You Take Electricity For Granted, Don't You?

Do you actually realize how much you use electricity? Well in every part of the day, you do; sometimes without even realizing it. You wake up, open the bathroom lights. You go to work in a vehicle. You work by using a computer. You connect to others by using a phone. All these electrical appliances are a part of your daily life; but what if they weren’t there? Electricity makes your life easier.

Electricity is something most people take for granted. Imagine life without electricity. How would you spend your day? I for one spend most my time relying on electricity through playing video games, talking on the phone, and surfing the internet on my computer. Without electricity we’d be roaming around our houses and streets using candles instead of the enormous amount of light in our malls, homes, and workplaces.

Transportation; now that’s another story. How would you move from one place to another? You’d travel by bike or by horse; surely no more cars or planes. Traveling long distances would be the hardest task, moving kilometer on merely a horse; but with a vehicle or plane, you can close your eyes and you’re there. Insert your key and drive!

What about the street lights? There would be mayhem on the streets. No one would know when to go or stop, and no one could see where they’re going! The street lights control traffic and give order to the streets, making you feel safe and in peace.

Other appliances like phones and computers allow you to communicate with others. Specifically computers, allow you to search for information, instead of referring to books which, are harder to search in for information. No electricity means no communication. You’d have to visit the person you want to talk to instead of just dialing his or her number. Basically, electricity renders better communication.

Electricity is surely one of the greatest services in life. It’s widely needed, and people greatly depend on it. All these appliances, including cars, video games, planes, and computers, run on an important service we today call electricity I for one don’t take it for granted, and neither should you.

Hi There Molham Krayem,

Welcome to YWS! I hope that you find yourself at home here, and that you do get as much out of it as I have. I am also glad that you did like Dreams of Giants, and appreciate your comment.

You should also note that in order to ensure that everyone's work is improved as much as it can be, we have a 2:1 review policy. This means that you should have two fairly constructive reviews for every piece of yours that you post. Your review count will only increase if the review is of a substantial length. I'm not sure of the exact figure, but I think it's around the length of this paragraph here.

So, let's take a look at this piece, and see what we can make of it.

Firstly, I suppose that I should point out that this is non-fiction, so perhaps it would do better to have it moved there?

Let's take a look at the actual piece, though.

Well in every part of the day, you do; sometimes without even realizing it.

There should be a comma after "Well". Also, the grammar here is a little weak. The semicolon I feel could adequately be replaced with a period. When it comes to semicolons, I always say, "They should be like diamonds: Rare but precious." I would rephrase the sentence as follows, "Well, electricity is used in almost every part of your life. What's more, sometimes you don't even realize it."

You wake up, open the bathroom lights

You can't open lights. You switch them on.

I'm going to go through your next little bit which is monotonous, and post a little edit beneath it. Remember, variety is good.

You go to work in a vehicle. You work by using a computer. You connect to others by using a phone. All these electrical appliances are a part of your daily life; but what if they weren’t there? Electricity makes your life easier.

As soon as you step into your car on the way to work, you utilize electricity. When you arrive at work, and switch on your computer, you utilize more electricity. And then, you need to speak to a client, so you pick up your telephone. Can you imagine what your life would be like without electricity?

That last sentence of your paragraph is a little disturbing, as it doesn't seem to really be connected to the rest of the sentence, I'd ditch it.

I for one spend most my time relying on electricity through playing video games, talking on the phone, and surfing the internet on my computer.

I don't really like your sentence construction here, I would try something more along the lines of, "I, for one, spend most of my time playing video games, talking on the telephone, and surfing the internet. It's most disconcerting to think that I could do none of this without electricity."

Transportation; now that’s another story. How would you move from one place to another? You’d travel by bike or by horse; surely no more cars or planes. Traveling long distances would be the hardest task, moving kilometer on merely a horse; but with a vehicle or plane, you can close your eyes and you’re there. Insert your key and drive!

What about the street lights? There would be mayhem on the streets. No one would know when to go or stop, and no one could see where they’re going! The street lights control traffic and give order to the streets, making you feel safe and in peace.

I'd merge these two paragraphs. You have only one idea, and therefore there is no need for a split. Also, allow me to point out, that if there was no electricity, nobody would utilize electric transport, and traffic wouldn't be much of a problem. This is just something to think about.

All these appliances, including cars, video games, planes, and computers, run on an important service we today call electricity I for one don’t take it for granted, and neither should you.

The definition for appliance is: A household device operated by use of electricity or gas. Not included in this definition are components covered under central heating, central ... I think that you can see that the word is misused here. Try, "All of these important things that we use every day..."


Let's do a little bit of a summary:
What you have here requires a bit of improvement. Ideas are scattered all over the place, and there is seemingly no main thrust. This appears to be a little unstructured, and lacks drive. I think that if you tried to reorganize the material, we'd be left with a far superior piece. Just remember, the more you write, the better you get. The more you read the better you write.

I hope that this was of assistance.

Have a good one!

Thankss Man.. Helpful..! =D

**Moved to Non-fiction**