Internal monologue overload

Looking over my story, it is about 70% internal monologue. My MC is usually alone, or she doesn't talk to anybody because she's got too much hurt from talking to people (she was friends with a bunch of guys, and since her parents didn't want her to be distracted from training they sent those guys off to be killed) and she needs to keep a bunch of secrets. Soon, I hope, she'll start talking to people (she's actually got amazing social skills because she spends all her time watching people interact), but in the mean time, most of the prose is her first person observations.

This situation is starting to get on my nerves a bit, but I'm not sure how to correct it. I still need all of her thoughts, I need her to be alone/resisting people for a good chunk of the book, but how can I get her to talk to people?! (I have some situations where she's with people, but I just haven't written out that dialogue. I can't seem to figure out how she'll talk and have a bunch of thoughts about the situation at the same time. )

Any help would be appreciated.

If she doesn't talk, maybe you could try sending messages back and forth between characters. Sort of like letters. You could have her write a letter to somebody, have her thoughts on it, and then the same with a reply.

If you want to show your character having conflicting thoughts- maybe have them lie to people? Like, have a dialogue with a person, but then an internal monologue with totally conflicting views. Try and revise your work- think to yourself, if you feel overwhelmed with it, 'do I really need all of this?' and so forth.

Good luck!

Eimear- Ohh, that works. I like it. ^_^

Viper- She doesn't really have anybody to send letters to. Hence my problem.

Hey rosey.
Maybe, yoour MC could imagine she's talking to someone. Like if she's watching someone talk about their cat, and they ask a question to another person, she can sort of answer the question in her head, as if she's actually talking to the person. This will help with your problem but at the same time show that she doesn't actually speak to the people.
Hope I helped! xD
xxmimixx

I second Eimear's opinion, but instead of an internal "monologue", maybe condense it to one or two short sentences of thought that suggest she is thinking the complete opposite?

Something like this (crappy example commencing):

He leans forward and grins. "So maybe we can hang out sometime?"

Yeah, right.

"That would be great," she says instead, smiling back.

You could also use visual or other cues to suggest that she's thinking something different. A nervous fidget, a change in voice pitch, looking away, et cetera. All of these things hint that your character is being dishonest.

In terms of your problem of her being alone — it's honestly pretty impossible to avoid unless you bring more characters into play. Maybe there's some insistent person who tries to befriend her despite her best efforts to push him/her away? Maybe she talks to herself? If she's religious, she could talk to some higher deity (if she's Catholic, she might go to confession, simply out of loneliness).

Even the smallest interactions help. I don't know where/when/how your story is set, but where does she conduct her people-watching? In a cafe? Is there a waiter or waitress who takes interest in her, or remembers her, or can in some way interact with her? Maybe there's a hobo on the street, or a teacher — someone she sees on a regular basis that she could build a relationship (however small and fragile) with.

Hope this helps.

Mm, that did help.

So, the back history on this fantasy work, based off the Mughal Era in India is:

My MC is a noble, who has been trained to be a spy since she has the power to sense people and emotion. She made friends with a group of boys she trained with, but because her parents didn't want her to be distracted, they ordered all of the group to leave (the boys were killed, the leader banished [course the boys weren't actually killed, but that is beside the point]). It's because of that she's a bit bitter and cynical.

When it comes to what I have for the internal monologue, the whole thing is her sensations (through magic) of what goes on. She spends a lot of time around the villain, and she gets some impressions on him. She's also not pleased at how she's going from a "watchful sister" to a "kept spy." She is completely aware of this. She also resents it a lot, but she keeps up with it because it's her duty and she feels some connection with her sister and a need to protect her family.

I have a few scenes where she's talking to people, like her brother and sister (her brother is a bit of a friend, but he begins to turn on her so he loses her trust, and the sister is a bit of a witch). Everybody around her is manipulating her in some way, or she's manipulating them/the situation to her own advantage, or her sister's advantage (her sister has been chosen as the Crown Prince's wife. The reason the MC's sister needs a guard). Hence the reason I need all her thoughts. If I don't have them, nothing makes sense and there is no empathy for the MC. Nor is there any hinting at who the villain is, which is crucial to some events later on. But even though I have those scenes, I have not written any dialogue out for them. Since they're so crucial for the foreshadowing of the villain and future situations, I don't know what to put in them yet.

She also has some connection with the gods of the realm, but she doesn't really talk to them. Until later, that is. There are no pets that she can really talk to, and it's not her personality to talk to herself. Think to herself directly, maybe, but not talk to herself out-loud.

To answer your question about where she people-watches, she does so at private political meetings (she's not exactly supposed to be there. Reason she doesn't talk at them) or at some sort of royal gatherings. And since she doesn't want to attract a husband, she keeps quiet. Her sister and brother are occupied during such meetings or royal gatherings.

Also, because she is completely aware of how people manipulate her, she can be prone to some snappy remarks. With all her training, she rarely says them. She would rather just keep quite and not get beaten because she talked back, which has happened more then once.

Hmm, I think I'll just have to write out those scenes and see where I go from there. I'm getting to a point where she has no choice but to talk (and I have thought about the dialogue in those scenes. It's rare for me to write a scene without thinking of the dialogue, and in my current draft I have all sorts of dialogue scenes that just showed up and I hadn't thought about.) So, I think she'll start talking soon. I hope.

Thanks for the help!