Beauty

I picked up a magazine one day
About as happy as i could be----
I knew that I wasn't perfect
But I knew that I was me.

I smiled at a picture
of a girl with light blond hair
Then looked at my own in the mirror
Quickly deciding life wasn't fair.

My hair was a normal black
And I had boring brownish eyes
I studied the beautiful blond girl
And decided I wasn't quite the right size.

Page after page I began to see
The way a young girl should be
And suddenly I realized
I wanted that girl to be me.

Quickly I began to notice
All the things that I should change
My eyes weren't the right color
And my face was a bit strange.

Black hair wasn't quite the right shade
My body wasn't just the right size
The girl in the picture seemed happy
And look how she's surrounded by guys!

If that girl looks so joyful
That must be the way girls should look
After a while my hair was blond
My body much to small
And even though I tried and tried
There was nothing to do about being small.

When I held the picture up to the mirror
I didn't see what I wanted to see
I didn't become the girl in the picture
I was only the same old me.

That magazine taught me about beauty
And what all young girls should be
But now that I've tried to do it, I wonder
What's wrong with just being me?

Hey! Welcome to YWS! Here's the review, and I think you're beautiful by the way, in your avatar.

I picked up a magazine one day
About as happy as i could be----
I knew that I wasn't perfect
But I knew that I was me.

• This was an good intro to your poem. Although, the only problem with it is the fact that at first, you admitted that you weren't perfect, but that you understood that that was you. Then, you decide that you should look like the stereotypical blonde model. I think that you change that to avoid such opposite, meandering thoughts.

My hair was a normal black
And I had boring brownish eyes
I studied the beautiful blond hair
And decided I wasn't quite the right size.

• One thing, how does having beautiful blonde hair link with being the right size? You were talking about the blonde hair and eyes and such, and then you randomly pop up with not being the right size. You should mention the girl's eyes in that stanza if you were to change the last line.

Page after page I began to see
The way a young girl should be
And suddenly I realized
I wanted that girl to be me.

• The red lines under words mean things. Generally, that the underlined word is misspelled. Try taking advantage of spell check. I find it really helps. Here we really stress good spelling, and so if you could try to check that before you enter a piece, than that would be really helpful.

If that girl looks so joyful
That must be the way girls should look
After a while my hair was blond
My body much to small
And even though I tried and tried
There was nothing to do about being small.

• Try not to be so repetitive with the word "small." It's really noticeable. I don't understand this stanza though. You say your body is small, but then you go on about how there was nothing you could do about being small.
• And "to" should be "too."

---

I really enjoyed this poem. It held a connect-able meaning and a consistent rhythm.

What would be really good though, is that if you could form a syllable pattern. This poem would be so improved if you could do that. You already have a working rhyme scheme. It really wouldn't be that hard to cut down each line to 8 or 9 syllables. Try it and I think it will completely enhance the quality of this.

You do have and issue with repetition. Sometimes, it's used on purpose in a controlled manner, but here you reused words like, "small," "blonde," "size." I think you really are capable of finding synonyms for these and that would really be very good.

Also, keeping the amount of lines in each stanza the same is an art with poetry that should be used. It helps with the overall appearance of the poem, the rhyme scheme, and the flow. You have pretty consistent quatrains, then you come out with a six lined one which disrupts the flow. I'm sure you could find a way to cut that down in size.

Overall though, good job. I liked the topic and the way you portrayed yourself and your feelings.

Peace, Love and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody

Beautiful poem. this is something all young girls should read. No body should be anything else but themselves. Forever Threnody already pointed out all of your spelling errors. And i agree, you look cute in your avatar.

hi!
This is a brilliant poem, this is the sort of stuff thatpeople should be showing young girls not anorexic, airbrushed blondes!

i really like the rhyming scheme through out the poem but you have a few spelling mistakes-probably just typos!:

Page after page I began to see

The way a young girl should be

And suddenly I reaalized-realized/realised-depenng on where you live

I wanted thatg girl to be me.- that

also i think that since you have eight of the nine verses with four lines you should have all of the verses with nine lines:

If that girl looks so joyful

That must be the way girls should look

After a while my hair was blond

My body much to small

And even though I tried and tried

There was nothing to do about being small.

thats all for now-it is a fantastic poem

dancing clouds

This was a decently-done poem. Not bad at all.

The rhyming scheme seemed on the first read a little strange, but then I had to remember that I used that same kind of rhyme a few months ago, so I won't say much more about that. It's nice to see someone come up with a positive message for a change in poetry, isntead of despair all the time.

Keep it up.

I really liked that!

It was a really sweet poem and I love your writing style.

I like the opening paragraph because it shows how you started off not minding what you looked like and what other people thought about you.

I especially love the message that you are sending throug your poem. It is a very clear message as well which is a good thing. Saying that girls always seem to have an obsession with looking perfect when really, there is no such thing as perfect.

There are a few spelling mistakes, for example you had to a's in realize and you spet that like thatg but they're probably just typos! Make sure you spell check next time!

I also think that you could have rhymed small with a diferent word instead of repeating it. You could have used tall or something like that. You could have said that the girl in the magazine was exceptionaly tall for example.

Overall I think that your poem was very good. You portreyed it extremely well and showed a very clear, important message that teenage girls everywhere can relate to and even some teenage boys! I love your writing style and I especially liked the topic that your poem is about. The feelings of the character in your poem were clear and described well. You tend to use a bit of repetition and you need to make sure you use spell check next time, but overall I loved your poem!

Keep writing

Meg x-x

It's a great concept to write about. THe utter simplicity of this poem gets the message across quite effectively. However, I think the 3rd to the last stanza of this poem destroyed your structure and your rhyme scheme. Overall, the rhyme of this poem was really choppy. It lacked or had an extra syllable here and there. It's easy to fix that if you read the poem aloud and hear if it flows and rhymes quite right. The rhymes here are quite forced. Anyway, despite that, a very effective and honest poem.

Keep writing.

--Knightly