thought provoking. It is intriguing. But this isn't poetry, this is storytelling. I still wouldn't use the simile, because it makes us think of a city, not 'his mind.'

My point: avoid using similes and metaphors in storytelling.

Also, don't be afraid to make your paragraphs shorter. You're allowed to have one-sentence paragraphs, or even one-word paragraphs.
You're allowed.

Tom stood looming in front of the fire place, a warm glow setting upon his face.

I can picture this better than your entire first paragraph. You're focusing on one thing, Tom, (instead of the room, the wind, the sunset, the window, etc.)

He spook without turning,

Typo

“What is it you want from me?”

In my opinion, this should be the first sentence of this paragraph. Heck, it should be the first sentence of this chapter.
It hints at change. It tells us about the character. It gives us a hint of what's going on, but it doesn't tell us everything. It hints at change, hooking the readers.

So I would begin your chapter like this:

“What is it you want from me?” Tom stood looming in front of the fire place, a warm glow setting upon his face.

The study was dark and forbidding.

(insert a paragraph about Tom here)

Outside, the wind howled. The window shook.

Notice the difference? By the way, I didn't include 'a hint of anger in his voice,' because I didn't think it was needed. Your word choice was strong enough to stand by itself. You don't usually need to describe dialogue.
(I also left out 'place,' because the word was used in the previous sentence).

Don't be afraid to have short paragraphs. Don't be afraid to have short sentences.

Another thing you could do is use incomplete sentences to establish the setting. For example:

The study. A dark and forbidding place.

“What is it you want from me?” Tom stood looming in front of the fire place, a warm glow setting upon his face.

...and then go from there.

Be careful how you begin. You want to impress the reader. You want to make them read your story. You want to hook them, grip them, and cease to let them go.
Otherwise, their mind might wander. They might think of something else. Once that happens, your story doesn't stand a chance, no matter how good it is.

I hope this helped.

I'll critique the rest of this chapter later, (probably tomorrow).

Until then, keep writing.

Thanks, I'll have time to look over the chapters over the next few days and I'll get them patched up.

Hello again. I've critiqued half of this so far.


Here is half of the critique:

What do you want from me?!”

You don't need the multiple punctuation. This isn't a comic strip!?!!!?!!!#$@#%#$^

I like how Mathias tries to change the subject, by the way. It makes the reader keep reading.

Answers will come in time.

I would take this sentence out. Nothing is wrong with it, except it makes the angel less mysterious. It makes it seem like the angel doesn't know the answer to Tom's question. It's as if the angel doesn't know what he wants with Tom. But if you take the sentence out, it seems like Mathias is changing the subject again, making him seem like he's hiding something.

Tom smacked the cup

I would use a different verb. The words 'Tom smacked' gives me the image of Tom slapping someone.
I would reword it to say something like: 'Tom slammed the cup down'
I'm picky when it comes to word choice.

Just as Tom was going to say more

This is unnecessary, and it slows down the story. I would delete it.

two white wings suddenly burst out from under the man’s shirt causing it to tear.

Ah, word order is the issue here. The biggest problem is you don't mention the shirt tearing until the end of the sentence. What you want to do is reorder your words, so the reader reads the words in the order that it happened.
In other words, reorder the sentence.
'Two white wings' should go at the end of the sentence, because it should receive the most emphasis.
'Suddenly' is not needed. Avoid using the word 'suddenly.'
'From under the man's shirt' should be at the beginning of the sentence, because that's what the reader should focus on first.
'causing it to tear' should come after the 'man's shirt,' because we have to see the shirt before we see it tear.
So, to put everything in the correct order, the sentence would end up something like this:
'From under the man's shirt, causing it to tear, burst forth two white wings.'
Now, in terms of how it sounds, the above sentence still is terrible.
Now that I have reordered the sentence, I would reword it.
So the final product would look something like this:
'The man's shirt tore, and from it burst forth two white wings.'

Tom had no time to be shocked

Then don't mention it.

Mathias grabbed him by the neck and slammed him into the wall above the mantle knocking the wind out of him, the two of them hovering in mid-air.

This, as a sentence, is good... but a little long for my liking. I would separate it into several short sentences.

For example:

Mathias grabbed him by the neck. Shoving him above the mantle, slamming him into the wall, the two of them hovered in mid-air. Tom gasped, hardly able to breathe.

That's just an example.

Tom’s expression had gone from the incarnation of hatred to that of a terrified child living one of it’s horrible nightmares.

With this sentence, you take way to long to describe Tom's expression. Tom could have died by the time we're done reading it. You also use a semi-metaphor, (technically it's not a metaphor), and you compare Tom's expression to a terrified child. Beware of metaphors and similes, and any other kind of comparison for that matter.
Another big problem with this sentence is the tense. You use the word 'had,' which means you're telling us something that already happened. This is bad. It slows down the action, because you're pausing to fill us in on the details we missed.
And yet another problem with this sentence, (contributing to the length), is that you use too many prepositional phrases.
The following are all prepositional phrases
'from the incarnation'
'of hatred'
'to that'
'of a terrified child'
'of its horrible nightmares'
Prepositional phrases aren't bad, but too many of them can create wordiness.
So, for all of the above reasons, I would simply delete the sentence.

I’m not the bad guy here

Let us decide that. The readers are allowed to be wrong.

he tightened his grip around Tom’s neck causing him to gasp for air,

Shorten this. Either reword it, or split it up into several sentences.

I’m not about to sit here and be pushed around by a mere mortal like yourself.”

Reword this, making it more direct. (Notice the words: "be pushed around," emphasis on "be.") Turn this into a command. Make it active, not passive. Instead of "I" being the subject, make "You" be the subject.
In other words,
"Don't push me around" is stronger than "I won't be pushed around."
Avoid using the passive voice. For stronger sentences, use active, not passive.

he pondered what he had gotten himself into, what the hell was that?

This is slightly confusing. I would delete it. You use the word 'what' twice in one sentence. And what is "that" referring to?

This man, this man is dangerous.

I like this sentence.

Without really thinking

Take out the word 'really.' Avoid unnecessary adverbs.

Tom jumped one last time as he noticed Mathias’s wings were gone,

This either needs to be reworded, or it needs a new verb.

Tom jumped

What does this make you think of?

one last time

When did he jump earlier?

as he noticed

This tells me the words are out of order.

were gone

I don't like the word 'were.' Maybe 'disappeared' might sound better.

he took his eyes off of him for only a moment or two.

HE took HIS eyes off of HIM. Too many pronouns. This leads to confusion. Who is doing what?
Also, the words 'or two' are not needed.

I'll get the rest of this critique to you shortly.

Here it is, the rest of the critique:

“Now you wished to know what I want from you.”

This is slightly awkward. I'd reword it or take it out. Something simpler, like 'You think I want something from you?' could work.

Tom nodded his head. “I want nothing from you;

Tom isn't speaking, so he shouldn't be mentioned in this paragraph. If you want to mention Tom nodding his head, split this paragraph into several paragraphs.

For example:

“You know what I want from you?”

(Insert paragraph about Tom's actions here).

"I want nothing. I came here..."

And then go from there.

If someone is speaking, don't put another character in that same paragraph. Doing so can cause confusion.

“Why don‘t you tell me?” Asked Tom more curious now then frightened.

Hmmm... if "Why don't you tell me," is a statement, then rephrase it so it sounds like one.
For example, it could be: "Maybe you should tell me."
Otherwise, the reader could read it as a question, which leads to confusion and misinterpretation.

“Ha, answering a question with a question a question, I like that. So I’ll respond with another

I'm not sure if I like this or not. What kind of character do you want Mathias to be? Powerful? Pleasant? Scary? Crazy? Emotionless? Mysterious?
Keep in mind that dialogue defines characters. What they say should be consistent with who they are.

Tom thought a moment while Mathias wrote something down in the journal, again acquiring a pencil from this nothingness. His grin began to grow larger, “Elena.”

Character confusion. You have two characters in the same paragraph. Not good. Focus on one character at a time. If you need to, break it up into several different paragraphs.
What I'm saying is, Tom and Mathias can't be in the same paragraph. Otherwise, we might think Tom is speaking when Mathias is speaking, and vice versa.
Keeping characters in their own paragraphs allows you to control which character the reader is focusing on.

Basically, with two characters, the paragraphs should be arranged something like this:

(Paragraph about the setting; includes any changes to the setting)

(Paragraph about Mathias; includes any dialogue, thought, or actions by Mathias)

(Paragraph about Tom; includes any dialogue, thought, or actions by Tom)

(Paragraph about setting)

(Paragraph about Mathias)

(Paragraph about Tom)... etc.

And so on. The paragraphs can be in any order, but you want to alternate between the setting, the first character, and the second character.

Keep in mind that your paragraphs can be short.

“Do you know what that is?” Tom shook his head no. “Well, I’ll tell you a bit of valuable information. The Book of Sorrows as the ability to read people.”

Same deal. Keep characters in separate paragraphs.
(Also, I noticed a type in the last sentence: 'as' should be 'has')

For example, I wanted to what you desired most.

To what? I think you mean: "I wanted to know what..."

“Elena’s soul never made it to heaven.”

Hmm... this is good... assuming that souls exist. (And assuming that heaven exists). I'll get back to this.

“You still don’t know how she died do you? Why she was found in the park cut to ribbons by some unknown weapon and no suspect was ever found?”

ooo... This could have more power if we, the readers, learn this some way other than dialogue.
Perhaps, in the beginning, have a scene with her death?
Or perhaps, have a scene in which her body is found?
Those are just ideas.

with anticipation for the answer he thought to come.

Too many prepositional phrases. This could be shortened.

For years he had prayed, but none of them ever seemed answered.

But none of 'them'... Change 'them' to 'his prayers,' and it will be easier to understand.

“She was killed by a demon.”

Intriguing.

Tom froze in shock, “A…a demon killed…” he closed his eyes as he started to shed tears and cry silently

First of all, the story would become more believable if Tom doesn't believe in demons.
That way, you can prove him wrong... and prove the reader wrong if he has the same opinion.
The same could be true with angels. Not everyone believes in angels, so if Tom doesn't believe, then more readers could relate to this story.

Also, I think it would make more sense of Tom doesn't believe Mathias. It would make the story more intense if Tom doesn't trust Mathias.

Slowly he lowered his head so his bangs hid his face.

'Bangs' is usually used as a verb, so I would reword this to say something like: '...so his hair hid his eyes.'

“How can I get her back?”

Who says he can? It isn't believable to have Tom think of this by himself.

“What would you have me do?”

I don't think Tom should trust Mathias. It would make the story more... interesting.

For some reason

Beware of unnecessary words.

He no longer has any fear and all doubt seems to be whipped from his mind.

'has'... 'seems'... With this sentence, you went from the past tense to the present tense. Or should I say, you go from the past tense to the present...
Keep your story in the same tense.

Pointing at the book in Tom’s left hand, “I told you the basics to the Book of Sorrow. Tell who you wish, but know this,” he paused as he walked over to the window and opened it, “In three days time your life will change forever.”

Who is doing what? Pronouns and dialogue. Two characters in the same paragraph. This leads to confusion.

I wonder where this is going. Not bad.
As to the whole thing about the demon... what exactly is a demon? How does a demon kill someone?
Until you answer these questions to the reader, Tom shouldn't believe Mathias.

Be careful not to make demons or angels seem cliche.

For example, who says angels have wings? Who says demons have horns?

Keep that in mind.

Hmm... it seems that Tom, the main character, is developing a goal. This is good. The main character needs a goal to have a story.

Because you mentioned demons, I assume this story also has a villain. This is good, because the main character needs an obstacle. The main character should face conflict when achieving a goal.

I'm going to give you a formula:
Goal
Conflict
Disaster
Reaction
Dilemma
Decision
(and the cycle repeats)

The above formula is an ongoing cycle, which can be useful for writing a story.
The character has goal, faces conflict in achieving that goal, and it results in disaster. The character reacts to the disaster, chooses his best option, makes a decision, and thus has another goal. (the cycle repeats). The result is a plot.

I'm not sure if you have the plot planned out, but keep the above "formula" in mind if you get stuck.

I wonder where this is going.

Keep writing.