What She Has

a friend to shop with in the summer
to tell things that dont really matter
and dance with if there is no other
that's what she wants

a boy to call to say goodnight
to cuddle in the dark
and to play with in the park
that's what she wants

a family that will be there at graduation
and to go with on that two week vacation
or just to tell her they love her
thats what she wants

a friend that goes and spreads lies
a boyfriend that was hers for a minute
a family that broke up forever
that's what she has.

Hey there and welcome to The YWS! If you have any questions about the site feel free to bother me.

You have a nice set up for a poem; a comparison between what the narrator wants and what the narrator really has. However, your execution of this could be improved. You list what she wants, and what she has, instead of showing any of these things vividly. Instead of bringing your reader into the poem and making it so that we, too, can feel these desires and moments, as well as the disappointment with what the narrator really has, you just list everything. Poetry isn't a grocery list (unless it is, then you have real talent!). Here, however, grocery listing is not your best bet.

I think it's a good start, but you should rethink how you write things. This is more like an outline for a poem. In the first stanza, can you show an event with the friend? Paint a picture of what the narrator wants, and try not to be so direct "This is what she wants". Let the reader infer a few things and jump to their own conclusions, instead of filling in all the blanks.

Use what you have as a poem: imagery of the senses, metaphors, sound devices, etc to create a vivid image of the event. This might sound confusing all at once, if you're new to poetry (I don't know if you are), but a good way to solve this confusion is to read poetry. That's where I learned most of what I know about poetry, now. Some of my favorite poets are Longfellow, Pound, Elliot, Dickinson, Spenser, Keats, Byron, and Shelley. They're pretty much all old people, except Pound and Elliot who are modernists, but you can find all of their poetry online. Try to read poetry and see how it has an effect on you. Keep in mind that good poetry should affect the reader in some way; create a reaction, thought, emotion from the reading. How can you do that in your poetry, too?

Also! Does your title really need to be in caps? That's annoying, and I'm not sure it has any artist value.

One more thing: have you considered reviewing other people's writing? We have a strict 2:1 policy here. For everyone one thing you post, you should review two things prior. It's not that big of a challenge, and if you review it will get others to notice you and want to review your own writing.

Best of luck!

Make sure to punctuate consistently. If you're going to leave out the punctuation or something to give the entire poem a dejected air (you also left out capitalization, much to the same effect), make sure you do it throughout.

The poem is puzzling. It definitely tells instead of shows, but that aspect is sort of endearing, in an odd way. It gives a strange sense of alienation, especially in the third stanza. But the last stanza could definitely use tweaking. See, it affords one line for what each stanza established in four, so it seems clipped and abbreviated, and sort of abrupt.

I might parallel each stanza with another for what she has - that would give you more room for description as well as contrast.